Sunday, September 30, 2012

Eating My Heart Out

Yesterday was a very bad eating day.  It was terrible actually.  I stayed up late working on Friday night watching TV and catching up with friends on the phone and then I chatted until very late with the Crush and then I was too excited to sleep because I am cool like that.  I have a really good conversation with a man and then I get off the phone and scream and hop around like I am in 6th grade.  I really should have had a real boyfriend before I was 24, I do think I would have been a tad bit more mature now....

So, yesterday, I had lots to do and while I did it, I ate massive amounts of food.  Then, I watched lots of movies on TV including Mean Girls (Lohan, WTF, seriously girl, WTF, you were so damn cute in 2004, the hair, the body, your should have kept it ALL the way it was....BEAUTIFUL!....imagine if she never touched herself, she would be so gorgeous now, like a baby less than 30 Julianne Moore) and there is a part in the movie where they are showing Lohan the lunch table demographics and explaining where the jocks sit, where the Plastics sit, and one of the tables is the 'girls who eat their feelings' and I literally stopped eating my cookies and cream slow churn yogurt and almost choked....I mean, that's me....that's not who I was in high school openly in public, but it's who I am now in secret and I don't think it's funny....I am a girl that eats ALL of her feelings.....WTF?!?!?!

Why did I eat my feelings yesterday?  Hmmmmmmmmm.....these are the reasons I am coming to as of now:

1.  I have a lot of work to do and I am having a lot of anxiety.  I am going to make a check list each and every morning in order to accomplish what needs to be done and not get all miffed about the constant email which is a part of life and business these days and there is no way to avoid it.  I am averaging 75-250 emails daily which all need to be answered, so I am trying to find a way to manage it all.  Catching up on weekends do help.

2.  I didn't sleep at all on Friday.  I stayed up all night.  I dozed off for 2-3 hours.  When I don't sleep, I always crave carbs and sweets.  I ate a TON of them yesterday.  Not cute.

3.  I am feeling nervous about the person I am crushing on.  I am not going to self-sabotage or use substances to feel more secure (I realize now that I used to drink tons to get from being something to being a I would NEED to get drunk to discuss feelings), this time, regardless of what happens, I have vowed to be honest and open about everything.  What do I really have to lose?  Nothing.

The truth is that yesterday I binged.  I ate mindlessly, I ate a lot, I ate until I had to lay down and I woke up with a food hangover.  I made it 9 days, NOT 30 as I set out to do and that's okay.  9 days without a binge is surely progress.  It is much better than where I was, binging everyday for 1 year!  So, I will be starting over today, with a Binge Free: Day 1 (Cycle 2) and try for 30 days.

I do think that this time, I may just be able to get there....everyday is a battle, if I keep trying, perhaps, I will eventually win....


  1. Perhaps setting it as a weekly goal instead of a monthly goal would help? The "long term" goal being a 30 day binge free, and the short term being a week. I have an overall long term health goal, but to achieve it, I set mini weekly goals. I also set up a rewards system, rewards not related to food of course. For example, when I hit -30Lbs, I bought myself a new Yogitoes towel, they are pricey, and it would also help my workouts.

    Simple things. Bingeing isn't always avoidable, I have days where I feel like a bottomless pit, for sure, and I eat a lot. I try to keep away from carbs, as sugary substances trigger additional cravings for more sugar. So the whole "I'll only have 1 cookie" has you eating an entire box.

  2. Thank you for the wonderful advice! I do think a weekly goal is a good way to start, baby steps! I really hadn't thought about that...I am going to break it down week by week, THANK YOU!

    I agree about the simple. I will say anything less than 2,500 calories or so a day with me is okay (I work out daily and lead a very busy running around lifestyle), but there are days.....I mean.....BOXES of cookies.

    I always appreciate your feedback and I love your blog!


Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......