Falling Into Place

My puzzle pieces are beginning to make a total picture.

I just realized they the day I move from the Midwest FORVER (regardless of what happens with Crush, I will never come back), will be my one year anniversary of this blog.

I sound like a broken record always and forever here, but you just never know what will happen in a year!!!!

I officially signed a lease for a new apartment in my new state.  I am excited about it.  850 square feet that are ALL mine.  I am looking forward to cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.  These last few years I have regressed, my mom believes her way is the ONLY way.  I haven't truly been able to live as I would live without living with mother.  But, I can't really complain.  I received free accommodations for 22 months.

Beggars can't be choosers.

I will never forget the generosity and hospitality that my parents bestowed upon me.  Yes, some days and even weeks were incredibly challenging, but I do think we are even closer now than we ever were (and I have always been close to my family).  My wounds are now just fading scars.  I feel like I am mostly through with my journey of self improvement and reflection.  I am a bit stronger, a bit wiser, and in tune with the areas of my life that I need to seriously work on (binge eating and improving my self esteem).  I am going to continue to therapy down South.

I am ready to fly again from the nest....14 years after I first left.

The future that was once blurry and scary is now becoming something I can partially see.

I have also been hunting for jobs.  The market I am moving to is perfect for my industry.  Even though it is considerably smaller, there are plenty of jobs in my field and they pay well.  I have sent out my resume 4 times and I have received calls promptly for everything that I applied for, some within hours.  My only issue is that the jobs posted begin immediately and because of job commitments here, I can't start there until after I move, which is in just under 2 months.

Many people from my new city have advised me to just wait and move and then interview as things are far less competitive there than they are here.  That is not my style!  I want to move with a place to live AND a job.  Still working on the last half, but I am feeling like I may actually be able to pick the best position for me rather than just take a job for a paycheck.  I also have a little cushion of savings that I can tap into if I really need to, but I am hoping to actually save, so let's hope that employment comes knocking.

This morning, I had a bubble of anxiety sitting on my chest, heavy and tight.

Then, I let my mind tell me the truth.

I am leaving.

I have the chance to set up new practices and routines that will allow me to be calmer.  I will be able to be alone sometimes.  I will be living 5 minutes away from the love of my life.  My favorite spinning studio in the world is in my new city and I will have the opportunity to ride there as often as I like.  Extra bonus that I can cruise on my bicycle 4 seasons a year.  I will continue with my WeightWatchers meetings.  I will be close to the beach and saltwater is wonderful for my skin.  I will be independent again.  I will be FAR away from people that make me nervous including Awful (just moving away from him helps as we do have some mutual friends and I always feel bad that it was such an ugly ending...no one likes to be a part of senseless drama and I did lose some people I really liked and valued because of the breakup).  I will get the opportunity to explore new coffee shops, restaurants, and boutiques.  I will become a regular at a new supermarket and gym.  I will learn my way around and I will then be able to find shortcuts to get me to and from my new regular destinations.

I will be able to be the me I am now.

Not the me I was 20 years ago that some people expect from me.

Life will be better.

I know it.

Smoothie Snack

I am super late to the smoothie trend.  I know people out there in Cyberland have been photographing their smoothies for years...tons of recipes, too....I am not a trendsetter with the smoothies...

I promised myself that I am going to Trader Joe's later to stock up on frozen fruits, yogurt, and spinach and I will be getting CRAZY myself with the smoothies....as they really are a great way to get nutrients and liquids in and are super low in WeightWatchers points when done right because most veggies and all fruits are now 0 points on the program.

I just had to tell you a really easy and simple way to get apple cider vinegar in, if you are so inclined to try it.  It is the best!  Since the ACV is an appetite suppressant (at least for me), drinking one of these smoothies leaves me SUPER full and it is a super easy beginner smoothie for the inexperienced like me  and also a yummy and filling treat for breakfast, a snack, or dessert.

Ingredients:

- 1 cup skim milk

- 5 ice cubes

- 1 frozen banana
(I like to freeze mine overnight and then microwave it for 10 seconds before I cut the peel off)

- 2 Teaspoons chocolate syrup OR 1 packet of hot chocolate mix (ANY KIND...sugar free or regular) OR for an EXTRA thick shake = 2 Tablespoons of instant chocolate pudding mix (ANY KIND...sugar free or regular)

- 1 Tablespoon of sugar or 1 packet of sweetener (ANY KIND, I am just not doing sugar free anything anymore )

- 1 Tablespoon apple cider vinegar (Unprocessed with "The Mother" in it)...if you are scared, just start with a teaspoon!

- Dash of vanilla extract

- OPTIONAL: 1 Tablespoon of peanut, cashew, or sunflower butter for protein

Directions:

- Put all of the ingredients in the blender on low for 20 seconds.  Check consistency and if needed blend for a bit longer.

- I like my smoothies like milkshakes, so I avoid high unless I am breaking up veggies in there.  The frozen banana gives it an ice cream-like consistency when not over-blended.

BONUS TIP: 

- Get yourself a Cool Gear Cup.  Mine keeps my smoothies super cold and yummy.

- I like to stick my cup empty without the straw and lid into the freezer for about 10 minutes before I make my smoothie.  After I make the smoothie and pour it into my Cool Gear, I put the smoothie and cup back in (without the straw, but with the lid on) for another 3-5 minutes.  This helps the smoothie stay really thick and cold the entire time I enjoy it!

YUM! 

Out to Lunch

I was just between appointments and stopped for lunch.  I was in an area that has a lot of restaurants and I saw a sushi joint that looked yummy and I popped in.  Typically, I opt for solo lunches at Panera- type places as many people are alone working and I feel better being alone in a place where other people are alone.  But, this place was actually a bit swanky with a really great lunch special and since my skin is looking too good to eat wheat....I thought, why not treat myself for a quick nice sushi lunch?

After I got seated by the hostess, I looked around and realized that I was the only solo patron.  This would be a good little challenge for me.  I also didn't want to eat at the bar or stuff my head into a book or my laptop (especially because since after my unfortunate laptop spill.....if I am eating or drinking without a lid, laptop needs to stay hidden).  So, I actually just sat in the restaurant and waited for my food and looked around and daydreamed and imagined what I would be doing in one year and I smiled.

I may have been knocked down a bit these last few months by clients, but I haven't stood my ground either.

I need to set better parameters, I need to accept realistic challenges, but not impossible ones, I need to take some time out EVERY day for me.

My life is good.  I have a great family, fantastic friends, and the ability to eat $15.00 sushi for lunch in peace.

Then I thought to myself.....why only day dream about next year?  Why not day dream about tomorrow or next month or the summer?  I am going to stop living for tomorrow and really focus in on today.

One year ago,  I would have never had the confidence to take myself to lunch at a nice restaurant.

And today, well, it wasn't a big deal at all.