A few weeks ago a friend asked me if I wanted to be set up with her friend's brother. Sure. I love me a set up. Brother had great details: tall, Ivy League, Jewish, businessman, family money. Done and done.
Brother wanted to see photos, I sent some. Then, crickets.
I called my friend, so sure that Brother rejected me because of my weight.
R & F: So, what is the deal with your friend's brother?
R & F: Um, well, what? Seriously, am I too fat?
Friend: YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!!! It's not that. It's just...
R & F: He got back together with his ex? He met someone on Jdate and they are in love? I'm not his type? He is moving? What!? Tell me, I promise I can handle it. I am queen of rejection.
Friend: I don't know how to tell you this, he is retarded.
R & F: He is retarded?
Friend: Yes, like something is wrong with him, like seriously wrong with him. His sister told me that he is going to have some serious tests to figure it out. They think that he may have always been retarded, but they never caught it before.
R & F: I am so confused. Is he depressed? I can handle that, no problem.
Friend: No, I told you, he has special needs. He isn't who he appears to be, he is retarded.
R & F: Well, tell him to call me anyway. I mean, at least he is tall. You can't have it all.