Rings and Things

The other day, I was enjoying a latte in the warm morning sun at an outdoor café after my Spinning class.   A very handsome man a bit older than me stopped in to get breakfast and started chatting me up.  I let him know that I had just moved from Chicago and he suggested some bars and restaurants I should try as well as some locations for great coffee, excellent pie and exciting live music.  He told me he was a doctor, off for the day and he planned to go for a long run in the evening once the temperature cooled as he slept much later than he anticipated after working several long shifts in the ER.

It was nearly 10 minutes into the conversation that I realized that perhaps this man was flirting with me. I glanced at his left hand and didn’t see a ring (yes, they come off!). You see, in Chicago, no one ever came up to me to chat sober.  Once in a while, a person with a penis may have asked me for directions, but never for my number. Since I turned 28, no one much looked at me at all in Chicago because my vagina, boobs, and tush were no longer on display in my “club” clothes as they once were.  Once in a while, a drunken perv may have whispered something explicit into my ear with his stale beer breath, but the truth is that I often didn’t get hit on in Chicago.  The minute I stepped outside of it, regardless of my weight status, men would approach me.  The secret I learned doesn’t have to do with looks or weight, but by how I feel.  I was never happy in Chicago, so I didn’t exude confidence.  Confidence is key.  Men love it.

Sure enough, a few topics later, Hot Doctor asked me for my number.  I realized that up until that point, my left hand had been under the table in my lap.  I then lifted it and explained that I was newly engaged to a very super special someone, but asked him for his number since he is kind, smart, a great conversationalist, successful, handsome, and tall.  He could be a great match for someone I know! 

Rings are funny this way.  They speak for you.  Help people know who may be available or taken.  Yes, it isn’t the rule, but it is helpful.

My father has never worn a wedding ring.  Funny, but Crush’s dad doesn’t either.  It is actually a relatively new tradition.  All four of our grandfathers didn't wear rings.  Unlike many other ladies, I am totally fine if Crush doesn't want to wear a ring.  I trust him and more than anything, I know my man and it is undeniable that he will lose his ring more than just a few times.  So, if he decides to wear a ring, I have already come to terms that we will be replacing it often and there will be periods of time where he won't have one.....

My feeling about rings are that they can predetermine outcomes.  Some people may forgo a chat with me now if they were wanting to get into my pants eventually, but others will still chat me up for the simple fact that they enjoy a fine morning chat as much as I do. 

Sparkles!

I just returned back from a trip to see my sis and her family.  We also stopped to see Crush's sis and her hubby and had a lovely quick visit with them. It was a wonderful time and I love road trips.   When I am with my Crush, time flies.  He is also very good to me and stops multiples times for my beloved iced coffee, especially if I see a Dunkin Donuts at a particular exit.

A little news.....I picked out my engagement ring!  Yes, it may not be traditional or a surprise, but I knew exactly what I wanted and I HATE surprises.  My dream engagement involves me selecting my sparkles and I got to do just that.  Swoon.  Crush treats me very well and I am trying to remember how lucky I am each and every day because sometimes I can be very harsh with him.  I am working on this little quality called patience.

I am pre-engaged I suppose.  The ring is being made this week in NYC and then it will be shipped down South.  I don't know when I will receive it, but perhaps in the next few weeks since I know of it's existence and I can be very persuasive.  I do think Crush will surprise me with the actual proposal.  I am taking my xanaxes in preparation, so I can just enjoy the moment.

I can tell you that when he proposes there will be tears, lots of tears.  When we went to look at rings, Crush told me to play it cool and to not become too emotional.  We went to see diamond dealers and brokers, so there was a bit of room for negotiation.  Well, I tried, but I couldn't.  The minute they slipped my now diamond in the setting I already knew I wanted (just like my mom's!), I lost it.  Not a few dainty tears, but ugly sobs and a snot waterfall.  Multiple tissues and I had to sit down to regroup.  I still can't believe that everything I wished for, even now including the ring, is coming true.  I do not have this kind of luck.  I am used to being disappointed.  Crush is my fairytale.  We told the jewelers how we met and I did a happy booty shake with my sparkles on my left hand and they gave Crush a good deal (from what he told me, I was sent outside when money was discussed).  They told Crush that with me "he will never have a dull moment." The same thing my dad told Crush when he asked my father for my hand a few weeks ago!

Crush was fantastic with my niece and nephew.  They both adore him because he is so sweet and gentle.   My sister watched Crush play with Big Baby and declared that he was going to be a great dad.  I  agree.  He is very patient and allowed BB to order him around, control the pretend, and Crush even helped with potty breaks.  We made him hold Little Baby who is now 6 months old and was the first baby Crush ever held when Crush came up to meet LB at the birth.  LB held on tight like a koala bear, almost helping Crush out when we made then bond after a picnic supper in the park.  It was so adorable, I could feel my ovaries sighing.

I hope everyone is doing well out there and no more trips for me for a little while, so I will be back to posting on the regular.

It Can All Change SO Fast

Yesterday as I was chatting with Crush about the kinds of engagement rings I like....yes, we are having these conversations and much of it is because I want a replica of my mom's ring.  I feel like her ring is always the ring I looked at when I was little and thought "how beautiful, this is how a ring should look."  My mom let me wear it when I would play princess dress up and she inherited it from her favorite aunt who could not have children (her diamonds were her "babies"), so the ring is significant.  My mom offered me hers (BECAUSE SHE IS THE BEST), but Crush wants my mom to keep hers because he knows it is special to her and get me my own very much like my mom's.

I am over the moon because I know that having a ring just like my mom's will make me feel very close to her, always.  One day in a million years, when she cannot be here, I can look at my hand and know that she is with me.   I love symbolic things and the truth is that my mom's ring is so super classic, it is hard to find and not at all "in" right now (only one major jewelry house has it and not on a band I like and both Crush and I are too practical to seek jewelry from a name brand fancy place), so he will most likely have to design it and he is excited about it and also needs to borrow my mom's ring, so I think this will all be happening soon when our parents meet down south in a few weeks.

As we chatted yesterday about my engagement ring to be, I burst out in tears.  I couldn't help it.  I never thought that I would ever be having this conversation.  That someone would want to buy me the ring I want and love.  I have never been treated so kindly by anyone I have ever dated.  It is still a bit surreal to me and I have to pinch myself sometimes.  I would be happy with nothing.  I really would.  I have conditioned myself through my past relationships to be disappointed and go on smiling and think "I am not like other girls, so the things that other girls get, are simply not mine to have."  I really operate on other people's happiness.  Getting to be a bit more selfish lately and only doing what I want, it has been a total change for me and not the easiest thing.

Between us, I could just wear a simple band and call it a day and it would be fine.  Crush is my best thing, jewelry is just a symbol of love and I have actual love.

As I was sobbing about it, Crush told me that he wants me to proud and excited every time I look at my hand, so he will get me what I truly really want and he is happy and really looking forward to doing so, because he waited so long for me.  He said, "Now that you are here in my life, my dream girl come to life, these things like rings, I want you to have what you always dreamed of.  I know you are the kind of girl that doesn't need everything and you are fine being practical (true....I drive an old reliable car I love, I shop at TJ Maxx on the regular, I love sales, I am not into trends and when I spend on clothes, shoes, and purses, I only choose classics that will last forever) and a ring for you is something I have been thinking about realistically for a long time and I am prepared to purchase, so just relax and tell me what you love, because I know you have specific taste and hate surprises".......ALL TRUE!  He knows me well!!!

I got off the phone with him and had to lay down.  I had to tell myself that this is really happening, that this is not a dream.  I found my love and I deserve this.  I am a good person.  I always wanted something that seemed so out of reach, but now I am getting it because I believed.

This time last year, I hadn't met Crush yet, I was going on terrible dates, I was living at home (still am!), I was feeling lonely, sad, and without a true plan.  Some days I couldn't get out of bed.  BUT, I did still have hope.  There was a force pulling me through.  When I felt like I had to give up, I had a small support system urging me on and making me try.  And I did.  I tried.  And fate led me miles and miles and miles away to Crush.  And now I will leave and I don't think I will be back that often.  I plan to start over in many ways.  To be the best person I am and never could be here.

Now, I have never felt more confident about anything in my entire life.  Our life plan is being put into motion.  We have our families support behind us and I am super grateful about it all.

So much can happen in a day, a week, a month, or a year.

You just never really know what will happen...

It is one of the most frustrating and most hopeful things about life.