I totally have a crush on someone.....I keep trying to be the old me and make up reasons why he isn't a good or nice or kind or modest person and he is proving himself to be ALL of these things.
I do this REALLY bad thing where I make up excuses for people. Well, more like assumptions.
I assume someone is this way or that and then I talk myself out of dating nice men and end up with Awfuls. I am not claiming I have met my next boyfriend here, but I will say that this crush already seems to be much more honest and upfront about his reality than anyone I have shared my phone number with yet......and I am excited!
I am not excited because I have someone new to talk to, even though it is indeed nice. I am excited though because I have perhaps opened myself up to the reality of dating a real live person with a good heart because I know in my heart that I truly deserve nothing less. I don't need 6' feet, dark hair (bald is fine at this point), a six pack, or blue eyes (all of this would be excellent, but it is not necessary), I only need someone who will make me feel appreciated, love me honestly, not try to hurt me intentionally, and not lead me to believe that what I what is EXACTLY what he wants, if it isn't.
We will see, but if I can break this spell, this terrible spell of dating absolute Awfuls and I just realized in therapy the other day, addicts, I may be able to perhaps make it past 3 dates with someone.....and that would be nice because even though I am a crabby mess some of the time, I am less of a crabby mess when I get to have sex more than once a year.