It was first an exercise to see if Awful, the man I was begging to marry me, was really the kind of person I wanted. He wasn't.
But, the list didn't tell me this because I only found the courage to write it about 3 months ago.
I was told to write the list by my mother, by one of my very best friends, by my sister, by the clairvoyant who completely changed my life that the best friend listed above just had a feeling I HAD to meet (more on that some other time).
I was told to put down EXACTLY what I was looking for. To let it all hang out, to not censor myself, to not worry about how it all "looked" on paper. As I have explained before, I care DEEPLY about what other people think, so of course this was hard for me.
And I started my list about 20 times and then I would cry (obviously) and become very sad and eat and then fall asleep in my crumb pile and I couldn't finish the list completely.
I didn't want to write the list because the list felt so superficial, so final, so choreographed. I have a short attention span. I sometimes feel claustrophobic and cooped up committing 2 hours to watch a movie....
But, then I went to my favorite place in the world with some of my favorite people in the world. I spalled out on the beach and I made my list and it made me feel so free. Really giddy and light headed and almost drunk. I then copied the list and sent it to a very special person in heaven and I have a feeling he received it (more on that some other time....I PROMISE).
1. Soulmate love/same religion as me (Jewish)
2. Taller than me (I asked for 6' and over)
3. Brown or black hair
4. Any color eyes (I think ALL eyes are beautiful in their own way)
5. Big hands
6. Broad shoulders
7. Masters degree or higher
8. Straight teeth
11. Stable job, earns a good living
12. Does not drink or do drugs regularly (special occasions are fine and welcome, let's celebrate!)
13. Good listener
14. Respects downtime
15. Respects privacy
16. Doesn't embarrass me
17. Likes to explore: take long walks, bike ride, wander cities and countrysides
18. Doesn't smother me
19. Can be quiet
20. Will join me to see the world
21. Will think I am beautiful
22. Will not give me a body complex
24. Good morals and values
25. Appreciates music
26. Has an active lifestyle, works outs
27. Ready to get married
28. Ready to have children
29. Loves me, not just the idea of me
30. Doesn't need to be popular or cool
31. Will be my best friend
32. Will complete me
33. Will push me, will challenge me
34. Will open me to new experiences
35. Will admit fault
And, and....Crush seems to have so many of these qualities and I am getting so optimistic....for example: he is way more into my own religion than I am, but I asked for faithful (#23), he doesn't seem to have tons of friends, but I asked for someone who doesn't need to be popular or cool (#30), and he plays several instruments (#25)....he also works out daily (#26), wants to have kids pretty soon (#28), has a masters (#7), is soft-spoken (#19), and loves to travel (#20). He's tall too (#2), but I could have really let that one go if I needed to.
Maybe sometimes, sometimes, you really do get what you wish for.
And even if this isn't anything and NOTHING happens, I am just so happy that what I want is actually OUT there. These kind of guys do exist.....it's just being patient enough to find them. If not this one, then the next one, or the one after him, but he IS coming, I know it.