I have been so MIA. Just working. It is SUPER busy with work. I slept no more than 20 hours TOTAL last week and this is just the nature of my job some months. Excited to hit a different pace in less than 10 weeks!
The move is creeping up and I am feeling positive. I think I found a place to live (Crush is checking it out for me this afternoon) and the resume is all updated and ready to send. I have been making healthy food choices (for the most part) and trying to get to the gym when I can. This last week was all about work and the next 3 will be as well, but when I can, I am popping by the gym to get in some quick cardio. At the very least, it helps with my depression and psoriasis (so not sexy!).
So, I lost another pound. I am staring the almost 10 pound mark in the eye and I know this time is the real time. Big changes for me are being worked on a daily basis. I am eating real food for the first time in my life and losing weight. I don't want to lose the weight eating only Lean Cuisines, butter spray, and diet soda. And I say this because several times that I lost weight it was because I did it with all diet products and fake foods. I feel good. People have been telling me how beautiful my skin is (my face skin as I still have psoriasis a bit on the arms and knees, but it is improving) and it has been years since I have heard this. I am wearing far less makeup and I am feeling attractive. I guess no soda, lots of fruits and veggies, less junk, and minimal booze does make me better looking. I never said I wasn't vain.
Today, after my WW meeting, I hopped over to the gym for a quick cardio session. I have a few gym pet peeves:
1. Why do all women under 25 wear underpants to the gym as shorts? What is up with those booty biter teeny gym daisy dukes? I mean, butt cheeks and vaginas should not be exposed while on the elliptical. I thought camel toes were not a fashion statement when they can be avoided....Some gals have the figure for it and some don't and I am not even hating on that (BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE FIGURE FOR THEM AND WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT)....I just feel that it must be more comfortable to not have 2 inches of "shorts" ride up your crotch on the stair climber.
2. Not wiping off the machine after you usees it. This is obvious. Don't be gross (man who is 75 and wears the cut Gold's Gym tank top with exposed sides that reach the top of your sweat pants, I am talking to you). I wipe off my machine....now you try it too. Can't we all just pull our own weight? The takers of the world don't wipe machines and the givers do, I decided.
3. Asking me when I will be done with something/standing right next to the machine I am using while I am trying to reduce my mass while sighing, tapping your foot, and staring at your watch. Manners people! Manners. I get that everyone has a machine they like to use and we are all in a hurry. Be an adult, wait your turn, and plan for Plan B. Sometimes there is someone on the spin bike with the clip in petals I like to use, so I bring regular gym shoes, too. Because when someone is in the zone pedaling away, I don't want to tap them on the shoulder, make them drop their headphones, and ruin their concentration to ask them to please hurry (this has happened to me multiple times). When I am at the gym, I celebrate the fact that I am there. The gym's policy is 60 minutes per machine and I follow that rule, so don't ask me to get off 3 minutes after I got on (lady with the pink exercise mini skirt....I direct this at you!).
A little more gym chat......no matter what time I am at the gym, there are always 2 different ladies there. It dawned on me today that they have an exercise addiction. They are both less than 100 pounds dripping wet (which they do from all the exercise), do cardio non-stop, and look like nutritionally, they aren't perhaps eating enough......sad. It makes me so sad. I think they compete against one another for who is there the longest and I believe they are there at least 4-6 hours a day. Last week, I forget my headphones and went back in the afternoon between appointments and they were both still there...4 hours later, so I am not being my normal dramatic self.
I am telling you....as I go to the gym more and at infrequent times, I always see them. Well, almost always and for the most part they are both there, but do not interact with each other.
As I pounded the treadmill, I realized, food and exercise and appearance, well, maybe most of us gals have a little something?
I am a binge eater and they have their troubles, too. Yes, I may weigh twice as much as they do, but I am no better and they and vice versa, we just have different issues.
And then I felt positive for me.
Because I am getting help for my issues. I don't know their particular stories or treatment history, but I am working on improving my relationship with food now. Presently, I am trying to improve and I am for me.
Yes, I am 32 and not a young whippersnapper, but I am trying. Both of the gym ladies are older than me and I feel for them. Because I know the hold food can have over life.
I have put so many things on hold because of my weight. So many. And for what? Another private binge that gives me no clarity, security, or long standing happiness?!
I won't waste any more of my life destroying it because of my food addiction.
Showing posts with label Real Food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Real Food. Show all posts
Monday, July 8, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Diet & Binge Updates
Since I returned from the South, I have lost the weight I gained over the holiday, but I haven't lost any more. I am fine with this. Since recommitting to myself, I have lost 7 pounds total, I have 25 to go. I am basically where I have been for a while, holding steady.
I have been going to my WeightWatchers meetings, but I haven't really been following the plan. It was the only diet that has ever worked for me, so it has always been my fallback, but it is not working for me anymore and I am fine with this. I don't believe in fake food and synthetic sugar anymore, so eating naturally for the most part takes up all of my points. It is this confusing thing that is happening....I am over my points because of my food choices, but under my daily recommended caloric intake for a day to lose 1 pound a week (1,700). For example, some days, I will have only consumed 1,400 calories, but I went WAY over my daily points allowance because I opted for a latte with 2 percent milk and real sugar, white toast with real butter, and a small portion of steak and mashed potatoes. I am over it. I want to eat real, pure, and realistically. WeightWatchers is no longer my miracle.
I find the weekly WeightWatchers meetings to be motivating, like therapy, and my leader is so inspiring and supportive. She gets it. I go and weigh and listen and talk about food issues, but I don't support all of the "carrots have too much sugar", "use 4 Splenda packets in your banana oatmeal and freeze it overnight for an ice cream substitute, "and "100 calorie packs are my savior, I bring them to the movies for a sweet treat" (I need like 4 to even scratch my itch for sweet!).....these tidbits are not going to work long-term for me, they just won't.
The truth: I NEVER followed WeightWatchers as I should have. I always made up my own rules and made it work in my own way. I drank alcohol 5 nights a week and ate veggies and drank diet soda for every meal and lost 35 pounds and called it WeightWatchers....that was not the program they advertised, it was my interpretation.
So, in the last few weeks, I have been journaling my meals and following what causes me to binge and feel totally out of control with my food urges. Because it is a daily struggle. I am going to beat this once and for all, but there is no easy way out of this. This is emotional. This is about breaking bad habits. This is getting to the bottom of my issues once and for all.
Every time I eat processed carbs: chips, bagels, bread, cereal, english muffins, crackers, or cookies (my regular diet staples and favorite things!) I spin out of control. My entire day and often my entire week gets off track and I am super hungry constantly. Oddly enough, I have observed that I can handle small portions of oatmeal, rice, pasta, corn, and potatoes and be totally satisfied, full, and fine.
I did a bit of research and there is this diet book (perhaps a fad, I don't know the research on it), Wheat Belly, that discusses this concept. I believe for best results the book recommends that you can cut out rice, dairy, and corn, but that will never happen for me...I need those things to exist. I did buy the book just because I am interested. For me now though, I am just going to cut out processed wheat and see how I feel and if it helps with my binging as my journaling has lead me to believe it just may.
I will keep you posted!
I have been going to my WeightWatchers meetings, but I haven't really been following the plan. It was the only diet that has ever worked for me, so it has always been my fallback, but it is not working for me anymore and I am fine with this. I don't believe in fake food and synthetic sugar anymore, so eating naturally for the most part takes up all of my points. It is this confusing thing that is happening....I am over my points because of my food choices, but under my daily recommended caloric intake for a day to lose 1 pound a week (1,700). For example, some days, I will have only consumed 1,400 calories, but I went WAY over my daily points allowance because I opted for a latte with 2 percent milk and real sugar, white toast with real butter, and a small portion of steak and mashed potatoes. I am over it. I want to eat real, pure, and realistically. WeightWatchers is no longer my miracle.
I find the weekly WeightWatchers meetings to be motivating, like therapy, and my leader is so inspiring and supportive. She gets it. I go and weigh and listen and talk about food issues, but I don't support all of the "carrots have too much sugar", "use 4 Splenda packets in your banana oatmeal and freeze it overnight for an ice cream substitute, "and "100 calorie packs are my savior, I bring them to the movies for a sweet treat" (I need like 4 to even scratch my itch for sweet!).....these tidbits are not going to work long-term for me, they just won't.
The truth: I NEVER followed WeightWatchers as I should have. I always made up my own rules and made it work in my own way. I drank alcohol 5 nights a week and ate veggies and drank diet soda for every meal and lost 35 pounds and called it WeightWatchers....that was not the program they advertised, it was my interpretation.
So, in the last few weeks, I have been journaling my meals and following what causes me to binge and feel totally out of control with my food urges. Because it is a daily struggle. I am going to beat this once and for all, but there is no easy way out of this. This is emotional. This is about breaking bad habits. This is getting to the bottom of my issues once and for all.
Every time I eat processed carbs: chips, bagels, bread, cereal, english muffins, crackers, or cookies (my regular diet staples and favorite things!) I spin out of control. My entire day and often my entire week gets off track and I am super hungry constantly. Oddly enough, I have observed that I can handle small portions of oatmeal, rice, pasta, corn, and potatoes and be totally satisfied, full, and fine.
I did a bit of research and there is this diet book (perhaps a fad, I don't know the research on it), Wheat Belly, that discusses this concept. I believe for best results the book recommends that you can cut out rice, dairy, and corn, but that will never happen for me...I need those things to exist. I did buy the book just because I am interested. For me now though, I am just going to cut out processed wheat and see how I feel and if it helps with my binging as my journaling has lead me to believe it just may.
I will keep you posted!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Excess
This past year, I have made a conscious effort to eat better. Of course I am still binging. But, I have decided to eat more naturally. Real cream, real sugar, real eggs, real soda, real satisfaction.
This was the way I was raised. I love fruits and veggies. I feel satisfied when I eat whole foods, but I don't always eat like this. I want to, but old habits die hard. Splenda is always around and the yellow packers are so enticing, fro yo stores are abundant, Diet Coke at restaurants sometimes tastes so yummy and refreshing.
So, let me tell you what I have been enjoying lately and in return, I have been binging a ton less, even though this week doesn't truly reflect that....
1. Real Coke. LOVE me regular Coke. Nothing beats it. 1 a day. I would rather have it than any sweet. 1. I have been drinking a ton of soda water with lemon and lime because I don't always love water, but water with bubbles is fun. I have my coffee, my 1 Coke, and then tons of soda water. I have been peeing up a storm.
2. Real ice cream. I like me the real stuff. I was a huge fan of frozen yogurt and then all of a sudden I realized, "why am I eating this....it tastes like chemicals....oh yeah, it's because I don't feel guilty for covering it in candy because I mean, it's YOGURT!" Yes, I fell into this trap. I covered chemically tasting yogurt with Snickers, cookie dough, donuts, and hot fudge. So, I basically would eat 1,000 calories of chemicals and candy when I could have, in theory, enjoyed a huge bowl of REAL ice cream which I love and don't need to cover in candy. Think about it. Real ice cream also doesn't have chemicals in it.
3. Real sugar. I guess this falls into the real soda category, perhaps, but real sugar has 15 or so calories per teaspoon, so it's really not that big of a deal. Lately, I have been having my morning coffee with 3 teaspoons of sugar (1 tablespoon, 45 calories) and 2 tablespoons of half and half (40 calories). It is the best 85 calories I have ALL day and it is so much more satisfying that Splenda and skim milk (gag!).
4. Real potato chips. I love the individual bags of Lays potato chips. I can't keep family size bags around the house and I will say baked chips are not fun. They are okay, but they don't pack the greasy crunch I need. One of these bags is good for me, if I pair it with some protein (like a turkey sandwich) and a real Coke (1), and then I am TOTALLY satisfied.
5. Real butter. I used to be so guilty of spraying the shit out of innocent veggies, bread products, and popcorn with fake butter spray. Hell, the truth hurts. I used to spray that crap directly into my mouth in my moments of great desperation....it's FULL of chemicals and actually not that good for you. I just use real butter now, it's not that big of a deal and it's perhaps the most delicious invention EVER.
I started getting this fear lately that fake sugar and chemicals may give me kids with 5 eyes and just a few years ago, I drank 6+ cans of diet soda a day and sprayed my toast with fake butter spray and then sprinkled it with Splenda (Weightwatchers cinnamon toast!), so it is time to cut the chemicals and not grow a tail from all the preservatives.
This was the way I was raised. I love fruits and veggies. I feel satisfied when I eat whole foods, but I don't always eat like this. I want to, but old habits die hard. Splenda is always around and the yellow packers are so enticing, fro yo stores are abundant, Diet Coke at restaurants sometimes tastes so yummy and refreshing.
So, let me tell you what I have been enjoying lately and in return, I have been binging a ton less, even though this week doesn't truly reflect that....
1. Real Coke. LOVE me regular Coke. Nothing beats it. 1 a day. I would rather have it than any sweet. 1. I have been drinking a ton of soda water with lemon and lime because I don't always love water, but water with bubbles is fun. I have my coffee, my 1 Coke, and then tons of soda water. I have been peeing up a storm.
2. Real ice cream. I like me the real stuff. I was a huge fan of frozen yogurt and then all of a sudden I realized, "why am I eating this....it tastes like chemicals....oh yeah, it's because I don't feel guilty for covering it in candy because I mean, it's YOGURT!" Yes, I fell into this trap. I covered chemically tasting yogurt with Snickers, cookie dough, donuts, and hot fudge. So, I basically would eat 1,000 calories of chemicals and candy when I could have, in theory, enjoyed a huge bowl of REAL ice cream which I love and don't need to cover in candy. Think about it. Real ice cream also doesn't have chemicals in it.
3. Real sugar. I guess this falls into the real soda category, perhaps, but real sugar has 15 or so calories per teaspoon, so it's really not that big of a deal. Lately, I have been having my morning coffee with 3 teaspoons of sugar (1 tablespoon, 45 calories) and 2 tablespoons of half and half (40 calories). It is the best 85 calories I have ALL day and it is so much more satisfying that Splenda and skim milk (gag!).
4. Real potato chips. I love the individual bags of Lays potato chips. I can't keep family size bags around the house and I will say baked chips are not fun. They are okay, but they don't pack the greasy crunch I need. One of these bags is good for me, if I pair it with some protein (like a turkey sandwich) and a real Coke (1), and then I am TOTALLY satisfied.
5. Real butter. I used to be so guilty of spraying the shit out of innocent veggies, bread products, and popcorn with fake butter spray. Hell, the truth hurts. I used to spray that crap directly into my mouth in my moments of great desperation....it's FULL of chemicals and actually not that good for you. I just use real butter now, it's not that big of a deal and it's perhaps the most delicious invention EVER.
I started getting this fear lately that fake sugar and chemicals may give me kids with 5 eyes and just a few years ago, I drank 6+ cans of diet soda a day and sprayed my toast with fake butter spray and then sprinkled it with Splenda (Weightwatchers cinnamon toast!), so it is time to cut the chemicals and not grow a tail from all the preservatives.
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