Tuesday, September 18, 2012

The Absolute Truth

If you think you know me, you probably don't know me well.  I am NOT who you think I am.  I am not the person I appear to be.

I seem friendly and outgoing, but I fight my own social anxiety each and every day.  I prefer to be alone than to be with other people.  People zap my energy.  I would so much rather stay in than go out.

I seem confidant in my skin, but I hate my body, especially my upper arms, my second chin, and my inner thighs.  I wish I was 30 pounds thinner, I am currently obsessed with it.

I seem to be interested in what you are saying, but I probably could care less.  I sometimes fight myself to stay in the moment, but my mind is always wandering.  I hate stupid self-obsessed people and sadly most people are stupid and self-obsessed.  Don't feel bad, I am self-obsessed, too.  My own thoughts are too much for me to handle, so please don't be offended.  I just realize that this is disgusting and I hate myself for it.

I seem to be helpful and always willing to do a favor, but I am getting sick of continuing to do things for other people when no one seems to ever help me when I ask.

I seem to be tough, but I am actually not.  I cry about business, I cry about people saying mean things, I cry when things don't go my way that I cannot control.

I seem to be a real man eater, but I haven't been out on a date in months and I cried over the last guy I dated more than a few times when he poofed on me even though I may have been even less attracted to him than I was to the Awful Ex and I couldn't imagine ever getting naked with him....like I just got regrossed out thinking out it.

I seem to be really in control, but I have a horrible and ugly temper that I work very hard to control with exercise, sleep, and a huge dose of alone time.

I seem to be happy, but I am actually quite depressed.  I want to be satisfied and secure and content, I just don't know if I every will be......

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Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......