Fate

I don't want to forget this, so I am going to get this down in real time.

I am feeling rather odd.

Let me just say that I believe in god, in angels, in ghosts, in things that happen that no one can explain...I believe it fate, in soulmate love, in being patient, in being kind, in trying to learn everyday.

I have some weird theories based on my religion, how I view life and death. Weird is too strong a word, it is actually really beautiful, and hopeful, and soothing.

I think about these deep things a lot.  When I am trying to sleep, these things keep me up.

In terms of supernatural occurrences, a few things happened last year, that really made me believe, and I do plan to eventually share them.  Not like ghost related stuff (even though I have experienced it and will also share), more like fate related conversations with the deceased....EVERYONE, stop judging, I NEVER claimed to be normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mentioned my crush earlier and I spoke to him tonight for a bit.  We share the same religion and many of the same views which I am enjoying.  After arguing with Awful for over 2 years, I am learning to just speak and not scream with a man.

Tonight, Crush and I started talking about spiritual stuff as we both reflected a bit yesterday on Yom Kippur and he told me about his version of heaven and I nearly peed myself.  No one has ever explained the idea to me EXACTLY the way I explain it to other people....it was chills.  My views are based on my religion, but also on how my family views these things too, so it is not only odd that our beliefs are the SAME, it is also weird that he explained it just as I have so many nights having the kind of drunk conversations I live for before everyone passes out sitting up with lit cigs in hand.

Then, he said something else........"I don't want to freak you out, but you seem so familiar to me.  Not like I have really met you before this or know you.  Just your face, your laugh, your voice, everything about you seems so familiar to me and it's scaring me a bit, but I really really like you.  Do I seem familiar to you?"

The answer is yes.  I made a list a few months ago and sent it to someone very special in heaven and I do think it's possible that my prayers are being answered.  He checks off everything on that very long list.  If not this one, then someone good like him is coming soon, I am getting so close, I can FEEL it. My heart is opening at the seams in a very good way.

The fact that he says I am familiar is just such a good way of explaining what I am feeling lately.  Everything is familiar because I am opening myself up enough to see the things I already know, but never believed.