Oy. The past few days have not been so hot. I have company in town and I have been a bit sloppy with my eating.
Also, I have decided that my crush is a mutual crush and I don't know what is going to happen, but this feels very different and in order to deal with my anxiety and impatience and unease about the potential of someone liking me (because I am REAL mature this way), I have been eating my feelings. I have been eating lots of crunchy stuff like pretzels while I think....I am calling myself out here. I took a little break from the mindless munching to write and reflect just now.
I have email to catch up this evening and a special toddler to snuggle (my nephew) and I am so full and nauseous from my snacking, I am about to burst.
It is not about starting fresh, starting new, brand new days, or any of that. I have BEEN there, I have DONE that. This is about realizing what I am doing and breaking bad habits without breaking my own spirit. Tomorrow will be a better day. I do plan to log every bite as this is the only thing that helps. Today, I didn't even really binge because I still had a mind body connection while I was crunching. My mind kept telling me to stop because I wasn't hungry, because I was feeling anxiety, because I was craving clarity and not pretzels. That my friends, that is real progress. Before, when I ate with reckless abandonment, my mind was completely blank....it was like going into a coma. A food coma.