I just found out that someone I know and care about is having a baby. It is truly wonderful news. I am very happy for her. She has had a few very shitty years and she deserves this goodness more than anyone I know. Congratulations.
What I don't care for pertaining to this news is that since I am single and of a certain age, people, my own family especially, keep this sort of thing a secret from me. I am last to find out about engagements, pregnancies, divorces even...because I am single and because I am single with a still a little bit broken heart. I am not sad that I am not with Awful. I am actually quite happy. I am just bitter and frustrated at myself because I wasted so much time and energy on a clown with no chin definition.
My relationship status makes me a leper. I get treated like I am different....people whisper, doors close during certain conversations, emails are sent that I am not copied on.
People have children, the lucky ones do. I mean, it kinda makes the world go round, the whole birth and death thing we have going on.
You can tell me, I promise I won't cry. But, if I find out in innocent conversation 2 months after everyone else, there will be tears.
Someone I love and respect very much just offered me fantastic feedback regarding this post. She told me that I rolled my eyes when she tried to tell me some exciting life news that had to do with her....I mean, I am frankly unaware of the fact that I am an eye rolling asshole. But, you want to know something?! It all makes sense. Perhaps, people are keeping secrets from me because I react to their good news like a total moron and I make them feel bad for having good news. Oy. By the time I have any good news to share pertaining to my own life, there will be crickets.....I will have to go out back and confide in the garbage dumpster because I won't have a friend in the world to share in my excitement.
I am writing here to get over myself. To acknowledge my issues. To become better. To shed my layers. Today has already been a VERY good day because I have learned. It isn't all "whoa is me." I am getting back what I am giving back. Just like I just promised my best friend when she commented on this post directly to me, I appreciate the feedback and I will work on being better. I made a mistake and I was wrong. My actions influence my life. I want people to tell me their good news because genuinely, I am happy. I am SO very happy for you. I am just a bit jealous and jealously brings out the ugly in me. Thank you bff for being so honest, that is what real friends do. I don't hate happy, I actually love it.