I did not make this statement up. Stephanie Klein over at Greek Tragedy did and I remember reading this entry years ago when I was not working at work when I should have been.
I remember thinking, I am fat passing for thin! At this time in my life, I was thinner than I am now. I was living by myself most of the time, I was compulsively working out, I was eating sporadically, sometimes only candy and diet soda, but I was skinny for me and I was happy. I was also firm in the realization that this thin wouldn't stick. I was skinny because I was focused on it. I was determined to be this way at least for a little while. I was starving for a man. I was hoping to attract one with my body.
And I did. I attracted an asshat. I attracted the Awful Ex. He preyed on my insecurities. He saw me for who I was, a fat girl passing for thin. He knew it was smoke and mirrors. He felt my hunger and he fed me. And I became fat again. I became a fat girl longing for thin and 3 years later I am still this girl.
I don't want to long to be thin anymore. I don't want to pass for it temporarily anymore either. I want to actually be a normal healthy weight for life because I know I can be. Screw thin, I just don't want to be fat anymore.