Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Hate is really a strong word.  It isn't a word I take lightly.  In the past, I actually hated people.  Like the boys who called me fat in 6th grade and taunted me at lunch time and solidified my horrible body image or the few mean girls from high school who used me as their pawn and manipulated my feelings, started rumors about me, and blamed their mistakes on me, I made a mistake of continuing to come back for more with these chicks, so shame on us all.....I could hate all these idiots, but I don't anymore.  I really don't.  The boys are all ugly and married women much bigger than me (Facebook people) and the girls are despised by all and couldn't even show their faces at our 10 year reunion, karma is a very real thing....and because of this, I don't allow my feelings to be spent on people that have no direct impact on my life.  I know I mentioned therapy not helping my food issues, well, it did help here.....with my hate issues.

So, now, I only hate one person, the very bad, the very awful, the very recent, ex-boyfriend.

Yuck, it really sucks to hate someone.  So much energy is wasted hating. It is freaking exhausting, BUT I CANNOT HELP IT!  I hate him, I hate him, I hate him so deeply, every cell in my body hates him, he is like a fly I want to smash.  He is like poison to me.  We cannot be friends, we cannot be peaceful, we cannot just coexist.  This city will never be big enough for the 2 of us, friends of friends will never be far enough removed, he is evil, he is vain, he is cunning, he is manipulative, he is the worst person to ever grace the earth.  I wish him terrible things, well, really I don't, I want to, but then I feel bad, so I wish him a life where he will never be able to find out anything about me, because I know this will drive him crazy, because then he won't be able to compete with me.......

Why do I hate the Awful Ex?  Why you must be thinking....well, rest assured, I made a list:

I hate him because he lied about something very major.  It was the pivotal reason why I even dated him in the first place.

I hate him because he only lives his life for other people and never for himself (AND NEVER FOR ME!).

I hate him because he is obsessed with material things.

I hate him because he NEEDS to be cool.

I hate him because he never dealt with his past failed relationships before getting together with me.

I hate him because he can never be wrong.

I hate him because he said horrible things about my body.

I hate him because he didn't understand my need for solitude and quiet sometimes.

I hate him because he considered my friends to be his friends post breakup because he is very entitled.  I never considered his friends to be my property post breakup.

I hate him because he shared very private things about me, my body, and my life with our friends.  Very private things, things that should never be shared with anyone, but your significant other.

I hate him because he took money from me (he would say the same thing about me, I can admit) and didn't carry out his end of the bargain.

I hate him because he put his family before me and let me down many times overbooking his schedule.

I hate him because he made fun of me for the person I am and always was.

I hate him because he sucked my spirit right out of my body and then had the nerve to call me the "fun police."

I hate him because he was rude and never apologized to my family.  Right or wrong, my family should have been treated better.

I hate him because he needed to be busy and in the know all the time.  Never have I ever met a more insecure person.  Or a lazier one.  Or a more manipulative one. Or a more entitled one.

I hate him because I almost chose him over my family.

I hate him because when I thought something terrible was happening in my family, he chose to hang out with his friends and to not support me...this was a HUGE EYE OPENER!

I hate him because he acts like he is 18.  He makes impulsive decisions.  He drinks and drives (and operates other moving vehicles under the influence) and puts innocent people at risk.

I hate him because he will eventually hurt an innocent person with his reckless behavior.

I hate him because he forced me to do things I didn't want to do and I did them to make him happy.  I hate him and myself for this.

I hate him because I truly believed he loved me and would come back to me when I moved out.  And he didn't.  He actually went out and had sex with the first person he met to give it to me.

I hate him because he thinks he is good looking.  This actually really bothers me because he isn't at all.  I know you must be thinking: "WHY WOULD YOU DATE AN UGLY DUDE?!"......I will never do it again, I promise, I always date uglies because I think they will be nice to me, but it never happens.....he was way below me looks wise and thought he was so handsome....I just barfed in my mouth a bit thinking about intimate times with him.....I am NOT a 10...I am perhaps a 7.5 -8 when I am thin, a 6 now, he is a 2 (being nice) regardless of his weight.

I hate him because he doesn't listen and once ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP when I was telling him something really meaningful and important that happened to me.  It had to do with a cheating boyfriend, I will get to it some other time, I promise.

I hate him because he made me feel like I was in 10th grade, a grade I really hated.

I hate him because he thinks he has these awesome friends.  I can think of 3 that are actually good people.  The rest of them are super messed up alcoholics, drug addicts, womanizers, cheaters, are repressed sexually, and are huge liars.  Oh yes, they all use Mr. Everything to Everyone (aka Awful Ex) and he is completely oblivious.

I hate him because I thought I wanted to marry him and seriously dodged a bullet and I cannot believe I EVER thought that a person like HIM would ever me worthy of a person like ME.

I hate him because he wasn't the person I wanted him to be.

I hate him because I wasted 3+ years on him.

I hate him because he thinks he is better than me.

I hate him because he thinks he is smarter than me (and he is in school, but he isn't in life, he is a social IDIOT!)

I hate him most of all because he brought out the worst in me.  I became a very sad person when we lived together.  I became a dark hateful person and I told you I hate to hate.  I hate him because he frustrated me with make believe.

I am actually already feeling less hateful!  WOW! Lists are really helpful.....HIGHLY recommend it....

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