More Dreams

I woke up in the middle of the night again last night and I ate a few snacks....pretzels and cookies.  It is such an automatic reflex, it isn't even something I notice until I am in the middle of doing it.  I know how this whole eating at night thing started.....

When I drank to excess in years past, I would often wake up in the middle of the night dehydrated and when I mustered up enough strength, I would stumble to the kitchen and slam soda (always diet) and carby snacks, so I wouldn't puke.  Often the bubbles and bread helped and I would wake up feeling like shit, just not like total shit.  I always wrote these calories off as an absolute necessity (so they didn't ever count) because I mean, I would puke if I didn't eat them, so they were crucial (perhaps I shouldn't have been drinking to puketown....hmmmmmm)

Then, I was taking sleeping pills for a while when I first went on my anxiety medicine.  I am afraid of the dark (I still am, but I am working through it) and coupled with my anxiety, I went through a phase a few years ago when I didn't sleep for months....perhaps 3-4 hours a day max and it wasn't always at nighttime.  The good news, I had Bravo, Lifetime, MTV, VH1, Oxygen and my absolute favorite WE, so I could be constantly entertained by quality programming in the wee hours of the morning.

The sleeping pills, unleashed the eating monster in me.  Rooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr.  I would sleep eat and be just consciousness enough to not choke, but it wasn't fun and I stopped taking the sleeping pills very soon after I woke up with a half eaten Lean Pocket (meatball and marinara flavor, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) stuck to the back of my pajama pants. Reality check.

One of the advantages, there were a few, to dating Awful, was that I slept.  I slept because he had the side of the bed by the door, he had a security system, he owned several guns (many collectables and serious rifles), and he had a sure shot that could rival Annie Oakley.  I mean Awful did have some talent....he could have seriously shot a pea right through the middle from 50 yards away.  When I once saw him slay some birds, I had very mixed feelings of being impressed and being appalled. Contradiction he was, blue-blooded WASP democrat who killed baby animals....I digress, I digress again and again and again....

I can admit this now, one of the reasons I stayed with Awful was because his parents had a summer house, he had a boat, he owned a home in an expensive city, I slept.  I really slept, like black out slept sober, and it was something after years of not sleeping, that I really needed.  I do look forward to one day sharing a bed with a non-Awful because though I hate to snuggle and I am a hot sleeper (I like really cold sleeping quarters, cannot be confined by top sheets, and socks while sleeping is my version of hell), I do love the company of another warm body in a big cozy bed in a very chilly room.

My dream last night involved Dunbar from the Real World: Sidney.  It was brought to my attention that Dummy Bear (what all those cool MTVers call him) did some porn and I may have watched the clip (if you find it, SO NSFW obviously) and I will never get those 6 minutes of my life back even though sometimes (shhhhhhh) I do enjoy me some erotic film.  Being intimate with Dunbar in my dream made me feel like I was in college and whereas I like that feeling most of the time, I do remember being in some pretty bad sexy situations that I walked right into without knowing how to get out..one of them is that I was had sex with someone like on three separate occasions (I have been told) and I do not remember any one of those occasions.....I mean NOT good and I am SO lucky.

Being naked in my dream with Dunbar felt a bit like that.

Also, then I went to Starbucks in my dream and ordered a vanilla latte and forgot to say nonfat and then I thought they gave me whole milk even through I do believe the default is now 2% and then I never even got to drink that fattening delicious latte because my nephew came into my bed screaming "Rowseeeeeeeee" at 5am with really bad morning breath (I never knew 2 year olds can have terrible morning breath) because I must admit that I do a killer rendition of Ring Around the Rosie complete with a tickle-pickle (I made this genius up myself) breakdown that comes immediately after we all fall down.

Talent people, talent.