I just returned back from a trip to see my sis and her family. We also stopped to see Crush's sis and her hubby and had a lovely quick visit with them. It was a wonderful time and I love road trips. When I am with my Crush, time flies. He is also very good to me and stops multiples times for my beloved iced coffee, especially if I see a Dunkin Donuts at a particular exit.
A little news.....I picked out my engagement ring! Yes, it may not be traditional or a surprise, but I knew exactly what I wanted and I HATE surprises. My dream engagement involves me selecting my sparkles and I got to do just that. Swoon. Crush treats me very well and I am trying to remember how lucky I am each and every day because sometimes I can be very harsh with him. I am working on this little quality called patience.
I am pre-engaged I suppose. The ring is being made this week in NYC and then it will be shipped down South. I don't know when I will receive it, but perhaps in the next few weeks since I know of it's existence and I can be very persuasive. I do think Crush will surprise me with the actual proposal. I am taking my xanaxes in preparation, so I can just enjoy the moment.
I can tell you that when he proposes there will be tears, lots of tears. When we went to look at rings, Crush told me to play it cool and to not become too emotional. We went to see diamond dealers and brokers, so there was a bit of room for negotiation. Well, I tried, but I couldn't. The minute they slipped my now diamond in the setting I already knew I wanted (just like my mom's!), I lost it. Not a few dainty tears, but ugly sobs and a snot waterfall. Multiple tissues and I had to sit down to regroup. I still can't believe that everything I wished for, even now including the ring, is coming true. I do not have this kind of luck. I am used to being disappointed. Crush is my fairytale. We told the jewelers how we met and I did a happy booty shake with my sparkles on my left hand and they gave Crush a good deal (from what he told me, I was sent outside when money was discussed). They told Crush that with me "he will never have a dull moment." The same thing my dad told Crush when he asked my father for my hand a few weeks ago!
Crush was fantastic with my niece and nephew. They both adore him because he is so sweet and gentle. My sister watched Crush play with Big Baby and declared that he was going to be a great dad. I agree. He is very patient and allowed BB to order him around, control the pretend, and Crush even helped with potty breaks. We made him hold Little Baby who is now 6 months old and was the first baby Crush ever held when Crush came up to meet LB at the birth. LB held on tight like a koala bear, almost helping Crush out when we made then bond after a picnic supper in the park. It was so adorable, I could feel my ovaries sighing.
I hope everyone is doing well out there and no more trips for me for a little while, so I will be back to posting on the regular.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
A Very Wise Man
My uncle is the smartest person I know.
Not just because he is very turbo with his achievements including being a renowned doctor, an Ivy league graduate, and a visionary in his field, but because he is accessible.
If you saw his credentials on paper, you may be intimidated, but if you met him in person, you would think, "that is a very nice guy." He could be a cocky asshole, but he is just the opposite.
This past Saturday was Yom Kippur. The holiest day for Jews. One where we fast and reflect on the past year and hope and pray for only good things for the year to come for ourselves and for the ones we love.
At our annual break the fast dinner, my uncle toasted Crush and me. My entire family adores Crush and I can't wait to introduce my aunt and uncle and cousins to Crush's family because I know they will get a huge kick out of them, too.
Quickly, the table conversation turned to Awful and his whereabouts as one of my cousins shared that she had recently seen him on his scooter/sidecar and almost ran him over with her car (by accident) as Awful was driving like a maniac which is typical for him.
I informed them of his approaching wedding this coming weekend and like me, they were a bit surprised, but wished him the best of luck. My uncle got to know Awful a bit because he personally got him his job a few years ago. A fact that Awful (who had been unemployed for nearly a year before my uncle intervened) never thanked him for which really bothered my family, especially my dad (who already hated Awful for lying about major promises that he made to me).
But then my uncle said something that really resonated with me. "Ready and Fading, I never liked Awful. Did you know that? I know this may not be the best time to discuss it, being Yom Kippur and all, but I think he is a bullshitter. Time after time, he would ask me to go hunting with him. I counted 6 times. But, not once, did he ever follow up. A real man honors his commitments. I wish his new wife the best of luck because a man who says and does not do cannot ever be a good husband or a good friend. He is a person who will always come up empty. I respect Crush and I realized that he was a keeper when he got in his car and drove 900 miles to meet Sissy's new baby. That is what a real man does. A real man makes things happens and doesn't just talk about all of the things he will do someday."
My uncle, the very wise man, was right (of course!).
Crush has always made an effort. To see me, to speak with me, to email and text me back.
We never had guessing games or almosts or empty promises.
Even when I doubted him (and got super cray cray) because I had been so hurt before and because I was afraid that this was all too good to be true, he came through. Men had lied to me. Men had said mean things to me about my body. Men had wasted my time and my energy.
But not Crush.
Crush is a real man. The kind of man who says what he will do and then does it (even if sometimes it isn't exactly the way I would....this is something I am working on, accepting that there are many ways to get to the same solution!).
Now that I am no longer single, I think this is an easy litmus test to separate all of the very bad ones from the really good ones.
Real men honor commitments.
Not just because he is very turbo with his achievements including being a renowned doctor, an Ivy league graduate, and a visionary in his field, but because he is accessible.
If you saw his credentials on paper, you may be intimidated, but if you met him in person, you would think, "that is a very nice guy." He could be a cocky asshole, but he is just the opposite.
This past Saturday was Yom Kippur. The holiest day for Jews. One where we fast and reflect on the past year and hope and pray for only good things for the year to come for ourselves and for the ones we love.
At our annual break the fast dinner, my uncle toasted Crush and me. My entire family adores Crush and I can't wait to introduce my aunt and uncle and cousins to Crush's family because I know they will get a huge kick out of them, too.
Quickly, the table conversation turned to Awful and his whereabouts as one of my cousins shared that she had recently seen him on his scooter/sidecar and almost ran him over with her car (by accident) as Awful was driving like a maniac which is typical for him.
I informed them of his approaching wedding this coming weekend and like me, they were a bit surprised, but wished him the best of luck. My uncle got to know Awful a bit because he personally got him his job a few years ago. A fact that Awful (who had been unemployed for nearly a year before my uncle intervened) never thanked him for which really bothered my family, especially my dad (who already hated Awful for lying about major promises that he made to me).
But then my uncle said something that really resonated with me. "Ready and Fading, I never liked Awful. Did you know that? I know this may not be the best time to discuss it, being Yom Kippur and all, but I think he is a bullshitter. Time after time, he would ask me to go hunting with him. I counted 6 times. But, not once, did he ever follow up. A real man honors his commitments. I wish his new wife the best of luck because a man who says and does not do cannot ever be a good husband or a good friend. He is a person who will always come up empty. I respect Crush and I realized that he was a keeper when he got in his car and drove 900 miles to meet Sissy's new baby. That is what a real man does. A real man makes things happens and doesn't just talk about all of the things he will do someday."
My uncle, the very wise man, was right (of course!).
Crush has always made an effort. To see me, to speak with me, to email and text me back.
We never had guessing games or almosts or empty promises.
Even when I doubted him (and got super cray cray) because I had been so hurt before and because I was afraid that this was all too good to be true, he came through. Men had lied to me. Men had said mean things to me about my body. Men had wasted my time and my energy.
But not Crush.
Crush is a real man. The kind of man who says what he will do and then does it (even if sometimes it isn't exactly the way I would....this is something I am working on, accepting that there are many ways to get to the same solution!).
Now that I am no longer single, I think this is an easy litmus test to separate all of the very bad ones from the really good ones.
Real men honor commitments.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Jealous (A Post That I Am SUPER Embarrassed To Admit)
This post is hard for me to admit.
I went back and forth about even sharing it.
I feel silly.....but, I made a vow to myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't censor my feelings.
Here goes....
I am jealous.
Oy. I can't help it.
Sissy is in town this week with her babies and husband and we are all getting on like pie. What a relief. In the last year, I have matured a bit in terms of letting things go when I should, but something I can't always shake is sibling rivalry.
Don't get me wrong, Sissy is truly one of my best friends in the entire world. She gets me as only a few do. The bond we have is forever strong. I realize it more and more these past 2 years of my life, which have been my hardest yet.
1 of the reasons why my hometown doesn't feel like home anymore is because Sissy moved over 4 years ago. Ever since then, there has been an emptiness that only she can fill here. When I move down South, I will be a bit closer to her and every less mile counts. Crush and I plan to see them often and next summer we are already planning a week long trip all together in my new state. EXCITED.
But, there is a bit of competition. Dare I admit it, but it is my truth.
A little backstory coming and then back to the jealousy.
WARNING....WARNING: Bit of a weird thing I am going to share next, but it is a part of my ongoing recovery and related to this post as it has to do with appearance...deep breath...
Recently, I have learned that to my family, I am considered the beauty out of Sissy and me. WHY ARE PEOPLE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS? This is not to brag or boast, this is simply to admit the fact that I had no idea....
I am working through it in therapy...letters from my family about me that I open up in my sessions and reflect upon....they reveal what others think and it is painful. What other people think of me is one of my biggest fears. Coming to terms with my "surrounding reality" (what we call our immediate life in therapy) feels like I am being suffocated every week.
I have such a disordered sense of self.
I just do not see myself as pretty. I see myself as ugly, fat, and annoying. The past 2 years have a lot to do with this. I am still not ready yet, but eventually I will share some of my recent downfalls which involved trying to help people from my past as clients. Just wasn't a good fit and brought back feelings of high school and overall stupidity. The push and pull became so much more than a simple professional - client relationship. Gray area at it's best.
I don't know why I even walked into that lions den because I knew it wasn't going to end well. And it didn't. After I separate myself from the midwest by miles and miles, I will be ready to divulge a bit more, I promise.
I take every insult so literally that the compliments escape me completely. Yet, every mean thing ever directed at me has been eternally tattooed on my soul. It was one of the reasons why I loved to drink and get WASTED. To black out from my sounding reality. I literally cannot clearly recall several years of my early 20's...just bits and pieces in dreams. I was running away from myself.
So, back to the jealousy.
Why am I jealous? It seems too silly to even type. Just like typing about my looks, but, well, Sissy is skinny. She had a baby in February and ALL of her baby weight is gone. She is slim, after having 2 babies and I am huge compared to her. BIG. ENORMOUS. We took a photo together and after seeing it, I couldn't even keep it....I had to delete it even though she looked gorgeous.
To clarify a bit, Sissy is a smaller lady than me. About 5 inches shorter and more delicately boned. At her wedding (which she weighs the same now), I was only 20 pounds heavier than her. We looked about the same weight, my arms were actually thinner. Now, I am 45 pounds heavier (I was very slim for me at her wedding, the smallest I have ever been).... this change in myself makes me feel like I can't breathe sometimes.
This weight is heavy on my heart. I haven't had a baby. I haven't been married.
I have eaten my bad feelings and now they are under my skin. Trapping me.
Today, I am home alone working. I have TONS to do. The family is out and I started bawling because how did I lose my self control with food? Why am I back counting points for the 6th time? I vowed after Sissy's wedding that I would stay trim....WHAT HAPPENED...Awful did and lots of emotional turmoil in quick summary...but, I should be able to control my food through out my hardships.
I used to be disciplined with my diet and trying to look my best. When did I give up?
Today, I started to binge again. It was an automatic reflex to my sadness. I had some chocolate and some popcorn. I ate some rice salad and a nectarine. And then I stopped. My throat closed up and I had a mind/body connection that is a new feeling for me. I am just getting used to hearing my voice and allowing it to surpass by anxiety. When it happens, it is almost like having an orgasm. It surprises me.
Mind: "Stop. Stop. You are eating because you are sad about how you feel about yourself. Eating more will not change this. Stop. Remove yourself from the kitchen. Track your WeightWatchers points and move on. You are tired and thirsty. Take a nap."
Body: I threw out what I was binging on, washed my hands, and got a huge glass of ice water. I left the kitchen and I laid down.
I won this little battle.
Progress.
This struggle is hour by hour, minute by minute. But, by being conscious all the time and by listening to my mind, I know I can do this. Somewhere inside of me, my strength is starting to simmer.
So, I had my little pity party. My sister is skinny and I am jealous. So what? She is still my sister and I love her just the same. She is kind, supportive, respectful, and intelligent. She is a person that I trust and depend on. As I get older, I realize how important this is. There are so many less people like this in my life than I once assumed.
I am battling a food addiction.
Coming to terms with it has been a reality check that I have been avoiding for way over 12 years. I always knew it, but I didn't want to fight it. I wasn't ready. I wasn't strong enough yet.
I knew inside it would be a hard fight and IT IS.
I wish there was an instant fix for this. I wish there was a way to feel like myself inside AND out. But, I have to get over myself and my fear of failure.
I will do this.
And unlike the old me, I will not let vanity lead this battle.....I want it for health, for life, for ME. I want to be able to go to a party without fearing my appearance in posted photos. I want to be able to take a trip and enjoy the sights just as much as the restaurants. I want to be the same size for more than just a few months. To enjoy by wardrobe 4 seasons in a row.
I want my mind to lead and my body to follow.
I went back and forth about even sharing it.
I feel silly.....but, I made a vow to myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't censor my feelings.
Here goes....
I am jealous.
Oy. I can't help it.
Sissy is in town this week with her babies and husband and we are all getting on like pie. What a relief. In the last year, I have matured a bit in terms of letting things go when I should, but something I can't always shake is sibling rivalry.
Don't get me wrong, Sissy is truly one of my best friends in the entire world. She gets me as only a few do. The bond we have is forever strong. I realize it more and more these past 2 years of my life, which have been my hardest yet.
1 of the reasons why my hometown doesn't feel like home anymore is because Sissy moved over 4 years ago. Ever since then, there has been an emptiness that only she can fill here. When I move down South, I will be a bit closer to her and every less mile counts. Crush and I plan to see them often and next summer we are already planning a week long trip all together in my new state. EXCITED.
But, there is a bit of competition. Dare I admit it, but it is my truth.
A little backstory coming and then back to the jealousy.
WARNING....WARNING: Bit of a weird thing I am going to share next, but it is a part of my ongoing recovery and related to this post as it has to do with appearance...deep breath...
Recently, I have learned that to my family, I am considered the beauty out of Sissy and me. WHY ARE PEOPLE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS? This is not to brag or boast, this is simply to admit the fact that I had no idea....
I am working through it in therapy...letters from my family about me that I open up in my sessions and reflect upon....they reveal what others think and it is painful. What other people think of me is one of my biggest fears. Coming to terms with my "surrounding reality" (what we call our immediate life in therapy) feels like I am being suffocated every week.
I have such a disordered sense of self.
I just do not see myself as pretty. I see myself as ugly, fat, and annoying. The past 2 years have a lot to do with this. I am still not ready yet, but eventually I will share some of my recent downfalls which involved trying to help people from my past as clients. Just wasn't a good fit and brought back feelings of high school and overall stupidity. The push and pull became so much more than a simple professional - client relationship. Gray area at it's best.
I don't know why I even walked into that lions den because I knew it wasn't going to end well. And it didn't. After I separate myself from the midwest by miles and miles, I will be ready to divulge a bit more, I promise.
I take every insult so literally that the compliments escape me completely. Yet, every mean thing ever directed at me has been eternally tattooed on my soul. It was one of the reasons why I loved to drink and get WASTED. To black out from my sounding reality. I literally cannot clearly recall several years of my early 20's...just bits and pieces in dreams. I was running away from myself.
So, back to the jealousy.
Why am I jealous? It seems too silly to even type. Just like typing about my looks, but, well, Sissy is skinny. She had a baby in February and ALL of her baby weight is gone. She is slim, after having 2 babies and I am huge compared to her. BIG. ENORMOUS. We took a photo together and after seeing it, I couldn't even keep it....I had to delete it even though she looked gorgeous.
To clarify a bit, Sissy is a smaller lady than me. About 5 inches shorter and more delicately boned. At her wedding (which she weighs the same now), I was only 20 pounds heavier than her. We looked about the same weight, my arms were actually thinner. Now, I am 45 pounds heavier (I was very slim for me at her wedding, the smallest I have ever been).... this change in myself makes me feel like I can't breathe sometimes.
This weight is heavy on my heart. I haven't had a baby. I haven't been married.
I have eaten my bad feelings and now they are under my skin. Trapping me.
Today, I am home alone working. I have TONS to do. The family is out and I started bawling because how did I lose my self control with food? Why am I back counting points for the 6th time? I vowed after Sissy's wedding that I would stay trim....WHAT HAPPENED...Awful did and lots of emotional turmoil in quick summary...but, I should be able to control my food through out my hardships.
I used to be disciplined with my diet and trying to look my best. When did I give up?
Today, I started to binge again. It was an automatic reflex to my sadness. I had some chocolate and some popcorn. I ate some rice salad and a nectarine. And then I stopped. My throat closed up and I had a mind/body connection that is a new feeling for me. I am just getting used to hearing my voice and allowing it to surpass by anxiety. When it happens, it is almost like having an orgasm. It surprises me.
Mind: "Stop. Stop. You are eating because you are sad about how you feel about yourself. Eating more will not change this. Stop. Remove yourself from the kitchen. Track your WeightWatchers points and move on. You are tired and thirsty. Take a nap."
Body: I threw out what I was binging on, washed my hands, and got a huge glass of ice water. I left the kitchen and I laid down.
I won this little battle.
Progress.
This struggle is hour by hour, minute by minute. But, by being conscious all the time and by listening to my mind, I know I can do this. Somewhere inside of me, my strength is starting to simmer.
So, I had my little pity party. My sister is skinny and I am jealous. So what? She is still my sister and I love her just the same. She is kind, supportive, respectful, and intelligent. She is a person that I trust and depend on. As I get older, I realize how important this is. There are so many less people like this in my life than I once assumed.
I am battling a food addiction.
Coming to terms with it has been a reality check that I have been avoiding for way over 12 years. I always knew it, but I didn't want to fight it. I wasn't ready. I wasn't strong enough yet.
I knew inside it would be a hard fight and IT IS.
I wish there was an instant fix for this. I wish there was a way to feel like myself inside AND out. But, I have to get over myself and my fear of failure.
I will do this.
And unlike the old me, I will not let vanity lead this battle.....I want it for health, for life, for ME. I want to be able to go to a party without fearing my appearance in posted photos. I want to be able to take a trip and enjoy the sights just as much as the restaurants. I want to be the same size for more than just a few months. To enjoy by wardrobe 4 seasons in a row.
I want my mind to lead and my body to follow.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Memories In The Making.....The Parents Meet!
The
trip was a total success. Better than I
imagined. I am floating on a
cloud…….and…..in a very traditional Southern turn of events, I have been
somewhat lavaliered. Yes, lavaliered….
Not
is the Greek system sense as it doesn’t have any fraternity ties, but, Crush
gave me his prep school class ring today after lunch with a grand speech about
how it is traditional to give a class ring from his particular school before an
engagement ring and he wants me to know that he is starting the process. He chose to tell me this in the midst of a 3 mile walk around town in the middle of the day when it was 92 degrees and 100 percent humidity. I was also wearing jeans and needing a cold
drink badly and we were on our way to get 1 for me. I was so confused as to what was exactly going
on (was he about to propose!?) that I nearly fainted!
Not
yet, but we are getting closer. Almost
to Phase 2 we are…..he told me that I should wear the ring on my left hand ring
finger to “warm it up” for the next couple months. Swoon.
Also,
I have huge fingers for a lady and he mentioned that he can’t wear the class
ring on any of his fingers anymore (he was a LATE bloomer and grew about 8
inches during college), but it fits my left hand ring finger perfectly. Again, I am not at all surprised because
things with us always seem to be this way, but still…what are the chances?
Crush
told me he will be coming back out to the Midwest 1 more time to “talk to my
Daddy” this summer and that his Momma and he are beginning to work on picking
out my ring……In an odd turn of events, my Mom’s ring and his Momma's are exactly
the same setting, just with a different shaped diamond! Crush's Momma has
phenomenal taste and I admire her fashion sense, poise, and kindness. I am VERY happy that she will be involved in
the process. I think it is super sweet and a huge compliment that she wants to help him with the ring.
I
am NOT just excited about a ring (which I am), but to spend my life in a place
I LOVE with a man I LOVE. I truly
believe that Crush is the ONLY man for me and this trip out gave me tons of
confidence that my future will be bright.
Better than I ever dreamed. I
can’t wait to be the lady I have always been in my heart. To emerge from my cocoon.
So….the
parents meeting….well….it was JUST PERFECT!!! Everyone got on like a house on
fire and the folks just clicked. The
weekend went by in a flash! 2 suppers
with his folks, 1 show with his folks, 1 concert with his folks, 1 lunch with
his lovely Grandmomma, 1 trip to the beach, 1 trip to Crush’s home town and
many many many sites in between….sunsets, singing, fried chicken, white wine, champagne toasts, and ice cream cones. HEAVEN. I also worked out everyday I was there which is a huge accomplishment in itself....I just feel SO good in the South! Everything is easier for me.
My
folks just like me, felt right at home.
There is simply nothing like Southern hospitality. Common courtesy, patience, social grace and manners,
and best of all, everyone is super friendly!
I
am sorry to say, but my current city is just missing it all…..and it may just be
me, but I personally feel that here, I lose a little
faith in humanity day by day. The mean
girls. The backstabbing. The crime.
The violence. The racial
tension. The road rage. The political corruption.
And
I know that in my future state, things are not perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist, but the simple
acknowledgement of life does. Pregnant
ladies (all ladies as a matter of fact!) are offered seats, doors are held
open, people who know each other…even just a little bit, actually stop to say
“hello” and do not pretend to not see one each other (I am guilty of this in my
city as I feel like it is just the way to conduct myself socially), store
clerks and servers smile, exchange pleasantries, and make eye contact. It is so refreshing. I hope it never changes. I LOVE IT!
It
makes me feel like I have purpose, the friendliness….that the world cares about the people in
it. I feel at peace and it brings out
the best in me. I smile and wave and
chat and hug and compliment and walk with my head held high. I stand up straight and make healthy choices
for my mind and body.
When
I am down South, my anxiety is minimal, my confidence is sky-high, and my need
to binge eat is non-existent. It is such
a huge indication of how environment is a major trigger for me. If I do not like where I am, it is hard for
me to be myself. It is shocking that my
location has such a great influence on my feeling of self-worth. But at 32 years old, I still have so much
life left ahead of me (let's hope!!!). I know when I move, I
will not only let go of the past things that have hurt me, I will celebrate how
far I have come in order to get to a peaceful place for me.
Just
like how I sent my “Husband List” out to sea last June to my
grandfather, I plan to send a letter out to the universe to all of the people that have hurt me
in September when I move. I plan to list
why they hurt me, what I could have done better, and what I have learned. I will send it out at my happiest
place on Earth (Crush’s beach house) and then it will all be in the past and given to the powers above, if
you will. I do believe that forgiveness
is necessary for progress and I want to be the best and brightest I can be for
me.
This
weekend I learned more about Crush’s past, present, and future. His family is so utterly fascinating. Trend-setters. Barrier breakers. Entrepreneurs. Charitable beyond comprehension. I know why he kept so much a secret. I would have, too…..I understand it all
now. History. I am encouraging him to write a book. He has a story to tell. He is truly one of a
kind and a product of his environment. I
say this now as only a compliment.
The
future holds so much good. The present is
being wrapped up now. I love and care
for my clients dearly and I will DO WHATEVER I CAN to make everything the
absolute best it can be.
I
want to leave on a high note, especially since I have heard terrible rumors and
lies about me. It is time to prove
myself to myself….my final swan song in a place I cannot wait to not call
home.
The
past will finally be in the past and my future is so clear and near, I can taste it.
Live life now, but dream big.
Monday, May 20, 2013
A Weekend in Review and Apple Cider Vinegar
I had a very emotional weekend this past weekend.
I could NOT figure out why I was so blue until I looked at the date and realized that I was supposed to be working, but it was an event I was fired from....Even though I was SO SUPER RELIVED.....I also slugged around feeling like a bit of a failure...
On the plus side, I have been in a great workout place lately which I am proud of. Not obsessed, just balanced. I have been visiting the gym 4-6 times a week and on days I do not make it there, I do a 30 minute free weight routine while I watch Hulu on my laptop.....it works! 4 years ago when I was actually the thinnest I have ever been (around the time Sissy got married I got down to 160 pounds and a solid size 10 which is small for me!), I did my free weights everyday while watching Bravo and it was the weights and not just the Spinning that really helped the scale budge.....
I had to think back to what worked for me in my decades of dieting and working out and I HIGHLY recommend a little light weights (I lift 5 pound weights at home and then 7.5 - 10 pound weights at the gym) for maximum shrinkage.
Saturday, I went on a 35 mile bike ride with my Dad. How awesome is my Dad!!! He will be 65 next month and he is in terrific shape which I never give him credit for.....he can ski 10 days in a row out West and bike for miles and miles and he is a great role model because the man has NEVER been a member of a gym! Dad loves activity and found sports he enjoys and tries to do them often. We are bike buddies and even have the same bike! When I was a baby, my Dad would put me on the back of his bike (the original baby bike seats that were on the back and not the front of bikes like they are now) and I actually remember getting too big for my baby bike seat when I was 3 and being REALLY upset....it is one of my first memories!
Dad and I rode to a little town we love to make our rest stop because it is full of quaint cafes, bars, and ice cream shops. He gets a beer, I get ice cream and we sit and chat with lots of other people enjoying life and it always puts me in great mood...which I needed. On Saturday, Dad actually asked me to slow down a few times which means I have been improving! Since I have been training for my upcoming Century (100 mile) ride in October, I have upped my pace from 12-13 miles an hour to 14-15 miles an hour and Dad likes to ride a bit more leisurely...made me feel great as those hours in the gym are paying off.
After the bike ride, Mom, Dad, and I went out for burgers and it made me really sad as I remember the time (even up to 2 years ago!) when I would rather be hanging out with many other people than my own parents, but now I am just so blessed and fortunate that spending a day with my family is what I look forward to most. I am REALLY going to miss them. Being away from Mom and Dad will be my biggest transition I am anticipating out of everything.
Yesterday, I had an AWESOME workout at the gym, caught up on email, and ate a massive amount of sushi for dinner....again perfection!
Before bed, Crush and I had a wonderful chat about the future and I am feeling much better about EVERYTHING. I realize now that my issues with the money are simply because of how Awful treated his trust (yes, this is the second man I have dated from family money and with a trust fund), and Crush is so different: generous, better with money and seeing the future (Awful loves to SPEND and Crush loves to SAVE), and Crush's commitment to his family and past and future investments are much deeper than Awful's. Crush wants to leave something for the next generation whereas Awful just wanted to buy tons of motorcycles! All will be fine and I need to stop worrying and start functioning.
Apple cider vinegar time....:
You may not know this, but ACV is an amazing cure-all for many things: acne scars, indigestion, weight loss support, and most importantly for psoriasis relief! Again, I love TRYING so many things, that I often forget what works best and ACV has always topically helped my skin...even though it can stink!
I began researching it again after a particular itchy few weeks from stress and I learned that ingesting it has wonderful properties that many many many people truly believe in.
ACV has the power to re-adjust ph levels in the body and purify toxins. So.....for the last 2 weeks, I have been drinking 2 AVC drink mixtures a day. 1 after breakfast and 1 in the evening. I make mine by mixing 1 TBSP unfiltered AVC (Heinz and Braggs are good brands....you need the kind with the "Mother" in it as it has the best healing properties) with 16 ounces of seltzer water and 3 ounces of natural (I like either Newman's or Simply) lemonade. After a few days, I have been actually craving this little drink....yes, it is an acquired taste and the ACV is STRONG, but after I have my ACV, I experience a surge of energy and I do not feel hungry for a while....YAY!
The ACV is acidic, so I drink mine with a straw and brush my teeth after I finish it as I don't want the enamel on my teeth to weaken anymore than it already has (my 7 year diet soda addiction....4-7 cans a day...was not kind to my teeth!).
In the 2 weeks since I started my ACV, my skin is clearer (psoriasis and complexion), my hair is shiner, and my nails are longer and stronger! I love trying natural solutions over anything else and this is a keeper!
Also, I have a scar on my tummy from my plastic surgery and I read that the ACV breaks down scars and in 2 weeks, I have seen a MAJOR difference to my scar (softened, reduce in redness)....that in itself is reason enough to try it!
Here is a link for the helpful uses for ACV and if you can handle the smell.....TRY IT!
If you have psoriasis like I do....here is another link for you!
HAPPY MONDAY!
I could NOT figure out why I was so blue until I looked at the date and realized that I was supposed to be working, but it was an event I was fired from....Even though I was SO SUPER RELIVED.....I also slugged around feeling like a bit of a failure...
On the plus side, I have been in a great workout place lately which I am proud of. Not obsessed, just balanced. I have been visiting the gym 4-6 times a week and on days I do not make it there, I do a 30 minute free weight routine while I watch Hulu on my laptop.....it works! 4 years ago when I was actually the thinnest I have ever been (around the time Sissy got married I got down to 160 pounds and a solid size 10 which is small for me!), I did my free weights everyday while watching Bravo and it was the weights and not just the Spinning that really helped the scale budge.....
I had to think back to what worked for me in my decades of dieting and working out and I HIGHLY recommend a little light weights (I lift 5 pound weights at home and then 7.5 - 10 pound weights at the gym) for maximum shrinkage.
Saturday, I went on a 35 mile bike ride with my Dad. How awesome is my Dad!!! He will be 65 next month and he is in terrific shape which I never give him credit for.....he can ski 10 days in a row out West and bike for miles and miles and he is a great role model because the man has NEVER been a member of a gym! Dad loves activity and found sports he enjoys and tries to do them often. We are bike buddies and even have the same bike! When I was a baby, my Dad would put me on the back of his bike (the original baby bike seats that were on the back and not the front of bikes like they are now) and I actually remember getting too big for my baby bike seat when I was 3 and being REALLY upset....it is one of my first memories!
Dad and I rode to a little town we love to make our rest stop because it is full of quaint cafes, bars, and ice cream shops. He gets a beer, I get ice cream and we sit and chat with lots of other people enjoying life and it always puts me in great mood...which I needed. On Saturday, Dad actually asked me to slow down a few times which means I have been improving! Since I have been training for my upcoming Century (100 mile) ride in October, I have upped my pace from 12-13 miles an hour to 14-15 miles an hour and Dad likes to ride a bit more leisurely...made me feel great as those hours in the gym are paying off.
After the bike ride, Mom, Dad, and I went out for burgers and it made me really sad as I remember the time (even up to 2 years ago!) when I would rather be hanging out with many other people than my own parents, but now I am just so blessed and fortunate that spending a day with my family is what I look forward to most. I am REALLY going to miss them. Being away from Mom and Dad will be my biggest transition I am anticipating out of everything.
Yesterday, I had an AWESOME workout at the gym, caught up on email, and ate a massive amount of sushi for dinner....again perfection!
Before bed, Crush and I had a wonderful chat about the future and I am feeling much better about EVERYTHING. I realize now that my issues with the money are simply because of how Awful treated his trust (yes, this is the second man I have dated from family money and with a trust fund), and Crush is so different: generous, better with money and seeing the future (Awful loves to SPEND and Crush loves to SAVE), and Crush's commitment to his family and past and future investments are much deeper than Awful's. Crush wants to leave something for the next generation whereas Awful just wanted to buy tons of motorcycles! All will be fine and I need to stop worrying and start functioning.
Apple cider vinegar time....:
You may not know this, but ACV is an amazing cure-all for many things: acne scars, indigestion, weight loss support, and most importantly for psoriasis relief! Again, I love TRYING so many things, that I often forget what works best and ACV has always topically helped my skin...even though it can stink!
I began researching it again after a particular itchy few weeks from stress and I learned that ingesting it has wonderful properties that many many many people truly believe in.
ACV has the power to re-adjust ph levels in the body and purify toxins. So.....for the last 2 weeks, I have been drinking 2 AVC drink mixtures a day. 1 after breakfast and 1 in the evening. I make mine by mixing 1 TBSP unfiltered AVC (Heinz and Braggs are good brands....you need the kind with the "Mother" in it as it has the best healing properties) with 16 ounces of seltzer water and 3 ounces of natural (I like either Newman's or Simply) lemonade. After a few days, I have been actually craving this little drink....yes, it is an acquired taste and the ACV is STRONG, but after I have my ACV, I experience a surge of energy and I do not feel hungry for a while....YAY!
The ACV is acidic, so I drink mine with a straw and brush my teeth after I finish it as I don't want the enamel on my teeth to weaken anymore than it already has (my 7 year diet soda addiction....4-7 cans a day...was not kind to my teeth!).
In the 2 weeks since I started my ACV, my skin is clearer (psoriasis and complexion), my hair is shiner, and my nails are longer and stronger! I love trying natural solutions over anything else and this is a keeper!
Also, I have a scar on my tummy from my plastic surgery and I read that the ACV breaks down scars and in 2 weeks, I have seen a MAJOR difference to my scar (softened, reduce in redness)....that in itself is reason enough to try it!
Here is a link for the helpful uses for ACV and if you can handle the smell.....TRY IT!
If you have psoriasis like I do....here is another link for you!
HAPPY MONDAY!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Grandmother Does Not Always Know Best
Yesterday, I spent the morning with my Mommy, cousins, and my aunt and uncle. We celebrated Mother's Day with lots of cake and presents celebrating my youngest cousin's 3rd birthday. It was such a lovely brunch and I realized just how much I am going to miss this family. We weren't always super close growing up (my oldest cousins are 12 years older than me), but ever since I graduated college, I see them often and always look forward to it. They are all super accomplished, but down to earth, fun, and excellent company to enjoy way too much wine with!
After brunch (in my case too much frosting!), Mom and I headed to see my Grandmother. My Dad (it is his mom) went out east to see Sissy and the babies for Mother's Day. My parents like to take turns going out there, so they can give Sissy the most help possible, they are very kind like that.
Grandmother was her usual bitter self, but it was the good deed of the day. She deserved a visit because she gave birth to my Dad who just happens to be one of the best gents around.
During our visit, Grandma, spoke at us and NOT to us. She likes to do this. Grandma is very upset about her life and the way it turned out. It breaks my heart. She didn't love her life. She now tells us that she didn't love my Grandfather (who I miss dearly and who I believe had a major influence setting me up with Crush...I was closest with him and my mom's mother out of all of my grandparents).....
She is starting to reinvent the past to fit her theories. She tells us that my Grandfather didn't want my Dad to go to college (FALSE, my Grandfather was SUPER proud of how smart my dad was and encouraged him to work as hard as he could, so he could get an academic scholarship and my Dad did just that) and that my Grandfather died with tons of money that is in a hidden account (FALSE, he died with almost nothing and my Dad supports his mother entirely and pays for her living facility and caregiver and both are EXTREMELY expensive and she shows no appreciation....my Dad could put her in a nursing home, but he doesn't want to do it since he has some money saved).
My Dad has become very depressed since retiring and losing his father because he feels obligated to see my Grandmother every day and every day she sits and tells him these huge tales and it hurts him. He has started to fight back and he wasn't raised that way (to disrespect his elders), so now my Grandmother feels like he is taking my Grandfather's side and come on.....let my Grandfather rest in peace....he died still married to her. Why is she SO ANGRY????
The truth is that my Grandmother has never been a happy woman. She is the type that needs conflict to feel control. She was born to a very wealthy family and was raised a much higher class than my Grandfather was raised. She felt superior to him. Her father died suddenly of a heart attack at age 50 in the midst of the Depression and he had lost their fortune from making a bad investment a few months prior to his death....they were left with nothing. My Grandmother had to work to support her family at age 15 and her mother had a nervous breakdown. She married my Grandfather at 24, but now tells us that she could have married better, that she was forced to be low class....she married him out of desperation and for shelter.
Listening to her is exhausting...especially because you cannot dispute her stories.....
Everyone in my family loves Crush, including my Grandmother. Oooooohhhh, I do have to applaud Grandma for her tirades on Awful, I even have to admit that she gave him some good digs....and once referred to him as a troll which wasn't nice at all, but is not far from the truth.
She told me that Crush is everything she ever wanted yesterday.....she said, "Your fellow is what I should have had. He is tall, handsome, kind, gentile, and upper class. He is really a good find. Do whatever you can to marry him. Do not let him get away. You will never ever do better. Trust me. You are aging. Is his family okay with your weight and class level? They must see through it because you are Jewish, so with all of this intermarriage at least you have that going for you...."
I just sat there and.........laughed. I know it wasn't perhaps the best reaction, but my Mom and I looked at each other and had a full-out giggle fit. Her words are just words. I cannot let them bother me because it isn't worth it.
Weight-wise, I do have to work on it a bit, that is true...but I am not morbidly obese. Class-wise...I cannot even get into this lunacy...yes, Crush's family is very established, but they are not unapproachable and my family also (including MOST of my Grandmother's nieces and nephews) has tons of kind, successful, professional people in it....I do not know what she is talking about it....
Then she left me with this nugget of wisdom:
"Get thin, so when they say bad things about you, at least they will not be calling you fat.."
HIGH SCHOOL! OMG, my Grandmother is a mean 11th grader.
Yesterday, all of my lessons that I have been living became fully formed. My Grandmother helped me see that without happiness, life is not worth really living.
Finding that happiness is a personal mission and what makes one person happy cannot be said about another. Everyone needs to find their own destiny, their own calling, their own good place for them.
I am going to be everything that my Grandmother couldn't be because I plan to die happy.
It won't be just because of Crush (he will of course have a lot to do with it, but not EVERYTHING).
It won't be just because I may have money.
It won't be because I am a size six.
If I am blessed to live until 94, I will be happy because I was given the miracle of life and decided that life is too short to dwell on what went wrong.
What is important to recall is what went right.
HAPPY MONDAY!
After brunch (in my case too much frosting!), Mom and I headed to see my Grandmother. My Dad (it is his mom) went out east to see Sissy and the babies for Mother's Day. My parents like to take turns going out there, so they can give Sissy the most help possible, they are very kind like that.
Grandmother was her usual bitter self, but it was the good deed of the day. She deserved a visit because she gave birth to my Dad who just happens to be one of the best gents around.
During our visit, Grandma, spoke at us and NOT to us. She likes to do this. Grandma is very upset about her life and the way it turned out. It breaks my heart. She didn't love her life. She now tells us that she didn't love my Grandfather (who I miss dearly and who I believe had a major influence setting me up with Crush...I was closest with him and my mom's mother out of all of my grandparents).....
She is starting to reinvent the past to fit her theories. She tells us that my Grandfather didn't want my Dad to go to college (FALSE, my Grandfather was SUPER proud of how smart my dad was and encouraged him to work as hard as he could, so he could get an academic scholarship and my Dad did just that) and that my Grandfather died with tons of money that is in a hidden account (FALSE, he died with almost nothing and my Dad supports his mother entirely and pays for her living facility and caregiver and both are EXTREMELY expensive and she shows no appreciation....my Dad could put her in a nursing home, but he doesn't want to do it since he has some money saved).
My Dad has become very depressed since retiring and losing his father because he feels obligated to see my Grandmother every day and every day she sits and tells him these huge tales and it hurts him. He has started to fight back and he wasn't raised that way (to disrespect his elders), so now my Grandmother feels like he is taking my Grandfather's side and come on.....let my Grandfather rest in peace....he died still married to her. Why is she SO ANGRY????
The truth is that my Grandmother has never been a happy woman. She is the type that needs conflict to feel control. She was born to a very wealthy family and was raised a much higher class than my Grandfather was raised. She felt superior to him. Her father died suddenly of a heart attack at age 50 in the midst of the Depression and he had lost their fortune from making a bad investment a few months prior to his death....they were left with nothing. My Grandmother had to work to support her family at age 15 and her mother had a nervous breakdown. She married my Grandfather at 24, but now tells us that she could have married better, that she was forced to be low class....she married him out of desperation and for shelter.
Listening to her is exhausting...especially because you cannot dispute her stories.....
Everyone in my family loves Crush, including my Grandmother. Oooooohhhh, I do have to applaud Grandma for her tirades on Awful, I even have to admit that she gave him some good digs....and once referred to him as a troll which wasn't nice at all, but is not far from the truth.
She told me that Crush is everything she ever wanted yesterday.....she said, "Your fellow is what I should have had. He is tall, handsome, kind, gentile, and upper class. He is really a good find. Do whatever you can to marry him. Do not let him get away. You will never ever do better. Trust me. You are aging. Is his family okay with your weight and class level? They must see through it because you are Jewish, so with all of this intermarriage at least you have that going for you...."
I just sat there and.........laughed. I know it wasn't perhaps the best reaction, but my Mom and I looked at each other and had a full-out giggle fit. Her words are just words. I cannot let them bother me because it isn't worth it.
Weight-wise, I do have to work on it a bit, that is true...but I am not morbidly obese. Class-wise...I cannot even get into this lunacy...yes, Crush's family is very established, but they are not unapproachable and my family also (including MOST of my Grandmother's nieces and nephews) has tons of kind, successful, professional people in it....I do not know what she is talking about it....
Then she left me with this nugget of wisdom:
"Get thin, so when they say bad things about you, at least they will not be calling you fat.."
HIGH SCHOOL! OMG, my Grandmother is a mean 11th grader.
Yesterday, all of my lessons that I have been living became fully formed. My Grandmother helped me see that without happiness, life is not worth really living.
Finding that happiness is a personal mission and what makes one person happy cannot be said about another. Everyone needs to find their own destiny, their own calling, their own good place for them.
I am going to be everything that my Grandmother couldn't be because I plan to die happy.
It won't be just because of Crush (he will of course have a lot to do with it, but not EVERYTHING).
It won't be just because I may have money.
It won't be because I am a size six.
If I am blessed to live until 94, I will be happy because I was given the miracle of life and decided that life is too short to dwell on what went wrong.
What is important to recall is what went right.
HAPPY MONDAY!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Playing House
Crush drove
almost 800 miles to meet Little Baby, Big Baby, Sissy, Better-Bro-In-Law (who
was bad before and is so much better now), and my folks who were also
visiting. He also met my aunt and uncle
who just happened to be in town, and then some of sissy’s new friends, who are all
lovely.
It was the BEST
4 days ever.
I shared with
you a few weeks ago that I got a little mean and craycray with Crush because of
stupid silly things. I took a lot of my
work stress out on him, I made mean accusations, and I hurt his feelings. The only silver lining….I saw my nasty
behavior and accepted responsibility for it almost immediately and Crush
accepted my apologies and we talked out our little issues and agreed that we
BOTH (yes, even the most perfect me…….) have things to work on independently
and as a couple and we are actually doing that and it feels super good.
One of my
greatest joys has been having the opportunity to bond with Big Baby and be
there when Little Baby was born. It puts
life and all of it’s madness and sadness and unpredictability into perspective. Babies are simply miracles. Life is truly magical.
Crush doesn’t
have much experience with little ones.
But, he loves kids. Big Baby felt
his kindness and sincerity almost immediately (children are like dogs, they
sense safety and love) and Crush played beautifully for hours with the two of us. He sang songs, went down slides, pushed
swings, read bedtime stories, and fed snacks.
His only downfall……his baby voice sounds terrifyingly just like Adam
Sandler’s when he was Opera Man on SNL…..but, that is a flaw I can see past.
Crush and I were
able to take Big Baby out of the house for hours at a time to relieve Sissy and
let her get some sleep between nursing Little Baby. Sissy may not be a great athlete, but she can
sure push out a baby (less than 15 minutes for both babies once she got to
pushing) and nurse…..we all have our talents.
On our
excursions with Big Baby, we had a blast.
We ate lunch together at restaurants, we changed diapers, we played at a kids activity center
for hours, we got ice cream, we colored, we danced…..Crush and I looked at each other
and we said “we could do this, we make a good team.” And it is so true.
Crush will make
the best dad, he passed this test with flying colors. His tenderness and heart melt me.
My favorite moment of
the entire week trip came yesterday after playing on a slide for 1 hour
straight with Big Baby and then having some milk and animal crackers (they did,
not me). Big Baby looked at us and said in the sweetest baby voice, “Auwntie
and Uncle Crush are nice. Big Baby have
fun. Love you.” Big Baby then kissed us both on the lips and
let out a big sigh. I felt that feeling
my Sissy and my best friends must feel with their own babies, that feeling of being so filled with love that you could just explode from it. I got a few tears in my eyes. We both replied, “we love you, too” and then the three of us walked hand in hand to the car.
These are the kind of moments you don't forget. The ones Uncle Crush and I will hopefully tell Big Baby in a few years when she is old enough to come see us down south for a visit alone. We will tell her what she was like when she was a baby. How silly and cute she was. She will love staying with her fun aunt and uncle for a few weeks over the summer alone, being independent, but also babied....a vacation from being a big sister, she can be the single star. We will take her swimming in the ocean, dancing at the boardwalk, we will eat waffle cones full of frozen custard while we take afternoon strolls, play mini golf after a fried chicken supper, and then catch fireflies before bed. I can't wait.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Be Back Tomorrow and BEST FORTUNE EVER!
I will be back tomorrow with updates and some big life lessons.....it has been an incredible week.
I will post in detail here soon, but here are some things I just had to share....
Sissy and babies love Crush.....we had the BEST time. It all felt SO natural. The kind of feeling I have always wanted from a romantic relationship.......it is the best peace. I don't take it for granted. Also, bro-in-law and I have found beautiful new ground and really bonded. He loved Crush as well and told me that I deserved a guy as good as him and it brought tears to my eyes. I am blessed.
Over the moon that I am seeing 2 of my besties for a long weekend in Crushie's hometown in less than a month....eeeeekkkkkkk........just cannot wait to connect them to my love....it has been the missing piece in this real life fairy tale. The friends factor isn't at all about approval with Crush (it always was before him because I never lived for me until this past year), it is just about sharing this huge important part of my life organically and openly with some people I don't see enough, but cannot imagine life without.....they also both have awesome hubbies and it will be incredible to bring my man into the mix.
Oy, so many business lessons to share here soon.....I have learned my final big ones lately and I feel again at peace....ready to kick it into to high gear and contemplating a MAJOR career change. I am different than many, but I do have some really special qualities and being a real hard-ass isn't one of them......still thinking, but will share soon.
At supper tonight, we had Chinese and I am still not eating wheat (skin is looking so awesome lately) so Crush ate my cookie (not that one, perverts...), but my fortune read:
DO NOT BE TOO TIMID AND SQUEAMISH ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS. ALL LIFE IS AN EXPERIMENT.
It was exactly the business advice I needed to know that I did the right thing....my life is really kismet at this moment in time and it is incredible that I am finally at this place......quiet in my mind.
Sweet dreams!
XOXO (watched some GG reruns this week),
R & F
I will post in detail here soon, but here are some things I just had to share....
Sissy and babies love Crush.....we had the BEST time. It all felt SO natural. The kind of feeling I have always wanted from a romantic relationship.......it is the best peace. I don't take it for granted. Also, bro-in-law and I have found beautiful new ground and really bonded. He loved Crush as well and told me that I deserved a guy as good as him and it brought tears to my eyes. I am blessed.
Over the moon that I am seeing 2 of my besties for a long weekend in Crushie's hometown in less than a month....eeeeekkkkkkk........just cannot wait to connect them to my love....it has been the missing piece in this real life fairy tale. The friends factor isn't at all about approval with Crush (it always was before him because I never lived for me until this past year), it is just about sharing this huge important part of my life organically and openly with some people I don't see enough, but cannot imagine life without.....they also both have awesome hubbies and it will be incredible to bring my man into the mix.
Oy, so many business lessons to share here soon.....I have learned my final big ones lately and I feel again at peace....ready to kick it into to high gear and contemplating a MAJOR career change. I am different than many, but I do have some really special qualities and being a real hard-ass isn't one of them......still thinking, but will share soon.
At supper tonight, we had Chinese and I am still not eating wheat (skin is looking so awesome lately) so Crush ate my cookie (not that one, perverts...), but my fortune read:
DO NOT BE TOO TIMID AND SQUEAMISH ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS. ALL LIFE IS AN EXPERIMENT.
It was exactly the business advice I needed to know that I did the right thing....my life is really kismet at this moment in time and it is incredible that I am finally at this place......quiet in my mind.
Sweet dreams!
XOXO (watched some GG reruns this week),
R & F
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
A Costly Mistake and a New Life to Make It All Better!
Little Baby joined us yesterday! Healthy, happy, and very flushed! Sissy was born for childbirth. First time with Big Baby, she pushed for less than 15 minutes and the big joke in my family was that she has a HUGE vagina...this time she pushed for ten minutes.....the doctor said that she has a birth canal designed for childbirth....much more complimentary than having a gigantic cookie.
We are super excited and I must admit, I saved the day as Big Baby was so super excited to see Auntie that I was able to get Big to bed in Sissy's absence and in a miraculous turn of events, we both slept all night, spooning. Everyone was a bit shocked as Big Baby is VERY mommy (Sissy) attached, but Sissy and I do look quite alike and Big Baby was smelling me all night, so we must have a similar scent, too.
So, on Sunday night after my last blog post, I made a VERY costly mistake. It involved liquid, my former laptop (only 1 year old!) and a huge spill. The former laptop had already survived 1 major spill, so this was the straw that broke the camel's back....BROKEN! I was able to retrieve all of my information off of the old one and sucked it up and reinvested today.......it was a costly mistake and it really got me thinking....
Back in June, someone spilled on my laptop and I was lucky, but it didn't work for 3 days. Then, mere months later, it was spilled on again. WHY DIDN'T I LEARN MY LESSON?
Now, I had to spend a huge unexpected sum of money to fix my problem which should have never happened in the first place! Drinks and laptops DO NOT MIX.....I will NEVER make this mistake again....FOR REAL! REALLY!
But, this little mishap is a true reflection of my life.....I make the same mistakes over and over again and then I am shocked that the results are always the same.....WHY? WHY? WHY?
As I drained most of my savings to fix this bummer, I thought to myself, R & F, this just needs to stop. I need to slow my roll, focus, take responsibility, and grow up. Mistakes can be avoided and life can be easier than this. I must take the extra few seconds to use my better judgement. The buck stops here......I can't keep doing the same stupid things. I no longer have the patience or the money.....OY!
Tomorrow, Sissy and Little Baby come home, so I will be busy taking Big Baby to music class and some other activities. Playing mommy is fun, but being a mommy seems tough. All the mommies out there.....I give you MAJOR props!!!!! YOU ALL ROCK! I am getting closer to being able to be a mommy in mind, but I am enjoying the rest I can still have for the next few years.
I will be back soon with some updates and I will be weighing in tomorrow, I looked today and I am down another 2 pounds, VERY excited!
Hope all is well out there in cyberspace and get those liquids far and away from your computers!
We are super excited and I must admit, I saved the day as Big Baby was so super excited to see Auntie that I was able to get Big to bed in Sissy's absence and in a miraculous turn of events, we both slept all night, spooning. Everyone was a bit shocked as Big Baby is VERY mommy (Sissy) attached, but Sissy and I do look quite alike and Big Baby was smelling me all night, so we must have a similar scent, too.
So, on Sunday night after my last blog post, I made a VERY costly mistake. It involved liquid, my former laptop (only 1 year old!) and a huge spill. The former laptop had already survived 1 major spill, so this was the straw that broke the camel's back....BROKEN! I was able to retrieve all of my information off of the old one and sucked it up and reinvested today.......it was a costly mistake and it really got me thinking....
Back in June, someone spilled on my laptop and I was lucky, but it didn't work for 3 days. Then, mere months later, it was spilled on again. WHY DIDN'T I LEARN MY LESSON?
Now, I had to spend a huge unexpected sum of money to fix my problem which should have never happened in the first place! Drinks and laptops DO NOT MIX.....I will NEVER make this mistake again....FOR REAL! REALLY!
But, this little mishap is a true reflection of my life.....I make the same mistakes over and over again and then I am shocked that the results are always the same.....WHY? WHY? WHY?
As I drained most of my savings to fix this bummer, I thought to myself, R & F, this just needs to stop. I need to slow my roll, focus, take responsibility, and grow up. Mistakes can be avoided and life can be easier than this. I must take the extra few seconds to use my better judgement. The buck stops here......I can't keep doing the same stupid things. I no longer have the patience or the money.....OY!
Tomorrow, Sissy and Little Baby come home, so I will be busy taking Big Baby to music class and some other activities. Playing mommy is fun, but being a mommy seems tough. All the mommies out there.....I give you MAJOR props!!!!! YOU ALL ROCK! I am getting closer to being able to be a mommy in mind, but I am enjoying the rest I can still have for the next few years.
I will be back soon with some updates and I will be weighing in tomorrow, I looked today and I am down another 2 pounds, VERY excited!
Hope all is well out there in cyberspace and get those liquids far and away from your computers!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Meet the Parents
In less than one week, Crush is coming to meet the parents!
I am super excited.
I am not even nervous which is the best part about this situation. I just know everyone is going to like each other and I am looking forward to showing him a new place full of experiences. A city that means so much to me in many ways, but one I never really connected to other than the wonderful family and friends I have here. I will not be sad to leave as you all know, but one day, we will be married here. It has always been part of the deal. I move for you, you marry in my former city as a final good-bye to my past and out of respect for my family who will be hosting the event (I have the best parents who saved for such an occasion, so I want to make it most convenient for them). Of course, he has no problem with it. A deal is a deal.
I remember when I first introduced Awful to my parents. They were very nice and respectful to him (at first......), but I could see in their eyes that they wished someone different for me. It wasn't just religion, I promise you all that. It was the fact that my parents have very sound and advanced character radar and they picked up that Awful was a sayer and not a doer and that concerned them. My sister is also married to an extremely brilliant and successful man who is 100 percent self-made and Ivy league (he is far from perfect just like the rest of us, but overall a great match for my sissy), so it makes my parents think that men who make wonderful husbands and fathers with superior educations and immense drive simply grow on trees or at least can be ordered off of a dollar menu.
Crush is the kind of man I am proud of. All accomplishments aside (and he is very accomplished), Crush has a heart of gold, the kind of soul so pure that even his grandmother considers him to be the "salt of the earth" and told me that he was "born good." As I get to know him better, I agree with her.
I am honored to call Crush my man, I have never felt this with anyone I have shared myself with and I have always yearned for it. The way my mom, friends, and sissy look at their husbands sometimes, with this gaze of absolute awe and love and then their faces just light up and I can see them falling even more in love with their gents, I never understood this before I met Crush....
Cheese alert, cheese alert!:
I actually watch him sleep and check to make sure he is breathing when he snoozes on him tummy and I can't hear him snore (haha...omg, I am going to be the MOST paranoid mommy one day...) because I love him so much. I have never felt this kind of attraction, completion, and understanding from a man. I makes it so worth it that I didn't settle. There is a lid for every pot and a man for every woman. You can't settle if you are waiting for the real thing.
I have had many work things to wrap up lately and now I am just finalizing plans for Crush and my family. All of my family here has been emailing me non-stop about meeting him. I am feeling joyful and I am looking forward to this memorable weekend with anticipation. It is such a change from when I would do anything with Awful and my family.....it always made me feel like I was drowning in anxiety, I was so afraid for the inevitable, him figuring out that my parents didn't really approve of him as a person because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. When we broke up, Awful told me that his parents always hated me and thought I wasn't good enough for him, so it was mutual I suppose.
I am counting the days until the next chapter begins with Crush, the one that includes my family.
I am super excited.
I am not even nervous which is the best part about this situation. I just know everyone is going to like each other and I am looking forward to showing him a new place full of experiences. A city that means so much to me in many ways, but one I never really connected to other than the wonderful family and friends I have here. I will not be sad to leave as you all know, but one day, we will be married here. It has always been part of the deal. I move for you, you marry in my former city as a final good-bye to my past and out of respect for my family who will be hosting the event (I have the best parents who saved for such an occasion, so I want to make it most convenient for them). Of course, he has no problem with it. A deal is a deal.
I remember when I first introduced Awful to my parents. They were very nice and respectful to him (at first......), but I could see in their eyes that they wished someone different for me. It wasn't just religion, I promise you all that. It was the fact that my parents have very sound and advanced character radar and they picked up that Awful was a sayer and not a doer and that concerned them. My sister is also married to an extremely brilliant and successful man who is 100 percent self-made and Ivy league (he is far from perfect just like the rest of us, but overall a great match for my sissy), so it makes my parents think that men who make wonderful husbands and fathers with superior educations and immense drive simply grow on trees or at least can be ordered off of a dollar menu.
Crush is the kind of man I am proud of. All accomplishments aside (and he is very accomplished), Crush has a heart of gold, the kind of soul so pure that even his grandmother considers him to be the "salt of the earth" and told me that he was "born good." As I get to know him better, I agree with her.
I am honored to call Crush my man, I have never felt this with anyone I have shared myself with and I have always yearned for it. The way my mom, friends, and sissy look at their husbands sometimes, with this gaze of absolute awe and love and then their faces just light up and I can see them falling even more in love with their gents, I never understood this before I met Crush....
Cheese alert, cheese alert!:
I actually watch him sleep and check to make sure he is breathing when he snoozes on him tummy and I can't hear him snore (haha...omg, I am going to be the MOST paranoid mommy one day...) because I love him so much. I have never felt this kind of attraction, completion, and understanding from a man. I makes it so worth it that I didn't settle. There is a lid for every pot and a man for every woman. You can't settle if you are waiting for the real thing.
I have had many work things to wrap up lately and now I am just finalizing plans for Crush and my family. All of my family here has been emailing me non-stop about meeting him. I am feeling joyful and I am looking forward to this memorable weekend with anticipation. It is such a change from when I would do anything with Awful and my family.....it always made me feel like I was drowning in anxiety, I was so afraid for the inevitable, him figuring out that my parents didn't really approve of him as a person because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. When we broke up, Awful told me that his parents always hated me and thought I wasn't good enough for him, so it was mutual I suppose.
I am counting the days until the next chapter begins with Crush, the one that includes my family.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Things That You Can Proudly Do at Age 31 That You Couldn't Do at Age 25......
Go to dinner with your dad at 7:30 pm on a Saturday night to the local diner and be proud that you are sharing your bread basket and your table with the most handsome man in the entire restaurant.
(And for the record, he is my DAD, people.....he is not some pervert!!!!! Or, perhaps, I need to oil up my skin more because it is believable that I could land a silver fox.....hmmmmmmmmm.......)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Crush is Only Just a Man
Yes, that is right, we got into our first official fight.
Yesterday was a bit emotional for Mister Crush and me.
But, we remedied it and went to bed all made up.
I don't believe in going to bed angry.
Why did we fight you may ask?
Well, as I have shared, Crush and I have been exclusive for about 2 months now. But, prior to even consummating our relationship, we were emotionally exclusive. We had discussed not dating other people, seeing if this long distance thing could work, being present in the possibility that this could be sometime extraordinary.
I went to his home state and bought gifts and a new dress and met EVERYONE (like 250 people) important in his life. I slept over at his home, his parents' home, had coffee with his grandma and siblings.
Here comes the problem...
Yesterday, my Crush tells me in passing that his mom and sister wanted to know if we are exclusive...
And cue record scratch....UMMMMMMMMMMMM WTF?
I don't fly across the country with treats from my city and bottles of champagne for my man when I am seeing other ones? I WAS SO CONFUSED!
Here is the thing I learned, Crush is from a very formal family. Awful was from a very formal family. They appear that they are close with their family because they spend so much time together, but they don't actually discuss their feelings or what is genuinely going on in their lives.
They may ask, "how is that steak?" over the dinner table, but they don't ask "why are you being such a crabby brat today, do you have your period?" which can be mentioned at my family dinner table among other things....come to think of it, being polite at the dinner table isn't a bad thing!
My issue is this, I need Crush to let his family know how he feels for me. I see it all too much:
Men tell their lady loves all about their feelings for them, but they don't tell their mothers.
Mama had NO idea about the serious nature of our current relationship and the commitment her son has already promised me. As things will progress, she may feel like she was left out, she won't believe in the ease of our relationship, and she may think I'm a powerful, manipulative, man stealing wench. My sister is still repairing her relationship with her mother- in-law, because my bro-in-law basically proposed to my sissy without telling his parents. Charming, I know.
Think about the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law relationship. It is typically not the best. I figured it out!!!!! It's because mama feels left out!
So, I told Crush that pretty much his lack of openness was going to create a strained relationship between his mom and me. He is the oldest after all and a real textbook definition of a mama's boy. Which I actually love. If I man loves his mama right, he will be a great husband and dad. I am happy to report that Crush did the right thing, he sent an email to his family letting them know how serious we are, that we are in love, and that he believes we will marry one day.
This my friends, this is the right kind of man for me. He listens, he reacts, AND he responds. He heard me and he thought through it and he did right by me. I need to work on being a boss and making people do what I feel they should, but this one, this I believe in.
I was right on this one because this peace will benefit ALL of us. I want our relationship to be as easy as possible and making family feel included is the best way to have lots of fans!
Thank you, Crush!
I love you even a bit more today, than I did yesterday!
Yesterday was a bit emotional for Mister Crush and me.
But, we remedied it and went to bed all made up.
I don't believe in going to bed angry.
Why did we fight you may ask?
Well, as I have shared, Crush and I have been exclusive for about 2 months now. But, prior to even consummating our relationship, we were emotionally exclusive. We had discussed not dating other people, seeing if this long distance thing could work, being present in the possibility that this could be sometime extraordinary.
I went to his home state and bought gifts and a new dress and met EVERYONE (like 250 people) important in his life. I slept over at his home, his parents' home, had coffee with his grandma and siblings.
Here comes the problem...
Yesterday, my Crush tells me in passing that his mom and sister wanted to know if we are exclusive...
And cue record scratch....UMMMMMMMMMMMM WTF?
I don't fly across the country with treats from my city and bottles of champagne for my man when I am seeing other ones? I WAS SO CONFUSED!
Here is the thing I learned, Crush is from a very formal family. Awful was from a very formal family. They appear that they are close with their family because they spend so much time together, but they don't actually discuss their feelings or what is genuinely going on in their lives.
They may ask, "how is that steak?" over the dinner table, but they don't ask "why are you being such a crabby brat today, do you have your period?" which can be mentioned at my family dinner table among other things....come to think of it, being polite at the dinner table isn't a bad thing!
My issue is this, I need Crush to let his family know how he feels for me. I see it all too much:
Men tell their lady loves all about their feelings for them, but they don't tell their mothers.
Mama had NO idea about the serious nature of our current relationship and the commitment her son has already promised me. As things will progress, she may feel like she was left out, she won't believe in the ease of our relationship, and she may think I'm a powerful, manipulative, man stealing wench. My sister is still repairing her relationship with her mother- in-law, because my bro-in-law basically proposed to my sissy without telling his parents. Charming, I know.
Think about the daughter-in-law, mother-in-law relationship. It is typically not the best. I figured it out!!!!! It's because mama feels left out!
So, I told Crush that pretty much his lack of openness was going to create a strained relationship between his mom and me. He is the oldest after all and a real textbook definition of a mama's boy. Which I actually love. If I man loves his mama right, he will be a great husband and dad. I am happy to report that Crush did the right thing, he sent an email to his family letting them know how serious we are, that we are in love, and that he believes we will marry one day.
This my friends, this is the right kind of man for me. He listens, he reacts, AND he responds. He heard me and he thought through it and he did right by me. I need to work on being a boss and making people do what I feel they should, but this one, this I believe in.
I was right on this one because this peace will benefit ALL of us. I want our relationship to be as easy as possible and making family feel included is the best way to have lots of fans!
Thank you, Crush!
I love you even a bit more today, than I did yesterday!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Eating Updates & Issues
Alright. Not good, still not good. My hunger monster is out of control. I also got my monthly gift, so that is perhaps something to be mentioned, but not really an excuse. I do retain water, but the truth is that I have been eating like absolute shit. Not good. Premium ice cream bad.
Today has been a bit better.
I am still exercising whenever I can.
I do realize that when I do exercise, my eating is a bit better than the days that I don't. I am so ALL or nothing. I know this and yet, well, I keep making the same silly mistakes. WHY? I haven't figured it out yet.
So, I do have a little something to share. I am meeting Crush's family soon and I am excited. This is a necessary step in the entire process. Family is one of those things. They just exist and I wouldn't judge someone on their family, but it does play a part. I didn't really like Awful's family. I mostly didn't like them because they didn't like me and I could feel it. I know when I am not wanted.
I really hope that I am genuinely accepted. I seem to have this major flaw where I like everyone mostly, I determine how much by how much someone likes me first. That's why I have always dated the worst people...not because I liked them, really, because they liked me first. Oy.
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