Shhhhhhh......SUPER Secret

Want to know a secret?  It is juicy.  It is something that has been on my chest all week, I just had to share.

Crush was supposed to be married this weekend.

I know, crazy, right?!

I have mentioned it before, but Crush and I were BOTH in super serious relationships that we both ended months before we started talking.

He proposed to his long-time girlfriend even though he was scared and knew it wasn't right in his heart and I was living with Awful and BEGGING for a ring, even though I also knew it wasn't right......I wanted to cross engagement off my bucket list.  (I just gagged when I wrote that, take it from me, real love is worth the wait!  It really is....even if you have to move home at age 30 in order to find it!)

So, once Crush proposed to his ex (who I heard is lovely and sweet and kind and has many AMAZING qualities, they just weren't right for each other.....I don't want to lump her in Awful category because she is a wonderful person and a part of me feels so bad for her as our relationship is moving rather quickly and theirs moved super slowly, so I know if/when she hears about us, it won't be fun, just like it wasn't fun when I learned that Awful slept with someone ONE week after we officially broke up.....I mean, rude) she went into wedding bonanza mode and wanted it ALL and wanted it BIG and this is the very weekend they were supposed to become man and wife.......

My feelings on this are ALL over the map.  HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?  I mean, I was so close to being with Awful and Crush was going to marry someone else...WTF?!  We both listened to our hearts and inner voices and knew that our relationships weren't right for us and then we met and the rest is falling into place now.  But, when I think about how this very weekend, my soul mate could have been marrying someone else....well, it makes me so sad, I can't move.  I just figured out why I can't stop eating or get out of bed.....blogging is so helpful, for real.

My whole life, it has always been about close calls, about last minute, about the skin of my teeth.  I am not the person that finishes the term paper a month in advance, I am making the final revisions, 5 minutes before the damn thing is due. So, this doesn't surprise me at all...this is so me, of course Crush and my fate would be a close call.  Had he not trusted his instincts, I wouldn't be moving in September.  Thank goodness he did.  I am very fortunate and I know he feels the same way.

Life is funny, it can change in an instant.