Since I returned from the South, I have lost the weight I gained over the holiday, but I haven't lost any more. I am fine with this. Since recommitting to myself, I have lost 7 pounds total, I have 25 to go. I am basically where I have been for a while, holding steady.
I have been going to my WeightWatchers meetings, but I haven't really been following the plan. It was the only diet that has ever worked for me, so it has always been my fallback, but it is not working for me anymore and I am fine with this. I don't believe in fake food and synthetic sugar anymore, so eating naturally for the most part takes up all of my points. It is this confusing thing that is happening....I am over my points because of my food choices, but under my daily recommended caloric intake for a day to lose 1 pound a week (1,700). For example, some days, I will have only consumed 1,400 calories, but I went WAY over my daily points allowance because I opted for a latte with 2 percent milk and real sugar, white toast with real butter, and a small portion of steak and mashed potatoes. I am over it. I want to eat real, pure, and realistically. WeightWatchers is no longer my miracle.
I find the weekly WeightWatchers meetings to be motivating, like therapy, and my leader is so inspiring and supportive. She gets it. I go and weigh and listen and talk about food issues, but I don't support all of the "carrots have too much sugar", "use 4 Splenda packets in your banana oatmeal and freeze it overnight for an ice cream substitute, "and "100 calorie packs are my savior, I bring them to the movies for a sweet treat" (I need like 4 to even scratch my itch for sweet!).....these tidbits are not going to work long-term for me, they just won't.
The truth: I NEVER followed WeightWatchers as I should have. I always made up my own rules and made it work in my own way. I drank alcohol 5 nights a week and ate veggies and drank diet soda for every meal and lost 35 pounds and called it WeightWatchers....that was not the program they advertised, it was my interpretation.
So, in the last few weeks, I have been journaling my meals and following what causes me to binge and feel totally out of control with my food urges. Because it is a daily struggle. I am going to beat this once and for all, but there is no easy way out of this. This is emotional. This is about breaking bad habits. This is getting to the bottom of my issues once and for all.
Every time I eat processed carbs: chips, bagels, bread, cereal, english muffins, crackers, or cookies (my regular diet staples and favorite things!) I spin out of control. My entire day and often my entire week gets off track and I am super hungry constantly. Oddly enough, I have observed that I can handle small portions of oatmeal, rice, pasta, corn, and potatoes and be totally satisfied, full, and fine.
I did a bit of research and there is this diet book (perhaps a fad, I don't know the research on it), Wheat Belly, that discusses this concept. I believe for best results the book recommends that you can cut out rice, dairy, and corn, but that will never happen for me...I need those things to exist. I did buy the book just because I am interested. For me now though, I am just going to cut out processed wheat and see how I feel and if it helps with my binging as my journaling has lead me to believe it just may.
I will keep you posted!