Monday, January 14, 2013

10 Things I Still Won't Be Able to Do/Wear When I Reach My Goal Weight

I have been thinking a lot these last few weeks.  I have been focusing on how I make things SO hard for myself, for no good reason.  My life COULD be so much easier, if I would just change a few subtle things.  The same thing can be said about making money.  Little tweaks could garner HUGE results.  I have made a promise to myself to live for ME first.  This is a HUGE step for me.  Up until the age of 30 (last year), I lived for EVERYONE, but ME and then I wondered why I was sad, unfulfilled, depressed, and lost.  I am not afraid to be me anymore.  Everything is so much clearer these days.  I am far from perfect, but I am not crazy.  This concept in itself makes me feel WAY better.  I can indeed trust my instincts, my inner-voice, and my heart.  RELIEF.

Lately, I have been daydreaming about how much I want to wear a certain dress that I love when I get back to my fighting weight and then this innovative thought crossed my mind......if I don't get to that weight, I can always buy another dress I also love, just one size bigger.  I am so smart, I may be due for a Nobel Prize.....There is always a solution.  Goals are great, but they will only work for me, if I care enough to achieve them.  I think I do care enough about the weight, but I am not totally convinced. Being honest and accountable is the only way to find out and that has been what I am doing.  I have also been working out daily, because I LOVE to workout, not for vanity and guess what, the scale is going back down.......I may be Einstein, for real, I am sharp I tell you.

Here is a list of 10 things I know I will never ever be able to accomplish with my weight loss that I am perfectly fine with:

1.  I will never be able to use a gym towel as coverage when I shower after exercise class.  I always gaze in sheer wonder at the ladies at my gym who cover their breasts, vaginas, and tushes with a gym provided towel...they are the size of a postage stamp!  Me....well, I need 2 towels, one for my top and one for my bottom and there is still A LOT of lady hanging out.  I bring my own robe to conceal my humps (Fergie Ferg).  Even if I lost 600 pounds, I know a gym towel still wouldn't cover these birthing hips.

2.  I will never wear a single digit size.  I am THIN at a size 10.....this is TINY for me.  Currently I am a 12/14.  Losing 25 pounds (what I have left) will get me to a perfect 10 and I am fine with that.  I always laugh when people seem appalled at the notion of a size 12.  I look awesome when I am a size 12!  I am proud of my statuesque figure, very few woman are built like me these days (the reason why it seems that every man over age 75 seems to have a major crush on me) and that makes me happy, not sad.  BOO to conformity!

3.  I will never wear a string bikini.  Even post tummy tuck, I have stretch marks (and now a scar) on my stomach.  I need a higher waisted bikini bottom.  Don't cry for me, I am fine.

4.  I will never wear short shorts.  First of all, I am becoming very conservative and find them totally inappropriate on a woman of a certain age unless you look like Jessica Simpson in her Daisy Duke phase, but more than that, I also have cellulite on the back of my thighs and I don't like to advertise it in's genetic, so even though I have greatly reduced it by drinking lots of water (gag, I make myself) and working out (I turn the resistance knob ALL the way up on my spin bike), the cheese on my legs (what my darling ex-boyfriend Awful (F*CK FACE) called my lumpy thighs) is here to stay. (BONUS FACT: both my bro-in-law and Crush have no idea what cellulite is, so my sister and I, who both have it (sorry, sissy!), have not informed them of our ladies never tell men too much information and men that know too much information or rarely gentlemen).  I also don't like the look that those short shorts give even the most shapely ladies....that look is known as camel toe (or a front wedgie for you who don't have to worry much about it like I do.....wide hisp will do that to you!).

5.  I will never be able to wear a backless dress.  I am one of those lucky ladies that has some back fat, even when I am thin.  My body is just designed this way.  I do love the look of a backless gown, but it isn't in the cards for me.

6.  I will never be able to wear white pants.  This isn't a weight thing, I am just a slob and dirt always finds me and I get really into eating my food with gusto and I spill on myself.

7.  I will never be able to wear jeans without stretch.  I need that stretch for important reasons, like to be able to button them.

8.  I will never be able to rock the look I have always wanted to rock since I was 14.....classic button down Levis jeans (NO STRETCH) with a man's v-neck white Hanes t-shirt.  Think Jennifer Aniston (you will get the idea, I think she looked better with a little meat though, but I don't like the look of SUPER thin) circa the second year of Friends, before she got too skinny, but still had the Rachel haircut.  I just have too many curves for this look to ever be flattering.  Things that flatter my hip to waist ratio is the only way I can dress and NOT get mistaken for being pregnant, even post-tummy tuck....(BONUS TIP: NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CONDITION ask a mildly overweight lady when she is due unless you see a baby coming out of her vagina......THANK YOU!  The mental anguish I have had to overcome for being asked about my potential buns in the oven almost ended me until I became Kathy Bates character from Fried Green Tomatoes, the movie).

9.  I will never be able to wear a strapless dress.  I have very broad shoulders and strapless dresses make me look like a linebacker. I know everyone thinks they are universally flattering, well, not on me.  One day, my wedding dress won't be strapless, I can assure you of this. The only exception to this rule is a strapless sweetheart neckline which can sometimes kinda work if the dress in question has a very nipped waist and a full skirt.

10.  I will never be able to wear a sports bra as a top when I work out.  Not like I would really want to anyway because I am not TLC or Gwen Stefani from the No Doubt period, but I won't be able to, anyway.  I will always have some jiggle and that jiggle looks better with a top on.  Also, in order for me to create a waist in my exercise pants (the necessary accessory, a waist, for me to sport my tummy .....think high waisted bikini), I would give myself a camel toe....I would rather have a covered up muffin top than an exposed camel toe.

BUT, one thing I CAN wear when I lose the weight?  The very dress I mentioned at the beginning of this post...full circle.


  1. Even when I am at my thinnest, my rack always remains at large, so to speak. ..

    So things I will never be able to wear, cause I need support yo':
    -Strapless bras and dresses
    -Spaghetti strapped dresses or lingerie

    And to not look frumpy and two sizes bigger, these will never be in my wardrobe:
    -Button up shirts or dresses
    -Any top or dress that doesn't cut in at my waist

    I am 31 and this is what I know. :-)

  2. Ladies, I am 37 and I gave up on white pants a long time ago and shorts (gag) cause my thighs show the signs of having been 200 pounds, 87 pounds (no joke, anorexia), 160 and now whatever healthy weight I, uhm, no. Bikini? Not on this planet, but i Have some VERY sexy, seriously, lovely good looking, one piece suits. Took me forever to find them, but they are awesome.

    You got to work with what you got. The only thing I have re-educated myself on? Strapless dresses....I get it if your body isn't built right, but I have rather large boobs and I just had to get fitted for a really really good strapless bra. For years I thought I was a 34DD. Turns out I am actually a 30 (that's FOUR inches less around the underside of your boobs, no wonder my bras didn't give me the support I wanted), and then in the cup a FF or G. Which actually isn't that big if you saw me;)

    What also works GREAT with larger boobs under a strapless dress? A corset :) Super sexy, nips in the waist...pushes boobs back and up :)

    1. I also found a few one pieces recently that I love love love! One of my new favorites is a Spanx brand me my Spanx in all varieties!

      As for the strapless bra and corset, I am getting in on that! I recently invested in a few shaping full body slips and they have CHANGED MY LIFE. I can now rock a sheath-like dress without the obnoxious Spanx muffin-top, so I am ALL about undergarments making certain looks possible. I may just re-visit the strapless......THANK YOU!

    2. You know, rumour has it that the wonderbra strapless is amazing for us girls with big boobs. I really was all "SAY WHAAAT, you must be joking" but I read a LOT of lingerie blogger reviews on it and they are raving and these are big chested ladies.
      Here is a link (it's UK but I bet they have them in the US too):

      I have this great body slip that I got from Macys. The brand is Skweez Coutour. Loved the name alone, but I agree, makes a hell of a difference and I loved it.

      Most importantly, make sure you take a measuring band and measure your underbust. Many many folks do this weird +4 inches thing when they get their bra size and that is based on bras from the 50s that had zero stretch in them. Today, there is no need for that. I was amazed at the support that I got from the BAND not the shoulders, hence suddenly strapless bras work because the support comes from the band;)

    3. THANK YOU FOR THE ADVICE!!! I am getting in on ALL of this AND I am measuring my underbust bands are all the wrong size and I need better support. AMAZING!


    Some more info :)'d be shocked to see the difference. I can now wear a strapless bra with my FF's or G's, because the underbust does most of the work, not the shoulder straps:)

    Also, for some lovely new lingerie in all kinds of sizes: (better than barenecessities if you ask me in selection). Check out brands like Freya, Panache, Curvy Kate ect :) Bravissimo is great too. UK based but ships to US once you have the right sizes figured out;)

    1. OMG, AMAZING!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is so helpful!!!!!!


Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......