Thursday, January 31, 2013

Mean Like a Snake

I am not a perfect person.  I have many flaws.  One of them is my temper.

When I was a little girl, I would have massive tantrums.  My parents tell me that I would get so heated that I would bang my head on the tile kitchen floor and leave welts all over my forehead.  My dad would be embarrassed to take me out in public.  Charming.

As I have gotten older, I can control my temper most of the time, but when I am frustrated, I do still feel the rage burning inside of me, trying to find a way to bubble and seep out of me........

Instead of banging my head against the floor, I can become horribly mean.  My mom says that I become, "mean like a snake."  Vicious.  Especially if you are related to me or a very close friend of mine.  If I love you, I may show you the worst side of myself sometimes.

Crush had to withstand some of these bouts of meanness over his stay to meet the family.

The things I lashed out at him about were not at all his fault and had to do with the fact that I was tired, hungry, and sick.  I am so mature.  I freak out at my man like a baby.

I know we are for real because he called me out on it after our lovely weekend together.  He should have.  I believe in constantly improving.  I hope to always be the best I can be and I know Crush feels the same way.

I can only get better with some careful constructive criticism.

Crush was very diplomatic and kind in the way he phrased how I needed to work on improving my harshness and temper.  He offered me specific examples of things I did that hurt his feelings and told me that he agrees with many of my criticisms, but not with how I say them.  He said, "darling, it isn't what you say, but how you say it that bothers me."

At first, I became very sad and insulted and hurt.  Then, I actually listened to what he was saying and I had to agree with him.  I was not being the best partner I could be.  I was beginning to already take his kindness for granted and that was wrong of me for countless reasons.

I need Crush in my life forever and I need to treat him like the gift he is.

I am glad he could be open with me because communication is key.

Yes, we had a little bump in our road, but no flat tires yet.  We are stronger than ever and this snake hopes to hiss a bit less moving forward.

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