I am not a perfect person. I have many flaws. One of them is my temper.
When I was a little girl, I would have massive tantrums. My parents tell me that I would get so heated that I would bang my head on the tile kitchen floor and leave welts all over my forehead. My dad would be embarrassed to take me out in public. Charming.
As I have gotten older, I can control my temper most of the time, but when I am frustrated, I do still feel the rage burning inside of me, trying to find a way to bubble and seep out of me........
Instead of banging my head against the floor, I can become horribly mean. My mom says that I become, "mean like a snake." Vicious. Especially if you are related to me or a very close friend of mine. If I love you, I may show you the worst side of myself sometimes.
Crush had to withstand some of these bouts of meanness over his stay to meet the family.
The things I lashed out at him about were not at all his fault and had to do with the fact that I was tired, hungry, and sick. I am so mature. I freak out at my man like a baby.
I know we are for real because he called me out on it after our lovely weekend together. He should have. I believe in constantly improving. I hope to always be the best I can be and I know Crush feels the same way.
I can only get better with some careful constructive criticism.
Crush was very diplomatic and kind in the way he phrased how I needed to work on improving my harshness and temper. He offered me specific examples of things I did that hurt his feelings and told me that he agrees with many of my criticisms, but not with how I say them. He said, "darling, it isn't what you say, but how you say it that bothers me."
At first, I became very sad and insulted and hurt. Then, I actually listened to what he was saying and I had to agree with him. I was not being the best partner I could be. I was beginning to already take his kindness for granted and that was wrong of me for countless reasons.
I need Crush in my life forever and I need to treat him like the gift he is.
I am glad he could be open with me because communication is key.
Yes, we had a little bump in our road, but no flat tires yet. We are stronger than ever and this snake hopes to hiss a bit less moving forward.