Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Ready and Ready

I have been waiting for a change pertaining to food.  WHY?

Well, I will say it again....blah blah blah....I am ALL or NOTHING and I like immediate gratification.

Every time I have ever lost weight, I haven't done it healthily.  I have restricted, I have used medication (my anxiety medicine reduces me appetite), I have put foods on yes or no lists.

I haven't lost the weight I want to lose yet for life, for me, because I haven't been in it for the long haul.  For the after.  I have been in it for the event.  For the wedding I didn't want to attend single AND fat, for my ten year high school reunion, for the big trip to the has been exhausting.  Really.  I have put myself through an emotional and physical roller coaster. For nothing.

I have done so much short term work without finally reaching a longstanding goal.  A few pounds shouldn't define possibilities for me.  And yet it does.

In the last few weeks, I have been trying to close up some old business.  Get myself ready for September and the big move down south.  I AM SO EXCITED.  I feel like this year is a bit transitional, but also just what I need because I am not scared to be me anymore.  I know I am leaving, so I don't have to worry too much about the future in my city.  I will NEVER come back.  Regardless of how it plays out with Crush, I am not supposed to be here anymore and I spreading my wings and preparing to fly.

This morning, I had to pass on my daily workout as my back is really bothering me....I am getting older, a hard workout leaves me sore and tight some mornings.  I then immediately felt very anxiety ridden because I rely on the gym to balance my bad eating.  Essentially, I can still binge and maintain my weight with a hard workout...

All of a sudden, it dawned on me......(AND I ALREADY KNOW THIS!)'s the eating AND the exercise that will make the scale move.  I can't keep playing games.  Emotionally, it is too exhausting. I set myself up for failure and then I fail.  It isn't fair to me.  I haven't been treating myself well.

So, I got out my special journal.  The very one I made my wish list for Crush (who came to me exactly 2 months later) for in and I wrote a new list.  This one I titled:


1.  Get to the healthy weight of 165 and stay there (this is a good healthy weight for me, a solid size 10 and shapely, not too thin, perfect for me)

2.  Help my anxiety, self doubt, and confidence through healthy diet and exercise

3.  Be active (not only the gym, a walk around the block counts, too!) 5 times a week

4.  Wear some of my favorite dresses and jeans again (I love them and I am close to fitting back in some, so it really shouldn't be that big of a deal)

5.  Feel wonderful at a few huge family events (both Crush and myself have them coming up)

6.  Feel confident showing my arms again (I am super self conscious of them these days)

7.  Be excited about seeing people I haven't seen in a long time

8.  Learn and relearn healthy habits, so I can set a good example for my future husband and children

9.  Wear a bikini proudly this summer at the beach

10.  Go to my WeightWatchers meeting EVERY Monday I am in town (I have been out of town for Crush and work, I go back Monday)



  1. You Go Girl!!! you can do it!!! Take it from an old lady... it's a lot easier to lose weight when you're in love...

    1. THANK YOU! You know, I am feeling this, too. It is a little easier now that I am less nervous about finding love. Fingers crossed and thank you for your support.

  2. Its 80/20, nutrition and working out. People say its half and half, and really, it isn't. Working out makes you strong, but eating right keeps you fit. This is why people can restrict their diet and lose weight without ever working out, but they look limp.

    These are good things so far!

    1. You are SO right! The first time I ever really committed to losing weight in a messed up way (12 years ago), I did not work out at all and I lost 35 pounds and looked like a wet noodle.....limp!

  3. You will do it. :) It's really not good for our psyche anyway to go to the gym and then feel "NOW I CAN EAT"....I do think it's mostly what you eat and then workout as well, but I agree with Danielle.

    I just started using sparkpeople because I felt I was constantly hovering on the "upper end" of my "happy range" since I moved in with my love...he's a good cook. And you know, I really like it. It forces me to be honest about the snacking I do. When I lived alone, I never had candy, chocolate or cookies around. I didn't really crave them either, but I just wouldn't buy them. He's a bit actually recording honestly what I consume made a big difference. :)

    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH! It is so true....I play these silly mind games, but I know it is mostly diet....I make things so hard for myself.

      I have been using Lose It now and it has been keeping me much more accountable for now. Recording honestly is the key and does indeed make a big difference,

      Living alone and diet was easier for me, too....I totally get it! I only would buy healthy and non-triggering food for me.....

      You go and you will get to your happy range in no time with the recording.


Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......