Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Up and Other Thoughts

I gained 3 pounds since last week.  It's okay.  Tracking is the magic for me.  I know this and yet I fight it.  When I track I lose.  My mind plays tricks on me otherwise.  I know what I have to do.  I am motivated to do it.  To get this under control for ME.  Not for my family, not for Crush.  Baby steps, baby steps.

I didn't binge yesterday.....but, I ate 3 pieces of pizza.  Big pieces.  They were scrumptious.  And I was hungry.  It was really my meal of the day in between appointments, emails, and errands.  It was weird, me versus pizza, because every bite was so yummy and controlled.  I took breaks in between pieces and still went for more.  I am trying to focus on my need to eat.  Hunger?  Anxiety? Sadness? Procrastination?  Cockiness (when people tell me I look skinny, I eat.....mind games!)?......Yesterday, I was just hungry.  I can't beat myself up for it even though I know better choices could have been made and I let myself get way too hungry.  I made a mental note and I have moved on.

Now, enough about me and my food issues.

I am so lucky that I have power, my refrigerator works, my gym is open, I can drive my car, I just took a steaming hot shower.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of the people on the East Coast and Caribbean who have been hit by Hurricane Sandy.  I wish you a quick recovery and I sympathize with your epic losses, I cannot imagine the devastation.  My sister is right in the area and says it is simply unlike anything she has ever seen.  Her hubby had to go to work (he works in a service type position) and she is home safe with the baby.  They have enough food for a while, she was smart to prepare.

I think about everyone who is suffering, the good people who lost loved ones, who no longer have a place to go, or a car to drive.  In a time of tragedy, I realize how self obsessed and silly I am sometimes.  It's just pizza....right?!  Like my mom says sometimes..."GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!!"

Life changes quickly.  People who were safe and warm in homes a few days ago are now homeless.  Walls, floors, and memories washed away.  Like I always say, so much can change so quickly. BE STRONG.  I wish everyone suffering the best.  It will get better, it always does. So sorry you must live through this.


  1. Thinking of your sister! I'm realizing I'm only in control when I track my calories, too. Even when I go over my calories I lose weight, which means when I'm gaining weight I am out of control. Pizza is to you what spaghetti is to me!

  2. P.S. Do you know how easy it is to eat 600 calories in egg noodles??? (That may have just happened)

  3. ME TOOOOO! I am the same! I am ONLY in control when I track, otherwise, it is simply impossible for me. I am out of control when I don't track and inside I'm all screw it! Ummm....1600 calories in egg noodles is more like it for me! Seriously, 600 calories...SO EASY!


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