I am very excited. I will be spending some time with Crush in just a few days. The anticipation is killing me. It is a very slow burn, I can't function and there is so much to do. Going to write this and get on my work, it is time.
I remember when Awful would go away, I would be secretly relieved. I would get the house to myself, I wouldn't be bothered every five seconds, questioned about what I was doing, what I was watching, what I was eating.....I remember being sad when the day would come that Awful would return from his trip, I would get a sinking feeling that I would have to tolerate him in my space again....
Last night when Crush and I were chatting and discussing our upcoming trip, he said, I am really excited to spend time with you uninterrupted, but I am going to be sad when the trip is over and we still won't be living in the same city. I just know how much I am going to yearn for your company.
I couldn't fall asleep last night and kept rolling this statement around in my mind. I NEVER wanted to talk to Awful, like I really couldn't stand his company one on one. In just a few weeks, I know more about my sweet Crush than I ever did about Awful. Why you may ask? It is because I actually enjoy talking to him. I want to know about his life, his history, his family, what makes him who he really is. I wait all day to talk to him and I simmer after we chat. I scream into my pillow and kick my legs when I think about just being able to hang with him all day alone.....swoon.
I am a bit nervous about the physical connection between Crush and me because it is time to really seal the deal. But, at the same time, I am not really nervous at all because emotionally we are very connected, I do think the physical expression will follow. I am trying not to over think it. I have never emotionally been into a guy. I have always used alcohol to coax myself into physicality and caring. With Awful, I really don't think I am going to require any wine to open up. EXCITED.