WW is going well.
I have been on point and feeling satisfied since Saturday. It is only 4 days on program, but it is progress. I am seeing a bit of the light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time of course.
Weird, but I have been following WeightWatchers according to their guidelines and it is easier than I thought it would be. I know, I know....the stupidity in the above sentence even shocks me and I wrote it! I am getting in the recommended amounts of water, dairy, fruits and veggies, healthy oils, and even my multivitamin. I have been feeling satisfied.
As I was chopping melon this morning, it got me thinking that I am happy, empowered, and in control when I eat "on point" and yet I fight it. The last 4 days, I have been super productive and I know my diet and mindset (I will do this!) is spilling over positively into all aspects of my life.
For years, I padded myself with extra weight to protect myself. From men and mostly, from my own emotions. And then I met the man who completes me when I was heavy for me. When my skin had bad psoriasis flares from stress, weight gain, and self doubt. Yet, I never feel self conscious with Crush. I feel good all the time about my body when I am around him...I get proudly naked, I let him keep on the lights, I wear lingerie. He makes me feel gorgeous.
So....this weight loss journey is really for me. Not for Crush. Not for the boys that called me Ogre when I was in 7th grade. Not for guy in college who I thought was my friend who called me a hippo. Not for the people on the bus or at my work who asked me when I was due (one of the reasons why I got a tummy tuck). Not for Awful who told me I was becoming a fat girl and dressing like one. This is for me. ALL ME.
I want to lose the weight. To feel free, open, vulnerable....to experience my life to the fullest. I don't want to gain again because I am content, bored, sad, or depressed. No more self-sabotaging. I want to see, taste, and feel it all...without the layer of protection. Without the excuse that my life isn't what it could be simply because I am overweight. Being fat has always been the excuse I use when someone doesn't like me, when I am not invited somewhere, when I don't get what I think I deserve....it's flawed reasoning and it needs to go.
One new improvement I am starting is that I not going to get on the scale everyday. Why? Because Monday is my weigh-in day at WeightWatchers and very often it takes an entire week to see a change on the scale. When I get on the scale 3 times a day and I don't see a difference, I give up. It is silly, but it makes me feel bad and since I need to help myself succeed, scale gets stepped on only on Mondays.
Happy Hump Day and XXX,
Ready & Fading