1. I am the heaviest I have ever been. Like, even college. I saw the numbers on the scale and I cringed. I then got my period which explained some things. I feel fine though. I fit into my clothes. Bodies are weird. I am not going to stress too much about it and I'm going to continue to work on eating well and exercising. The binge eating is an addiction and it still has a hold on me.
2. Crush is coming to town next week to see my family and attend a first birthday party for one of my best friend's daughter's. So excited to see him. He asked to speak to my mom for a few moments alone and I know what it is about......I want an engagement ring very much like hers and asked that he allows my mom to help him. He agreed. I think that when my folks meet his folks in June, he plans to take my mom to a jewelry store to begin the process. I have this six sense with Crush and I'm rarely wrong, but I don't want to jinx it. There is a part of me screaming out for a baby though. I would much rather be a mom than a bride. I turn 32 this summer and I am holding my horses, cooling my jets, and slowing my roll, but my baby fever is just about 105 degrees.
I received some wonderful compliments that made me feel really good about myself over this past weekend.
3. One of Crush's mom's friends came up to tell me that I looked, "just like a screen siren from the 1950s dahlin'. You are just a stunnin' peach. I would eat you up if I could, you are so sweet. Crush got lucky with you and honey, play 'em cards right and you will be dripping in diamonds.." Who doesn't like a compliment like that!?!
4. Crush's grandmother asked me who caught the bouquet. There wasn't a bouquet toss, but she is old fashioned and left early, so she thought she missed it. She told me, "well, I'm tellin' everyone you caught the bouquet...because that is what I was hoping for." Awwwwwww........
5. Crush's father gave me the best compliment of my life pretty much and made me tear up.....at the wedding after his speech, he came over to our table to chat and we congratulated him on his wonderful words and sentiments. He told me that "I prayed for a girl just like you for a really long time for my son. Brains, beauty, and balls. He needs your good sense, strength, optimism, and humor. You make him a better person. Since he met you, this is the happiest and most relaxed I have ever seen him. Thank you for being you and I can't wait to celebrate you two soon at your own wedding." I almost dropped my champagne glass....it was like a dream. It was one of those moments that you never think about, but when it happens, the entire world stands still. The entire weekend was somewhat like this actually.
Considering that I once heard Awful's mom telling her friend that I would keep her son from joining the country club because I was Jewish and Jews weren't allowed in the club and she was happy my name didn't sound too Jewish and that I didn't look too Jewish....seriously, for real....In 2011. I heard her say that she couldn't understand why I would make her son convert and change him (WELL, BECAUSE HE TOLD ME HE WOULD CONVERT FOR ME ON OUR FIRST DATE AFTER CHASING ME FOR MONTHS).....soooooooooooo, this is a huge improvement. Family acceptance makes EVERYTHING EASIER and I am deeply paranoid of family not liking me since Awful.
6. I am procrastinating like crazy. I am in September right now in the south and not in April in the midwest. Must complete many things today. I feel my anxiety and depression creeping in because I want to be there and not here so badly. I should be working and I am researching future job opportunities and places to live.
7. My sleep is awesome. Lights off, faced washed, teeth brushed. Just like the 31 year old I am. 8-11 hours a night straight through. Insane improvement. Almost too luxurious. I am sleeping like a newborn. Years of sleep deprivation will do this.