Perspective

Crush's brother broke up with his long-term girlfriend over the weekend.

I am sad because I REALLY liked her so super much, but they weren't the best match.  They just didn't seem like they loved each other and after being together 4 years, I think love is important.  Hell, the sex and mystery have long dried up.  They fought often, they seemed miserable together, and apart, I could hang out with each of them separately for hours, but together, the tension in the room was suffocating.  As a couple, they reminded me SO MUCH of Awful and me, I sometimes had to go outside to get a breath of fresh air because I wanted to scream, "BREAK UP!!!!", but even I couldn't do that regardless of my non-existent filter aka my mouth.

In the past, before Awful, when someone broke up, I always thought secretly: how embarrassing, what did they do wrong, that sucks so bad.....poor poor people, but now I think, GOOD FOR YOU!

Do you know how hard it is to admit to yourself and the person that you are with, that you are unhappy?

IT IS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST THINGS EVER.

In the past, I saw breaking up as failure and now I see it as hope. Thinking about it, the same applies to the clients that have let me go.  It wasn't working out and in many ways, I could never make them happy because at the end of the day, they simply didn't like or trust me the way they should have.....

Everyone deserves true love.  Real love. Soulmate love.  This isn't lust and this isn't infatuation.  This isn't about money, prestige, sex, or security.  This is about how a person makes you feel.  I think an easy test to gage your love is to ask yourself, "does this person bring out my best self?"  If the answer is yes (most of the time, we are all people here and therefore not perfect), then YAY for you!

Until Crush, I didn't really know who I was.  I didn't have a soulful connection with myself.  He allows me to be me and even though I suck sometimes, at least I am still me.

So, when you hear that someone broke up and you care about them, think on the bright side.  They now have the opportunity to meet their soul mate and become their best self.

I want to send Crush's bro's ex a little email wishing her happiness and love, but I can't.  I know this may be cowardly, but my loyalty has to be with Crush and his family and it is panging me a bit, but sides do exist.  I learned this the hard way when Awful and I parted ways.

I now know exactly how a few people must have felt after Awful and I broke up.  We shared mutual friends who probably wanted to contact me and liked me, but couldn't because they had loyalty to Awful (and he has a sailboat and I don't, so that can make him a "better friend" to some).  I will remember the positive if I ever see them.   His friends were just being good to Awful and I get it now.  Awful does have people in his life who love and care for him and that makes me happy as much as he makes me want to personally put a fork in my eye.

I know brother's ex will never read this, but if she could, I would tell her to:

"Be who you are because you are a wonderful person.  Only change yourself if you want to.  Stay true to your heart and stay true to your soul and one day, you will find the one that makes you feel happy, confidant, and beautiful each and everyday.  Now, get out there and experience all life has to offer because one day there will come a time that you will not be able to drink 3 stiff martinis, dance with gay male strippers, and throw up the next day without someone questioning you (like I did last Wednesday and Crush questioned me last Thursday) because that phase of your life will end.  I wish you the best, the most, and the biggest and know that even if I can't see you often, I owe you a BIG thank you for accepting me when I joined the girlfriend gang and taking me under your wing.  You filled me in, you helped me out, and you guided me.  You told me such wonderful things about my boyfriend and how he has changed for the better since he met me and for that I will always be grateful.  You are an exceptional person, so you deserve a man who treats you exceptionally.  I am here for you even if I can't be there for you.  Best of luck and many hugs and glasses of sauvignon blanc (we have shared bottles and bottles together in this last year!) and dance parties (she always played me great music)."

I will miss her, but I know that her best life is out there, just like mine was there waiting for me 18 months ago.