I have never come here to tell you how wonderful I am......how perfect. I don't have a beautiful home, millions of dollars, fancy purses or shoes, or six-pack abs. But, I am happy. Errrr....not completely happy because I don't know if I ever will be, but I am happier than I have been in years.
My daily struggles have not changed. I still have a major food addiction. I still have an all or nothing mentality. I still wear my bathrobe until 10:00 am while I watch the Bachelor on Hulu and eat chips and salsa for breakfast. I wish I didn't do this, but some habits are hard to break.
Here are a few things I do that I wish I didn't:
1. I wish I didn't stalk Crush's ex-fiance on Pinterest. This is the one way to see a bit more into her life and I actually see a lot of myself in her....she struggles with her weight, too. Such an invasion of privacy, why can't I stop?
2. I wish I didn't ask my current boyfriends about their ex's. I have always done this. I would ask Awful about how thin his ex-wife was (she was skinny), I would ask what kind of wine she liked, I would ask what she would order at a certain restaurant for her dinner. WHHHHHY? With Crush, I really ask him weird questions about his ex....ones that involve sex, money, and her engagement ring. He answers them without a bat of an eye, always respectfully. Here is the thing, I don't ask these questions out of insecurity....it is just that people and the human condition super duper fascinate me. I like to know about people's past to determine how they got to their present.
3. I wish I just said no to things that I don't want to do or think are stupid. This pertains mostly to business things these days, but I say yes to the dumbest stuff and then I stay up for 48 hours straight doing moronic DIY projects and not getting paid for it.
4. I wish I didn't buy foods that I know I cannot control myself around. Some of these things are chips and ice cream. After I ate 4 ice cream bars and 1 bag of corn chips last night while half asleep.....I thought to myself....why are these things in the house?! I realized that I ate them because they were there, because I am addicted to food and sugar and fat are my crack. I cannot have these things around me. I don't go on broccoli or clementine binges even though I like these things, too.
5. I wish I didn't hide from hard emails or phone calls sometimes. Again, this is business stuff, but I find myself confronted virtually and then I hide for a while begging it to go away and then I take a Xanax and deal with it. I wish I didn't have to take the Xanax to deal with it, but I do....
Do you ever do things that you wish you didn't do?