I am a hopeless romantic.
I love dancing under the stars (and With the Stars, too!), making love on the beach, and 1 milkshake, 2 straws.
I love day dreaming about my engagement ring, wedding dress, and honeymoon from time to time....(IT IS TRUE, I DON'T LIE HERE)....
I love holding hands over a candlelight meal, snuggling in front of the fire, and reading stories aloud to my Crush.
I AM A SAP.
I have a Valentine this year and I didn't even send him a card....OMG, I know, I know, I put it in the mail today....
The thing is this, minus my little breakdowns and freak outs, Crush really makes me feel the way NONE of my other boyfriends ever did: safe, secure, protected, and important.
In the past, I have only had a Valentine on 3 V-Days. 1 was spent with Socio and 2 were spent with Awful...
Socio got me cheap chocolate and a card that he didn't sign (probably because he got his other girl the same thing and didn't want to risk a switch...) and we ate pizza and drank vodka in front of his television. How romantic.
Awful bought me expensive gifts that were never anything I wanted or liked on our Vdays together. He also bought me a kind of flower I HATED, but I never corrected him because I felt bad....... One day, I found his wedding video while I was snooping. I watched it and noticed that his wedding was full of the flowers he always bought me. Ah yes, his ex-wife LOVED these flowers, so he assumed I would, too....I don't, but it is the thought that counts, right?!
The point I am trying to make is this.....having a Valentine isn't all it is cracked up to be if he isn't your real deal. I always looked forward to V-Day with my exes because I wanted something from them that they couldn't give me. I needed Valentine's Day to prove that the man I was with loved me, adored me, and found me sexy. I felt February 14th was the barometer of the relationship.....the holy grail, the test.
It wasn't. It never will be.
Valentine's Day is just another day. The only real benefit is the cheap candy on the 15th!
This year, I am not seeing Crush for the Big V. He is going out of town for a special trip with some gents and I am hanging out with the family. Did he send me a card and gift? Yes. Do I expect flowers tomorrow? I do. BUT.........for real, NONE of it matters, because he treats me well all 365 days out of the year, not just when Hallmark tells him he should.
I actually told him to save it, the V-Day gestures. As a proper gent, I know he couldn't ignore the holiday, his momma wouldn't allow him to. I don't need to be showered with roses and chocolate this year because these are things and not feelings. Feelings make me feel, not things. One exception, an engagement ring....yes, I will admit that, too...oy. My left hand has been yearning for some shimmer since I was 4 and would put my mom's ring on while she was in the shower.....
If anyone is sad about Vday and is reading this, let me tell you about MY FAVORITE VALENTINE'S DAY EVER......
It was when I was living alone before I started dating Awful and way after Socio. I was working out, looking good, and feeling great. I went and bought myself VERY beautiful lingerie, ordered in my favorite pizza, chilled a bottle of wine I love, froze my beloved Dots, and had a Real Housewives of Somewhere marathon with myself....while I wore a teddy, high heels, a pearl necklace (like a real one.... if anyone reading is a pervert), and fully done hair and makeup. After I drank the bottle of wine, I put on my favorite CD and danced in front of the mirror in my sexy get up and I admired my arms and legs and lips and tush and hair and collarbone....ALL OF ME.
As cheesy as it sounds (because I never said I wasn't cheesy), I knew in the back of my mind, there could be a Valentine some year, some time, and I would have to buy an obligatory card and tie to acknowledge the day.... BUT this particular year, I was having the BEST V-Day just loving myself.
Anyone feeling blue, ask yourself to be your Valentine.....buy some new red lipstick (Nars Heatwave), but on your best silk and heels, and spend the night in being fierce with the best heart you know, YOUR OWN.