Thursday, February 14, 2013

Good Old Boy

I am dating a good ol' boy.  There is no way around this.  He is the text book definition according to Wiki.....

"The term can be used for well socialized white men who live in rural and generally Southern areas. If a man is humble and well thought of, he can be referred to as a "good old boy", regardless of his age. It is commonly applied to men with a family or generational wealth or prestige, or overall moral behavior."

I always wanted a man like this.  Some of my friends have married them and they make the BEST husbands and fathers.  I know this is the man for me....

BUT, well, but, lately I have been coming to terms with the fact that a LONG chapter of my life is ending and a new one is beginning.  I am okay with this.  Happy, excited, motivated.  I am just afraid.  I don't want to sit here and paint a picture that doesn't exist.  I have been a bit depressed lately.  Everything that I ever wanted is happening and I am walking around like a zombie.  It is like, "now what?"  So much of my identity was tied to being single, or being in a dysfunctional relationship.  I lived for my mistakes.  My OMGs, my WHY ME'S, my tears over wine and cheese, my hateful relationship with my own body and my own vagina.  Now that I don't have all of these defaults, now I can't really function well.  These were my distractions, my walls.  Without them, I don't feel as free as I wanted to.  I feel vulnerable.  Naked.  Alone.  

I picked a big fight with Crush the other day.  I mentioned it briefly in a blog entry.  What I didn't mention is that the words "well maybe we shouldn't be together anymore" fell out of my mouth.  I have no idea why.  Those are real words, fighting words.  The venom spewed out of me.

 We had been fighting a lot.  Much of it has to do with family things that are none of my business.  As the good ol' boy he is, he stays out and stays respectful and I should, too.  I appreciate all of your wonderful comments btw, I love advice and take it seriously and to heart. 

Sometimes I feel like a grownup compared to Crush...which is silly.  He is so pure.  He has never puked from drinking too much (he drinks though, just NOT like I used to), he has never done drugs, he has never had a one night stand that ended in sex.  He has never picked a fight with a stranger in Walgreen's, been flashed on a public bus, or had someone pee on their coat on the train (ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED TO ME).  Our lives and life experiences are different and that is good.  I dated the guy with a major drug problem (Socio), I dated the guy with a real love for booze (Awful)....I dated many others that had substance abuse issues as well and it never worked.  Why should I even question why Crush is a better fit for me....duh. We are simply different.  But, the differences are balancing out, like a seesaw, we are simply finding our rhythm. 

He can play several instruments well.  I can't.  He sits on the boards of several charities and organizations.  I don't.  He knows how to speak another language.  Not me.  He recites poetry, movie quotes, and passages from books.  He wins here, too.

I know what is happening.  I fear success.  I do.  I have not felt like I really deserved love until lately and then I met Crush.  Now, real things are happening.  Major things....friends meetings (so excited for this!), parents meeting, we are attending each other's significant family events (I will be his date to a wedding and he is coming to meet my Sissy's new baby who is due to hatch any day now)....this isn't just a man, this is my future.  I still deserve this.  I don't know why I am so scared.

I can't let the comfort of being a victim take over here.  I used to love lies, WHYS, and excuses.  I am not that person anymore, but the last threads are still unraveling here.  I can still feel my default issues inside of me even if they aren't my go-to coping mechanisms.

I am going back to therapy.  


  1. I do this as well. Freak out about smooth sailing with someone. You're used to the fight, the drama, and perhaps you feel if there isn't drama or game playing then it isn't real.

    Truth is, game playing is for children, and Crush is a man. Its time for the big leagues little lady. Sure, you've had experiences, wild ones, which makes you the person you are today. Perhaps you feel that things will be 'so boring' when you guys are finally together in one place? In reality you are starting a new chapter, and it will be fun, exhilarating, and scary as shit.

    1. TERRIFYING!!! You are SUPER right. I am afraid of the boring, but I like boring, so here I am hypocrite! It all feels so real that I have to find fault, that's me in a nutshell, not going to let myself ruin everything as this is the first time I am actually dating a good person. THANK YOU.

  2. You know what's funny? I feel like when you described Crush, you were describing me. And I'm dating someone opposite. He's lived in Vegas, he got into drugs a bit when he was younger, he's got tattoos and piercings.

    And I love him. And he loves me. We balance each other out, and yes, he's called me 'boring' on the occasion, but I introduce him to new things, and he does the same.

    And like Danielle said - game playing is for children. It's not healthy, and it doesn't have healthy outcomes. I personally do not believe that love is crazy and exciting. I think it's warm, and caring, humble and simple.

    1. Thank you, I appreciate this and I agree with you. Love is warm, caring, humble and simple. After all of these years of game playing and drama, the different feeling is so new to me, but it is also wonderful. Everything I thought was love simply wasn't. Opposites do attract and we do bring out the best in each other. You and your guy sound like a great couple.

  3. I had a similar moment in my relationship minus the fight picking. but i had a total freakout when my Englishman, back when we both lived in Boston, got a new condo early on in our relationship and he was all "Lets make sure they allow dogs". I freaked out....I kept thinking "this man has been dating me for 2 months and he's planning to a buy a condo so I can come over with my dogs, holy shit". A few weeks later he bought a new car and insisted I come along "because I want you to be comfortable driving it".

    Holy mother. I remember talking to a girlfriend saying "Here I am. My whole fucking life since my divorce really, I have wanted a man who wants to commit. Now I have someone who wants me and commits fully and i am freaking the hell out."

    It passed.

    But the fight picking you need to stop. That is never ever a good idea in a long distance relationship. :)

    1. Total freakout, it is SO true! This is EXACTLY how I am feeling. It is so true about the fight picking and I will NOT be doing that anymore, especially with the long instant make up sex.....THANK YOU FOR THE GREAT ADVICE!

  4. Oh :) And don't compare.
    Crush clearly loves you just as you are. No one gives a shit if you can speak 3 languages and dance the waltz. So, stop being so hard on yourself.

  5. Sorry I'm late to the comment party! You've received some wonderful adivce; I hope you're feeling better about the situation. Hugs!


Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......