Fix Me

In light of my week this week, I made a little list of personal things I must work on.  Transitions have always been hard for me.  I need a bit of chaos in my life for some reason, it is how I get things done.  It is truly silly and it is affecting both my mental health and my relationship now that I have such an even keel and sane significant other.  Here we go:

1.  DO NOT PICK FIGHTS WITH CRUSH.  This will be tough for me, but anything big, dramatic, emotional or petty needs to be slept on before it is discussed over the phone.  I sometimes talk JUST to hear my own voice.  True true.

2.  Do what I say I am going to do.  I have been struggling with this.  I over promise and under deliver. I like a little conflict.  WHY?  There is no reason.  I really need to work on this.

3.  I need to continue to avoid wheat and not slip on this.  The psoriasis is about 75 percent improved.  This is huge for me.  I haven't had my skin this under control in over 5 years.  It is such a feeling of hope, I need to stick with it and remember how this feels.  The psoriasis depresses me.  I cannot control it, so I feel super out of control about it.

4. I need to get out of bed everyday, dressed everyday, and go do something out of the house everyday, even if it is just the gym.  For the last few weeks, I have found myself in a state of holding.  I am going through the motions, but not living.  I work from home, so I can do this....and it isn't good.  One day I will NEED to have an office, I cannot handle not reporting in somewhere.  Every few months this happens to me.  I know it is my depression and anxiety rearing it's head again, but lately the lows have been lower.  I am thinking that my new birth control may be altering my moods.  I feel a bit out of control emotionally and the real lows began when I went back on birth control in October.

5.  I need to be a better friend, sister, and aunt.  I worry so much about my business and tying up loose ends and being available to Crush, that I have slipped a bit.  Also, Crush and I both work for ourselves and talk and email too much throughout the day.  I sometimes feel ambushed by his correspondence.  I asked him nicely earlier this week if we could limit the 9am - 6pm chat, so I can focus on my clients, appointments, and errands for work and he understood and agreed.  Just that alone has helped me feel a bit less stressed, so I am glad I addressed it.  Love him dearly I do, but I can't chat and work at the same time, I make mistakes and then can't give anything I am doing my full attention.

THANK YOU for your wonderful advice btw, I am feeling a lot more grounded since I shared.

Happy Friday to all, going to hit the candy sales soon!