Last night I had dinner with 2 special friends that I wish I could see more. Every time we get together we have fun, but it isn't a regular occurrence as we are all busy, me with life, them with life AND husbands AND kids.
We caught up and I filled them in on Crush and I shared the news that I plan to move. I love the WTF reaction I am getting about it! It is priceless. Much of this has to do with the fact that besides a few of my BEST friends and family, no one knows too much about Crush in real life, as I am not on Facebook anymore and I have become much more private as I get older.
Us gals got to talking about timing and when I thought I would be engaged or get married and I have to say that I am not sure, but I don't think it will be too too long after I move. Crush and I, neither of us are spring chickens and emotionally, we are ready. But, as I have said before, I am not about rushing this, for real, not just for cute, I am savoring every second of these beginning stages. I am not about rings, wedding dresses, and babies (I had LASER FOCUS with Awful regarding these things) because I am truly loving Crush, fully in real time and enjoying the now NOW, so I will never forget how wonderful this all feels. I can never get the first stages of falling in love back.
One of my very best friends who is extremely happily married and I reference all the time on this blog (WE CLOSE!) once told me during one of my darkest days this past year, "I am jealous of you because you still get to fall in love. You still get to have those first kisses and days just hanging out and having sex and I know you will have it, so when you do, you will totally know how wonderful it all is and how much it will all be worth it." And she is (AND ALWAYS IS, ACTUALLY!) so right! This is all so special, now that it is happening, it is truly the BEST feeling in the universe.
I made the comment last night about how impressed I am of my friends for balancing so much: husband, babies, work, life, etc. because up until this year, I never gave my friends and sister enough credit for how much work being a wife and mom really is. When I asked my dinner companions how they did it all, they both answered it simply, "you adapt." They explained that you make it all work because that is the only real option and slowly, but surely, it all does truly come together like most everything else. You don't have to even over think it (hard concept for the OVER analyzer I am!). And duh.
There is this pressure for women to be SO many things and to be ALL of these things ALL at once. I am so selfish these days, I really am. I have a little disposable income, I have time, I have the luxury of being able to run to the store, workout everyday, take long showers, eat Twizzlers and Doritos for dinner, if that is what I crave (like I did 2 nights ago!).
My sissy always tells me to enjoy the single days. The reality TV Bravo binges, the mud masks while eating takeout Thai, the sleeping alone in the big bed with clean sheets, the falling asleep while reading TMZ and for the first time in my life, I really am enjoying ALL of it!
When I move to be with Crush, I will be giving up a bit of my independence. I am a mama bear by nature and I love to nurture. I think much of why we work is that Crush loves my sweet side and appreciates it and I love his sweet side and appreciate it. We are both givers, so there is a lot of love and affection in the communal pot. I will make dinner, I will do laundry, I will dust......I like my life to be a bit regimented for the most part, so my other half will have to allow me to be this way and Crush does. This is a major reason why I don't want to cohabitate with him. I don't want to sell myself short because I do have great life skills and I don't want him to get my best benefits (like Awful did) without a true commitment = marriage. Again, I judge no one else for how they get to their conclusions, I just had to move back in with my folks at 30 because of my past experiences, so I would be a total asshat if I don't learn from my own mistakes....
I have finally realized how much women adapt. We are awesome this way. We are so many things to so many people and we seem to make it all work most of the time.
I think adapting is really one of the best skills of all. I am currently working on it myself. Diet be damned!!!!
Have a great day!!!!!!!