Sorry, I don't want to make anyone feel weirded out about this and I promise not to be graphic, but this post is going to be about my vagina. Don't make a scared face, I will not be inappropriate. This will be G rated vagina talk. This post is about how I came to love my vagina.
So, many years ago, let's say 14, I didn't really think much about my vagina. I knew it was an important part of my body and all, but being so self conscious and so inexperienced with men, it just had the importance of let's say, my elbow. Very functional, but not at all the center of my existence.
In college, I experimented. I drank, I made major mistakes, I gained weight, I lost weight, I got naked with more than just a few men. I was very confused.
I didn't deem respect, so honestly, I didn't get treated very well. Don't feel bad for me. I was an angry, mean, bitchy, out of control asshole because I was so insecure, I didn't know what being treated well would even be, even if it ran me over going 200 miles an hour....I was a mess.
One night (or even day, really), I was out at a bar (surprise!) and I heard this guy I hate and always hated and will always hate talking about my lady part....and talking to a group of people about it, guys and girls no less.......I think if it was just guys, it would have actually been easier to stomach. And the thing is that this particular person never saw my vagina and it just recently clicked that it is even possible that even though some of his friends had seen it, he may have been just talking out of his ass in general because of our mutual hate.
Anyway, what he said about my vagina was very close to what Spencer Pratt said about LC's...... (takes a minute for the article to come fully up) and it scarred me emotionally for years. Because I was so embarrassed. I felt like a freak. I felt like I was heinous, a disfigured monster. I contemplated getting plastic surgery on my lady friend because I started to hate it so much!
Because of this comment, I became incredibly self conscious of my body and my vagina in particular. Even more so than I was before the comment which was already like a 9 out of 10. I was now a 20 out of 10. I wouldn't have sex with any lights on, I wouldn't do it sober. I know that I am not the only lady who has been mocked for her biscuit, it is really not cool....BUT, BUT, I am not perfect. I have not always been super respectful of the male anatomy either, every body is different, it is a lesson I have learned. Every person is beautiful in their own way. Don't go hating on the bodies of the world, ALL bodies are GORGEOUS and UNIQUE. No two are the same.
The truth is this, I do not have a porn style looking vagina. It is still stunning though. It is special and it is mine. Actually, many men have complimented it, so who knows what men really want anyway.....I think porn gives them too much power because most real women do not look that way and would need multiples surgeries to get that look, but if you do naturally or even because you had surgery (I did on my tummy), your vagina is hot, just like mine.
I am 31 years old and I finally LOVE my cookie. I really think it is awesome. I am mad at myself for ever hating it. It gives me pleasure and hopefully some babies one day. I finally came to terms with it in the last year when I worked on loving me, ALL of me, and it has been this great peace and relief. Vagina love. I made myself look in the mirror. I looked up vaginas on the internet. I read blogs.
I came to realize that I was NOT the only one with this fear and I was not going to let a man determine how my most sacred part should look because I have no control over how it looks, I only have control over how I feel about it.
Also, Crush thinks it is awesome, so really who cares what that guy in college said about it anyway.
Go fuck yourself BA and also, you will NEVER EVER EVER get to see the most stunning vagina in the world...aka MINE!