I have never made my feelings on the opposite sex (men) a secret. Frankly, I don't get them. Until I met Crush, I wasn't sure they would ever make sense to me. Actually, men in general will still never make sense to me, Crush is a different breed, super unique, the kind of man that is like a rare gem, he wouldn't shine for everyone, but he positively sparkles me for!
One of the biggest hurdles that I had to personally overcome was sharing my friends with their husbands. I love babies, so I always understood the needing to be a mom, but I always selfishly resented my friends for naturally choosing their men over their friends, even when they didn't actually do it all! I was overly-sensitive to becoming second to a man, but now that I have one that I do believe will be around for a while, the relationship you have with a man that is right for you and the relationships that you have with your best friends, is actually very much the same, minus the physical intimacy. I get it. Sorry, friends! You know I was just jealous. Seriously, I was.
So, one of my family friends is going through a divorce. He is a few years older than me and a genius. Like for real. He is not just smart, he is really a genius. He went to college at 15 somewhere Ivy League and he is already a professor at a very famous university at 34 and he is handsome to boot. We have perhaps exchanged 25 words between us in 20 years. I always felt very intimated by his brains, so I just drooled and ate cookies when he was around (it was always at neighborhood parties where there were lots of delicious mini cookies).
Since I went to college, his mom, who is a very close friend of my mom, started to tell me how much her son has always liked me, how he wanted to ask me to prom and then his college frat semi-formal, but that he was super intimidated by me. How he told his family I was his "dream girl", but he couldn't muster up the words to talk to me. If I tell you, we exchanged 25 words, that may have been an exaggeration, more like 12. Perhaps, I sensed something, but really I think I was more focused on the cookies.
Well, this wonderful sweet man, got married young (in my opinion, I think anyone who marries under 30 marries young) and after 8 years of marriage, his marriage is over. In the midst of the turmoil, he asked his mom if I happened to still be single and she asked my mom who has been keeping Crush rather mum from her inner circle until she meets him next month, SO EXCITED BTW! My mom then had to come clean about Crush, but Divorced Man still sent me an email (here is some of it):
I know this may come off as random or strange, but I have always liked you and I have always thought about you. You to me, have always been the kind of person I admire. I am shy and very much to myself (just like Crush, btw!) and you are so open, warm, and caring. When I saw you years ago at *______'s house, I couldn't keep my eyes off you and yes, I was married at the time, but actually separated, we kept up appearances for a while until my sister got married, to keep the drama out of her happy occasion. Point I am trying to make, you have been on my mind since you first moved and our moms became friends (20 years ago!), you are so different from all the people who grew up around here and you have always intrigued me.
I heard you were dating someone and just know that I think whoever you are with is very lucky to have you. I assumed you were married with kids, but since you aren't officially hitched yet, I wanted to let you know how I feel as absolutely random as that may be for you. I hope this email doesn't make you uncomfortable, I completely respect your current relationship. I just wanted to put the message out there, if you were ever interested in seeing me for a date because future circumstances allowed for it, I would be honored to get to spend some time with you.
I emailed back letting him know that it was great to hear from him and that I am moving. He wished me the best and when I see him in a few months at something I do think he could be at, I will actually make conversation with him and not just eat cookies.
Overall, it was super flattering, especially when I think about ALL of the bad and horrible and emotionally draining dates I endured in the last 10 years....I would come home and sob that no who would ever like me, ever find me attractive, or ever want to take me out.
You just never know who may be thinking about you.....