I am getting super excited that I get to see my darling Crush in 9 days and counting down! I will be visiting for over a week down south and then at the end of the month, gulp, he will be traveling north to meet my parents. This is becoming very real. I know my parents are going to love him just as I do, but in my mind, the parental approval really makes it all official. I am not even nervous, just excited, because everything has been so easy and fluid, this feels like the next natural step.
I am cranking out work and trying to tie up some very lose ends for 2012, so I can turn my phone off when I visit my man. I feel the little phone and email breaks help me stay in the moment, relax, and reduce my anxiety.....I have this real binge/purge mentality with work.....see any patterns here???? (HINT: FOOD ISSUES!)
I feel like 2013 is going to be my year. There is good news flowing all around me. In 2013, lots of new and special babies will be born (they are baking now), some awesome couples will be married, and I will be moving to a new state, a place that already feels like home! I just know that the future holds so much, I keep wanting to jump ahead because I am pumped, but I am trying my best to savor the moments and the special firsts as I can never do them again. Bonus, some of my very best friends will be meeting Crush soon which makes me extremely happy.
Crush and I will be spending our first New Years Eve together here soon. We are heading to the beach, bringing lots of books, CDs, and recipes and plan on enjoying some special time just the two of us. Gone are the days where I need to buy a new slutty dress, spend $300.00 on some drink package, and puke on myself (true story) in order to ring in the new year.....we have a 7:00 pm reservation at a very quiet restaurant in a sleepy town and I couldn't be happier. Perhaps, I will indulge in a martini or two, but I bet I will be sleeping or snuggling at midnight and that it perfect for me!
Things feel so right now, I don't even know how I got here........at this time last year, I was at such a different place, so much can happen in 365 days. I believe that life is all about compromise except in two areas: love and personal happiness.
I am actually in disbelief that I listened to my inner voice and got out of Awful's house. I am often a real blockhead and stay in bad situations to appease others instead of taking care of me. I hate conflict and then I snap. I know I must come off as preachy sometimes, but I promise you all, I am so not like that. I made SO many mistakes, I really sometimes wonder if I deserve any of this goodness. My feeling is that I have always put others before me and since I am a late bloomer, the good fortune is coming because I lived through and survived all the bad.
So much can change in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year. In 2012, I lived for me and only me and then I found what I was really looking for, my own self acceptance......
All the missing pieces fell in place like a perfect puzzle after that.