My uncle is the smartest person I know.
Not just because he is very turbo with his achievements including being a renowned doctor, an Ivy league graduate, and a visionary in his field, but because he is accessible.
If you saw his credentials on paper, you may be intimidated, but if you met him in person, you would think, "that is a very nice guy." He could be a cocky asshole, but he is just the opposite.
This past Saturday was Yom Kippur. The holiest day for Jews. One where we fast and reflect on the past year and hope and pray for only good things for the year to come for ourselves and for the ones we love.
At our annual break the fast dinner, my uncle toasted Crush and me. My entire family adores Crush and I can't wait to introduce my aunt and uncle and cousins to Crush's family because I know they will get a huge kick out of them, too.
Quickly, the table conversation turned to Awful and his whereabouts as one of my cousins shared that she had recently seen him on his scooter/sidecar and almost ran him over with her car (by accident) as Awful was driving like a maniac which is typical for him.
I informed them of his approaching wedding this coming weekend and like me, they were a bit surprised, but wished him the best of luck. My uncle got to know Awful a bit because he personally got him his job a few years ago. A fact that Awful (who had been unemployed for nearly a year before my uncle intervened) never thanked him for which really bothered my family, especially my dad (who already hated Awful for lying about major promises that he made to me).
But then my uncle said something that really resonated with me. "Ready and Fading, I never liked Awful. Did you know that? I know this may not be the best time to discuss it, being Yom Kippur and all, but I think he is a bullshitter. Time after time, he would ask me to go hunting with him. I counted 6 times. But, not once, did he ever follow up. A real man honors his commitments. I wish his new wife the best of luck because a man who says and does not do cannot ever be a good husband or a good friend. He is a person who will always come up empty. I respect Crush and I realized that he was a keeper when he got in his car and drove 900 miles to meet Sissy's new baby. That is what a real man does. A real man makes things happens and doesn't just talk about all of the things he will do someday."
My uncle, the very wise man, was right (of course!).
Crush has always made an effort. To see me, to speak with me, to email and text me back.
We never had guessing games or almosts or empty promises.
Even when I doubted him (and got super cray cray) because I had been so hurt before and because I was afraid that this was all too good to be true, he came through. Men had lied to me. Men had said mean things to me about my body. Men had wasted my time and my energy.
But not Crush.
Crush is a real man. The kind of man who says what he will do and then does it (even if sometimes it isn't exactly the way I would....this is something I am working on, accepting that there are many ways to get to the same solution!).
Now that I am no longer single, I think this is an easy litmus test to separate all of the very bad ones from the really good ones.
Real men honor commitments.