Lately, I feel older. Not old, just older.
I am not upset about my age, 32. Sometimes, I get a bit miffed and depressed that I am not married, that I am childless, and that I am not a homeowner. But, I know that I am a late bloomer and I always have been. Often I get my good a bit later that most, but it is always worth the wait.
I feel old because my body and what I can tolerate are changing.
No longer can I be on my feet for 2 days straight without my back hurting a bit. I can't have 3 dirty martinis (my favorite) without a SEVERE hangover. I feel it when I don't workout. Fast food makes me bloated, tired, and miserable. Less than 7 hours of sleep creates HUGE under eye bags and a piss poor attitude.
I was once so resilient and I didn't even know it.
Back in the day, I could slam a fifth of Jim Beam and wake up and work a double shift at 2 different jobs the very next day. I could eat an entire pizza and drink 8 cans of diet soda in 1 afternoon without even a belch. I could sleep 2 hours a night for 3 weeks straight and look adorable and not have a mental breakdown.
And yet, I am not at all upset about my older status.
I like how my body is checking me. Telling me that I must make smart decisions or I will feel it. I know that if I skip the gym, eat dirty, or miss my sleep...well, I won't be the best me and I like the me I am becoming now, so I am making better decisions.
Long gone are the days of cigarettes, Big Macs (I am still craving 1 from time to time), bottles (glasses are okay) of wine, and 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I am not sad about this. I am actually very happy that I am figuring out what my body needs now and I am quickly learning how to listen to her.
Prior to this year, I never had a mind body connection. I couldn't stop eating when I was full, I couldn't go to sleep when I was tired, and I couldn't workout to relieve my stress.....I just didn't get what I needed to make me feel good.
So, this is progress. Listening to my inner voice to make the best choices for me.
And as my age goes up, hopefully the scale will go down.