Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Clean and Dirty

Sometimes I wonder how lucky I am to still be alive.

I was never really into hard drugs, but I did a bunch of stupid shit in my life.  I loved getting wasted, I made moronic decisions and I took insane risks.

For some reason, I am SUPER sad about the recent passing of Finn from Glee.  I only watched the first season before I tired of it, but he seemed kind and reminded me of a boy in high school I once crushed on so super bad.  I made him out to be this pure person without knowing anything about his personal non-Glee life.

Heroin terrifies me.  I just don't get it, but I have never tried it.  I have seen Intervention and Trainspotting and sitting on a bare mattress with your eyes all rolled back in your head drooling while you pee and vomit and poop yourself.  Not sexy.

If we want to glorify a drug, let's dump an eight ball of coke on the table and snort it up before we dance on the table with our high heels on.

In a past life, I loved smoking pot.  I am better stoned than drunk.  I get silly, I tell stories, I love listening to music.  I am actually good high company.  Trust me.  I also get the munchies super bad, so it isn't something I would partake in so much these days in light of my food issues.  Oh yeah, I also have no brain cells or memory left to spare from all of my years of living the high good life.

Crush is pure.  He isn't much of the party pants.  He can count the times he has been really drunk on 2 hands.  He has never smoked pot and I respect him.  Hell, I was always susceptible to peer pressure because I wanted to escape from myself and fit in.  I give him great credit for being able to be himself, unaltered.

But, Crush is DIRTY.  Dirty in bed and dirty in life.

The dirty in life gets to me much worse than the other kind of dirty.

Crush lives in a way that is disgusting to me.  Messy.  Shit everywhere.  His white t's have a brown tint from the way he washes them.  His toilet reminded me of the grossest bathroom in America which just so happens to be at a bar at my alma mater.  The icing on the gross cake was him telling me that he hasn't washed his bed sheets or towels in months when I asked him.  And yes, I knew the answer before I inquired as everything in his place smelled a little sour, like a frat house.

I have never stayed at his place because filth like his gives me the creepy crawly willies.  IT MAKES ME HAVE NIGHTMARES.

Yet, I was once SO DIRTY.  Like when I think back on how I used to live in college and my early 20's, I gag.  Yes, I just gagged.  I was so super disgusting that I was almost equal to Crush.  I should have saved my rent money because I could have lived in a dumpster with my former standard of cleanliness.

I used to admire my friends for being able to live so neatly.  It didn't come easily to me and then one day I woke up and I was living alone and had some space and my own closets and the OCD set it.  Clean as a whistle.

If Crush will let me, I will help him clean out his place little by little before we ever move in together.  It isn't exactly Hoarders bad, but it is FAR from good.

I may call College Hunks Hauling Junk to help Crush reduce his mess.

I will have me some dirty thoughts of my own while we get clean.


  1. This is why I would live together first before getting married. Nothing worse than starting a marriage with weekly flights over filthyness and dirt....hopefully you can get him to see the clorox light before you tie the knot....

    1. I lived with a slob for over 2 years and I was able to keep things clean without too much effort after a major junk purge. I actually enjoy throwing things out. OCD all the way!

    2. Being a slob and downright dirty are two different things though. I can be a slob. But I am far from dirty. He sounds filthy in his living conditions.

  2. My parents are hoarders and very scattered when it comes to cleaning. As in they don't do it. My mom made my brother and I do chores and clean house, and I suspect that's the only way the place stayed clean.

    Living alone is great because I can be messy if I want to. For the most part everything stays clean, but I tend to lag behind when it comes to laundry and dishes. Oh well. Its just me and Penelope anyway.

  3. I can deal with messy, but filth disgusts me. It's my OCD for sure. My house is always clean enough to eat off of the floor, you just might need to move Max's socks first!

    Sheets are done weekly, it's not an option. I don't think any of the four of us use a towel more than 2 times, maximum. It makes me crazy.

    You wouldn't even know I had a dog, she's supposed to be a non-shedder, but she sheds. And there are no remnants around. NONE.

    You need to set the bar for your own mental well being. I used to make Hubs shower before he got in my bed.

  4. Hi, just wanted to say that I've read all of your blog, and I love it! Good luck on your big shift, and best of luck with all of the Bridezilla's!

    1. Thank you so much! This comment made me day! Now now....wedding planner?! This had not been confirmed, but I am looking forward to sharing more soon.....!

  5. Oh by the way, as someone who is "chronically untidy" my answer is simple: get a cleaner to come in as often as necessary. There is no shame, and it sounds like when you two are a couple, you could probably afford it.

    1. Yes, we will NEED to get a cleaner!!! I am already planning for one, once in a while to help with the tidiness and reduce the fights!


Tell me your truth and I will continue to tell you mine......