My puzzle pieces are beginning to make a total picture.
I just realized they the day I move from the Midwest FORVER (regardless of what happens with Crush, I will never come back), will be my one year anniversary of this blog.
I sound like a broken record always and forever here, but you just never know what will happen in a year!!!!
I officially signed a lease for a new apartment in my new state. I am excited about it. 850 square feet that are ALL mine. I am looking forward to cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. These last few years I have regressed, my mom believes her way is the ONLY way. I haven't truly been able to live as I would live without living with mother. But, I can't really complain. I received free accommodations for 22 months.
Beggars can't be choosers.
I will never forget the generosity and hospitality that my parents bestowed upon me. Yes, some days and even weeks were incredibly challenging, but I do think we are even closer now than we ever were (and I have always been close to my family). My wounds are now just fading scars. I feel like I am mostly through with my journey of self improvement and reflection. I am a bit stronger, a bit wiser, and in tune with the areas of my life that I need to seriously work on (binge eating and improving my self esteem). I am going to continue to therapy down South.
I am ready to fly again from the nest....14 years after I first left.
The future that was once blurry and scary is now becoming something I can partially see.
I have also been hunting for jobs. The market I am moving to is perfect for my industry. Even though it is considerably smaller, there are plenty of jobs in my field and they pay well. I have sent out my resume 4 times and I have received calls promptly for everything that I applied for, some within hours. My only issue is that the jobs posted begin immediately and because of job commitments here, I can't start there until after I move, which is in just under 2 months.
Many people from my new city have advised me to just wait and move and then interview as things are far less competitive there than they are here. That is not my style! I want to move with a place to live AND a job. Still working on the last half, but I am feeling like I may actually be able to pick the best position for me rather than just take a job for a paycheck. I also have a little cushion of savings that I can tap into if I really need to, but I am hoping to actually save, so let's hope that employment comes knocking.
This morning, I had a bubble of anxiety sitting on my chest, heavy and tight.
Then, I let my mind tell me the truth.
I am leaving.
I have the chance to set up new practices and routines that will allow me to be calmer. I will be able to be alone sometimes. I will be living 5 minutes away from the love of my life. My favorite spinning studio in the world is in my new city and I will have the opportunity to ride there as often as I like. Extra bonus that I can cruise on my bicycle 4 seasons a year. I will continue with my WeightWatchers meetings. I will be close to the beach and saltwater is wonderful for my skin. I will be independent again. I will be FAR away from people that make me nervous including Awful (just moving away from him helps as we do have some mutual friends and I always feel bad that it was such an ugly ending...no one likes to be a part of senseless drama and I did lose some people I really liked and valued because of the breakup). I will get the opportunity to explore new coffee shops, restaurants, and boutiques. I will become a regular at a new supermarket and gym. I will learn my way around and I will then be able to find shortcuts to get me to and from my new regular destinations.
I will be able to be the me I am now.
Not the me I was 20 years ago that some people expect from me.
Life will be better.
I know it.