A few weeks ago I saw a boy I used to love on a plane. I thought it was him, but then I doubted myself. I used to think that he was the dreamiest and now he looks, well, he looks old. Tired, worn and bald. Not that there is anything wrong with bald, Crush is losing some of his locks and everything about my sweet man is sexy.
My high school crush and I were friends over sixteen years ago. Close friends, actually. I dreamt of him on the regular. I wanted to be so much more than platonic and a few times I really thought that he was going to kiss me. He never did. Soon before he left for college, Bitch told him that I said something about him that wasn't true (so high school). I can't even remember what it was that she accused me of saying, I blocked it from my mind. And then I felt stupid and ashamed. I was too embarrassed to clear it up and I didn't want to apologize for something I didn't do, so we drifted. Never spoke to him again. I hadn't seen him in over fourteen years and wham, there he was, sitting two rows behind me on a Southwest plane.
I stared at him until he said hello. I had the feeling that if I didn't catch his eye, he would have ignored me as I couldn't tell if he didn't know who I was or if he just didn't want to acknowledge me. People from the Midwest can be weird about this I have learned. Ignore you for no reason other than not feeling like having a quick chat.
He was with a girl that he seemed to be dating and I believe that she may have attended our high school, too. If she wasn't with him, I would have bugged him a bit more. I would have told him that I once loved him and see how his life turned out, but it just didn't seem like the right time or place. He seemed rather uninterested in talking to me and I can sympathize because it was 6:00 am and I was all revved up on fresh coffee and engagement adrenaline.
When I looked into his eyes, he perhaps lacked true recognition for me or maybe he just doesn't like me because of something he thinks I said over a decade ago.
It is funny how someone can touch you so deeply in life and not even know it.
He was my Jake Ryan and I was just some girl that he went to high school with that he kinda sorta remembers.....