My biggest fear was that I would be disappointed. That he could have catfished me, especially because I was starving for love.
Here is a little letter I wrote to my dearest Crush on our official 1 year anniversary:
We started talking last August and in September (after a few false starts) I was pretty confident that you were my soul mate, the person I had been searching for endlessly and had not yet been able to find. I can recall the great conversations we had before we met: we spoke about our thoughts on life, morals and beliefs, we shared about about our families and backgrounds, we agreed about politics and religion. I was smitten.
In the beginning of last October, I began to panic a bit. Could all of this be too good to be true? You were a unicorn, a mystical creature to me and I wasn't totally sure if you were real. How could I be so lucky this time? I was used to being disappointed by men and how did I know at this point that you could be so different? So, I pushed you to meet me. I felt like you were resisting me a bit, but the truth is that now I know that you aren't great at dates, planning, or calendars. At the time, I took it very personally, but eventually you came around and committed, we would meet in a little city halfway between us on October 23 and we would stay for a few days.
It was the scariest thing I have ever done. Meeting a man I already loved, but that I had not yet truly met in person. I still give us a ton of credit for going through with it. It was very brave. On the way to the airport, my father told me that: "I admire you for meeting this guy. No matter what happens, this will be a great story. This could be something really significant, like maybe this man could be your future husband or this will simply be a tremendous life experience. I am proud of you for going."
After I landed, before you picked me up, I touched up my lipstick in the bathroom and I prayed that you were everything I hoped you would be. Moments later, I found out you were all I wished for and EVEN MORE.
On the ride from the airport to lunch, I felt instantly at home. During the trip, we may have spent most of our time in our hotel rooms (together), but it was one of the best trips of my life because all of my dreams came true when I first laid eyes on you, and kissed you, and later consummated our relationship. I knew that first night when I fell asleep in your arms that this was different. That you made me feel like the person I always wanted to be. On October 23, I had one of the best sleeps of my life. I always sleep better when you are with me.
October 23, 2012 changed my life more than any other day I had ever lived before because I met you. I knew that no matter what, as long as you could be a part of my life, I would be okay.
I am overwhelmed by my love for you and this year has positively flown by with you in it. Everything is better with you. I am the happiest I have ever been.
I think the world of you. I admire you and I am constantly in awe of you. You have the best heart and you are such a gentle soul. We bring out different sides in each other, but I will stand true to the fact that I believe that life doesn't always have to be so serious and I will agree with you that kindness and common courtesy are extremely important, too.
Thank you for always being so good to me. Thank you for making me a believer in soul mates, true love, and how some dreams really do come true! You have changed my life for the better and I would never want to go back to life without you in it.
I wish everyone lots of love, hope, and happiness today!