Slow and steady wins the race. I have said it before and I will say it again. I know this and then I always want the quick fix. The miracle. The AMAZING. I will get so caught up in an infomercial or the latest skin/hair/diet craze that even though I know that I am getting seduced by something that isn't even real, I often can't walk away. After I spend money (LOTS of it) that I don't have, I will take a step back and realize that I am crazy and that I just need to go to Walgreen's and Kiehls and count my calories and everything will be fine.
Today I got on the scale and I am down another pound. I have now lost over 25 pounds (and nearing 30!) since I moved to Charleston and it has been a slow burn. 0.5 pounds to 1 pounds lost most weeks if I lose at all. There are some weeks that even with the best eating and lots of exercise, the scale stays frozen. But, this time, unlike ALL other times, I have stuck with it. All of a sudden, it isn't for a pair of jeans, for my wedding dress or as a heavy reaction to a nasty comment. It is for life. I want to live my life without the weight of my weight holding me back. I want to drink coffee and eat dessert and share appetizers and savor wine and be a part of things. I want to be present around food. I want to know that a meal shared with friends counts as a real meal and does not give me permission to have a second one in private where I can "really" enjoy something sinful while I camp out on my couch with the TV serving as company to hide me from my binging secrets.
I acknowledged my eating issues and they are getting better. I accepted that I had a serious problem with something that I put off for decades. I even knew when I was 8 years old that sneaking Milano cookies out of my pantry by the handful wasn't something that I was comfortable doing because it made me feel ashamed.
What has been working has been 2 key things. Tracking my eating (all of it, every tablespoon of cream, every bite off Crush's plate, every nibble straight from the fridge) and my new Fitbit. The combination of the tracking and the Fitbit, which helps me know exactly how much I have moved in a day and then exactly how many calories I can eat to stay at my goal, has been magic for me. It has made me accountable to myself. Something I have struggled with for years. I have a bad history of thinking I didn't eat all that much or that I worked out a TON when in actuality, I ate three times my caloric limit and worked out half as much as I imagined. My mind plays tricks on me a lot, especially when it comes to food and people hating me.
And still, the scale doesn't ALWAYS corporate from day to day or week to week, but as long as I know that I am actually doing what I need to be doing to scientifically lose weight (eat less, move more), the scale does eventually catch up. I haven't had 5 pounds gone in a week, but I am changing. Slowly, but surely.
Smarty Best Friend said it best when she told me that "she likes to eat healthy because she feels better." It is simple. If I eat some fruit and veggies, I feel phenomenal. I move on with my day and have energy and I don't crash. Cookies, chips and pizza are scrumptious, but they don't make me feel good. Especially, if I don't treat junk food as something special. I got into a terrible habit of using food as a work reward and this has been a very hard habit to break.
Yesterday night, I got the urge to try on a dress that I bought for a wedding festivity even though I didn't know which one yet when I purchased it. It is classic and lace and white and reminds me a little of my wedding dress. When I bought it, it didn't zip. At all. It was on sale and looked like something I would wear. I have a very particular way that I like to dress and not all things look good on my figure (curvy, tall and broad), but I saw the potential in this dress. It was on sale after all. Well, last night, it zipped right up. Without a Spanx. And it looks nice. A Spanx will help to smooth out the areas that always need a little support (tush and thighs say what), but I can't wait to wear it THIS very weekend to a party for our engagement. I feel so proud of myself and in many ways, I feel like I didn't even try all that hard. I made small changes and I didn't need to restrict myself with such a heavy hand, like I have always done in the past. When I strictly limit myself, I have learned, it just leads to a monster binge of everything I told myself I couldn't have. Everything is allowed, I just need to track it.
So, as I continue my weight loss journey, it's one day at a time. Rinse and repeat. I look forward to passing by the exhausted hare on my way to my final goal.