We All Have Issues

I have been so MIA.  Just working.  It is SUPER busy with work.  I slept no more than 20 hours TOTAL last week and this is just the nature of my job some months.  Excited to hit a different pace in less than 10 weeks!

The move is creeping up and I am feeling positive.  I think I found a place to live (Crush is checking it out for me this afternoon) and the resume is all updated and ready to send.  I have been making healthy food choices (for the most part) and trying to get to the gym when I can.  This last week was all about work and the next 3 will be as well, but when I can, I am popping by the gym to get in some quick cardio.  At the very least, it helps with my depression and psoriasis (so not sexy!).

So, I lost another pound.  I am staring the almost 10 pound mark in the eye and I know this time is the real time.  Big changes for me are being worked on a daily basis.  I am eating real food for the first time in my life and losing weight.  I don't want to lose the weight eating only Lean Cuisines, butter spray, and diet soda.  And I say this because several times that I lost weight it was because I did it with all diet products and fake foods.  I feel good.  People have been telling me how beautiful my skin is (my face skin as I still have psoriasis a bit on the arms and knees, but it is improving) and it has been years since I have heard this.  I am wearing far less makeup and I am feeling attractive.  I guess no soda, lots of fruits and veggies, less junk, and minimal booze does make me better looking.  I never said I wasn't vain.

Today, after my WW meeting, I hopped over to the gym for a quick cardio session.  I have a few gym pet peeves:

1.  Why do all women under 25 wear underpants to the gym as shorts?  What is up with those booty biter teeny gym daisy dukes?  I mean, butt cheeks and vaginas should not be exposed while on the elliptical.  I thought camel toes were not a fashion statement when they can be avoided....Some gals have the figure for it and some don't and I am not even hating on that (BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE THE FIGURE FOR THEM AND WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT)....I just feel that it must be more comfortable to not have 2 inches of "shorts" ride up your crotch on the stair climber.

2.  Not wiping off the machine after you usees it.  This is obvious.  Don't be gross (man who is 75 and wears the cut Gold's Gym tank top with exposed sides that reach the top of your sweat pants, I am talking to you).  I wipe off my machine....now you try it too.  Can't we all just pull our own weight?  The takers of the world don't wipe machines and the givers do, I decided.

3.  Asking me when I will be done with something/standing right next to the machine I am using while I am trying to reduce my mass while sighing, tapping your foot, and staring at your watch.  Manners people!  Manners.  I get that everyone has a machine they like to use and we are all in a hurry. Be an adult, wait your turn, and plan for Plan B.  Sometimes there is someone on the spin bike with the clip in petals I like to use, so I bring regular gym shoes, too.  Because when someone is in the zone pedaling away, I don't want to tap them on the shoulder, make them drop their headphones, and ruin their concentration to ask them to please hurry (this has happened to me multiple times). When I am at the gym, I celebrate the fact that I am there.  The gym's policy is 60 minutes per machine and I follow that rule, so don't ask me to get off 3 minutes after I got on (lady with the pink exercise mini skirt....I direct this at you!).

A little more gym chat......no matter what time I am at the gym, there are always 2 different ladies there.  It dawned on me today that they have an exercise addiction.  They are both less than 100 pounds dripping wet (which they do from all the exercise), do cardio non-stop, and look like nutritionally, they aren't perhaps eating enough......sad.  It makes me so sad.  I think they compete against one another for who is there the longest and I believe they are there at least 4-6 hours a day.  Last week, I forget my headphones and went back in the afternoon between appointments and they were both still there...4 hours later, so I am not being my normal dramatic self.

I am telling you....as I go to the gym more and at infrequent times, I always see them.  Well, almost always and for the most part they are both there, but do not interact with each other.

As I pounded the treadmill, I realized, food and exercise and appearance, well, maybe most of us gals have a little something?

 I am a binge eater and they have their troubles, too.  Yes, I may weigh twice as much as they do, but I am no better and they and vice versa, we just have different issues.

And then I felt positive for me.

Because I am getting help for my issues.  I don't know their particular stories or treatment history, but I am working on improving my relationship with food now.  Presently, I am trying to improve and I am for me.

 Yes, I am 32 and not a young whippersnapper, but I am trying. Both of the gym ladies are older than me and I feel for them.  Because I know the hold food can have over life.

I have put so many things on hold because of my weight.  So many.  And for what?  Another private binge that gives me no clarity, security, or long standing happiness?!

I won't waste any more of my life destroying it because of my food addiction.