Facebook Feelings

As I have mentioned before, I am not a fan of Facebook.  It the midst of moving back home and hitting rock bottom, I deactivated my account because it was too much for me to handle.  I was jealous of everyone's life (again with the jealousy...oy!) and their good fortune.  Facebook made me even more insecure, bitter, and depressed.

Perhaps I am a trendsetter because I have been hearing musings that Facebook is lame.  From Smartie Best Friend who is all up on technology and a 24 year old client who is on her iPhone non-stop whenever we meet.  Apparently, Twitter and Instagram are actually all the rage right now......I may have made it through to the other side....FB may be on it's way out!  Dying a slow death like Myspace.

Crush pretends he doesn't like Facebook, but he does.  He thinks it is stupid, a time waster, and really abrasive, but he has tons of Facebook friends and sends my (our) friends and my family messages on FB, so he isn't above it, if he is participating.  He logs on everyday, so he is an active member.

BEWARE: Awful mention coming....(I know I said I wouldn't mention him, but it is an important detail to my story)

Well, through 1 friend or family member, Crush was able to view Awful's profile.  I guess Awful doesn't lock it (I don't know how FB works, so please excuse my terminology if it is all wonky) and Crush took the opportunity to scour his page, mostly his photos.  He saw it all, including several old photos of us that are still up there (I wish Awful would take them down, but not at the risk of speaking to him).  Crush told me that I "look sad and really defeated" in all of Awful and my old photos and I agree.  I see that same sadness when I have looked at old photos of us, too. Crush knows me well.

In another development, Crush's ex-fiance has a new boyfriend.  Crush found this out by stalking her on Facebook.  He claims that it showed up in his newsfeed because he didn't defriend her, only blocked her access to his profile, so he can see some things about her.....

SIDE NOTE:  So, FB now gives you the option to be virtual frenemies with someone?  They can use your existence to up their total "friends" count, BUT, then you can't even stalk them....In my opinion, the one benefit of Facebook is the stalking! 

So, Crush called me to tell me about his ex's new dating status.  And then figured out who the guy she is now dating is from LinkedIn.  Then,  Crush Googled stalked him real good and found out everything about him including where he went to school, where he lives now (with Crush's Ex), and his current job.

Crush is SUPER happy about this development because he felt really guilty about how badly he hurt her (broke off their engagement a few months into planning) and wanted her to find someone.  I told him months ago that I had a feeling that she was dating someone (just like how I sensed it with Awful...me and my sensing!) and we both wished them them best, so we can all move on with life.

BUT, as nosy as I can be sometimes, I didn't like that he shared this information with me.  I felt like it wasn't truly our business.  That Awful and Ex-Fiance deserve (she more than he) their privacy and happiness without our cyber stalking....but this is just the world we live in.

A few nights ago, I even asked Smartie Best Friend to cyber stalk an old college pal for me, so I am not innocent myself.

My feeling on all this is pretty simple.  I believe in things naturally occurring in life because they are supposed to.  I think there is a greater power out there and if you stay tuned-in and present, sometimes the world gives you the very information you need.  For example, how I have seen Awful 3 times out on his motorcycle and every time he has been with a lady...I am pretty sure that the last 2 times, it has been the same gal.  I feel like I was supposed to see it, that it was a moment in time granted to me.

I often ponder about how Facebook forces this magical serendipity that life can grant.  That FB plays with my fate and best outcome because I know too much about people I shouldn't.  12 years ago, you would find out about an old acquaintance getting married and having a baby by running into them on the street (or maybe your friend would and they would later tell you)....not by seeing every single detail of their relationship from their first date to their trip home from the hospital with their new bundle of joy.

I find it all to be exhausting.  I know it isn't healthy for me.  Especially for my anxiety.

I swear, if I was born 100 years ago, technology wise, I would have still been behind.

I explained this to Crush and whereas he doesn't completely agree with me, he understands my point of view.  He apologized for looking and told me that he wouldn't browse at Awful again (it is so tempting, so if he does, I understand!).  He also let me know that Awful seems very interesting and intelligent and he likes me more for dating someone so "conventionally unattractive" because I am obviously not into looks......I may have almost choked on my coffee when he said that.

I know my feelings about FB are not the majority.  If I could handle it, I would partake, too.

I guess it would be an equal time waster as my almost hourly Daily Mail obsession.