Here We Go Again

After much thought and over-analization, I decided to rejoin WeightWatchers.  Oy.  This is my 6th time.

I have been very successful on it twice, but I have yet to maintain my 30 pound losses or really improve my habits for life, the point of the program.  I have always wanted to change for life, but I am ALL about instant gratification and immediate results, so I play with the program and basically cheat it into working FAST and the minute I stop tracking, I blow up again.

For the last few weeks, I have been struggling.  I haven't necessarily been binging, but I have been eating when I am not hungry, turning to junk food for comfort, and procrastinating about going to the gym.  I am so ALL or NOTHING as I have mentioned countless times before.

Last week, I started thinking about the times in my life when I ate for satisfaction, I had control over my intake, and I looked best.........and all I could think about was WeightWatchers when I actually followed the program correctly and didn't need instant results (this happened once in my weight loss journey).  I know it doesn't work for many people, but it seems to work for me, mostly because I like playing games and WeightWatchers is a game with the points values and whatnot.  If you haven't ever checked it out, I do recommend it, but the losses are SLOW, so keep that in mind.

This past Monday (2 days ago), I went to a WeightWatchers meeting.  I got myself in the door and on the scale and I saw a number I wasn't happy with, but it didn't surprise me.  I have 37 pounds to lose to get to goal according to WeightWatchers.  Since, I am a big lady and broad, I am thinking more like 25 pounds, so we will cross that bridge when we get there.

So, something happened that has NEVER happened before, the leader, a fundamental part of the program....was AWESOME!  I have never ever liked or related to the person running the meeting (the leader) until now.  She reminded me of me or perhaps the kind of person I would aspire to be someday! She had this warmness and energy that is addicting, I just wanted to crawl right into her arms.  After the meeting, as a newly rejoined member, I stayed after to set goals and get a refresher on the program and my new leader, Ann, asked me why I came in, what made me wake up and drive to the meeting.......I had to think about it all for a second and responded:

" I am ready, I really can't stand playing around with food anymore and I want to get this under control, so I can be a better and more grounded person all around."

Ann told me, "You will do it this time, I know it, you will make this work for you for the longterm, 6th time is a charm.  All the times before have been practice and have prepared you, but this time, this time is for you and it for real."

What Ann said made me think of my wonderful Crush.  All the men before him taught me so much about myself, but they were practice, they were for preparation, now things with Crush have been super easy because I am ready!  Perhaps WeightWatchers this time will be just like that.

I replied to Ann, "I will try."

She responded, "No you won't try, YOU WILL!   The difference this time is that you will NOT try, you will and I am going to help you get there. Start reframing your thoughts, there is no TRYING in this, there is only DOING!"

I am so excited!  Weigh-ins are on Mondays and I will post my statuses each week.

Hope all is well with everyone and so good to be back!