Successes & Stumbles

HAPPY THURSDAY!!!!

It has been busy around here, but things are moving right along....

SUCCESSES -

1.  I am down 13.5 pounds.  I am taking it 5 pounds at a time.  Little by little and it is not as daunting as I thought it would be.  I am eating everything I want in moderation, I am exercising often (4-5 times a week), and I am using the tools I have been learning in therapy to manage my binge eating as best as I can.  Major improvement.  

2.  My new website is almost done.  EXCITED.  Just a few more tweaks, but then it will be up.

3.  Work-wise, things have been going well, even though I decided that everyone is a bit crazy.  That being said, I have surprised myself lately because I have been able to separate my work and the client based drama that negatively influences my work.  This year, all of my failures were mostly derived by a family member who was stirring the pot and then I would take the fall.  I have taught myself to stay above and out of the drama and overall, the results have been positive. Yes, I still get blamed for things that are not my fault and yes, there are still opinions that I did or didn't do something that I should or shouldn't have done, but I defer to my client and ONLY my client. Btw, I cannot wait to share more about my almost former job here....there are stories, stories, stories!!!!!

STUMBLES - 

1.  One of my challenges for my eating therapy was to eat a trigger food and see what happens...the thought process behind it is that no food is bad or scary and that with the right steps forward everything can be enjoyed.  Basically, taking the power away from the food.  I tried with Wheat Thins this week, a MAJOR trigger food for me.  I binged (nothing major, but definitely mindless eating) both times after I ate some.  It was a force that came over me....a routine.  I did what my body felt like it should do and binge it was.  This is something I am to try once a month and I can't wait for the day when those stupid crackers lose.

2.  I realized that I need to be nicer to Crush.  Like way nicer.  I am sometimes an absolute jerk to him.  He deserves and responds well to kindness and I know this and then I still act like an asshole.  Crush and I tell each other everything....so, I told him Awful was engaged the minute after I found out.  I admitted that I was a bit sad, but happy for him.  Crush's ex-fiance is in a very serious relationship and we have heard, that she will be engaged soon, too.  I do believe that after a super serious relationship that doesn't work out, often people marry their next boyfriend or girlfriend.  I am living it!  Crush was a bit emotional about his ex a few weeks ago, for the same reasons I was about Awful, the end of an era.  On Monday, mere hours after I found out about Awful's pending wedding, I received a beautiful bouquet from my boyfriend with a lovely note, "Anyone that doesn't want to marry you is a fool.  His loss, my gain.  Love you so and get down here already!" - Crush.  Swoon.

3.  I did a bad bad thing.  I know you all will throw sticks at me and I know I shouldn't have done it, but I did it, so I am going to own it.  I have an impulse control issue....food, what I say, how I used to drink.  I know it.  I do discuss it in therapy because it's clearly a problem.....but, well, I emailed Awful with my congratulations.  YELL AT ME IF YOU NEED TO.  But, well, the truth is that I am pretty hard to find these days and I know Awful has been asking about me.  All of a sudden, I realized that it isn't because he still  has feelings for me, it is because he knows that he hurt me and now he is getting married so soon, less than a year after he met his lady.  I think he met his soulmate, too.  They seem super happy. Do I think he learned from our relationship?  I do.  But, I also think he is still a huge asshole.  It just seems like his new fiance is so different than me and his ex-wife, so I see that as a positive.  Change. I still feel bad for new fiance as dealing with Awful is a FULL TIME JOB! I think Awful was asking about me to make sure I am okay.  I went to therapy on Tuesday and I spent too much of my appointment chatting about him.  I came to the realization that I am indeed happy for him and I am also going to be careful about who I share myself with and what news I decide to share about my life (not here, in real life).   I can't trust anything anyone says about Awful to me and vice-versa.  Not, because the source is faulty, because no one really knows what exactly transpired between us and how long and drawn out and emotional the breakup was.   I didn't want there to be any hearsay about how I reacted about his engagement (which was chill) and I wanted him to know that I am fine and that I am happy for him (because I am, but mostly I am relieved!).  The door will never open back up on this and I know I seem insane and I know I could have been stronger, but I am sick of other people controlling my message.  He hasn't emailed back and I know he won't.  It was closure.  DONE.  I know you all must be sick about hearing about Awful and I apologize.  Last few drips of information.  If I was a reader....my thoughts would be"SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND ALREADY CRAZY PANTS!!!!!!".....noted!

Have a great week and I will back in full detail after the weekend....lots of work, but next week slows down!!!!

XXXX,

R&F