A Daily Treat

The only way that I can avoid binging is by allowing myself to have 1 treat per day.  This treat is usually something I like to savor mid-afternoon.  Currently, I have been losing about 1 pound per week.  I work out 5-6 times a week and try not to eat back the calories I burn at the gym.  I aim for 1,800 calories a day.  After a bit of adjusting, it hasn't been too bad.  It took just a little getting used since prior to tracking calories, I guestimated I was eating between 2,500-3,000 calories some days and over 5,000 on others when I binged.  Not pretty, but at least I know why I was consistently gaining weight.  Science is a bitch.  Calories in.  Calories out.

A few months ago, I cut out most gluten in my diet to help my psoriasis (and it's currently 70 percent better and constantly improving).  Most of my binging was triggered by pizza, pretzels or crackers anyway, so I am feeling way more in control without the gluten regardless of my skin status.  Win-win. I don't think I will ever go back to bread (it used to be at least half of my daily calories) since without it, I do feel WAY better.  I am still eating rice and potatoes, so I am getting my precious carbs in, I would be lost without sushi and french fries and I make exceptions for pizza.  I have deep needs. Pizza is one of them, but it is more of a once a month thing now and not a daily habit like it may have been for me not even that long again.....

Out of those 1,800 daily calories, I leave 300 for something that is junk.  One day, I would love to not have to rely on this little crutch, but I am taking it for what it is and it is actually huge progress.  The truth is, that prior to getting help for my eating issues and coming to terms with my food addiction, I was eating entire large pizzas, jumbo bags of Cheetos (both crunchy and puff varieties, I don't discriminate) and pints of ice cream.  To be able to just limit my empty calories to 300 a day is a hopeful step in the right direction for me.  I am super happy about this.

The rules for this treat is that it has to be a single portion and it can not be kept in the house.  If I bring something into the house, it has to be eaten and the calories must be allotted for that same day. This helps me as I really have to want my treat in order to go out and buy it. Sadly, most days, I do cave and head to the gas station for something sweet.  I have been working my way through the candy racks.

Even though I am trying to eat better and less, the reality is that the lifestyle I aim to lead will always have some junk in it.  I know that since I am an all or nothing kind of person, I need some moderation in my life.  The one glass of wine savored instead of glugging the entire bottle.  The 2 pieces of pizza that I nibble on instead of inhaling the whole pie.  The Milky Bar eaten slowly and mindfully instead of attacking a family sized bag of fun-sized Snickers.

Since I have been in Charleston, I have lost 15 pounds.  I am really pleased by this news.  I have been worrying less about my weight than I ever did in Chicago and the scale is finally starting to consistently move.  I don't know how much more I want to lose, but I would love to have some of my wardrobe back, so I will let you know when I get there.  The good news is that my wedding dress looks great as is and I need some of my curves to make it look va-va-voom.  At least I don't have the pressure of needing to turn into a stick figure in order to walk down the aisle.  I have seen that all too often and starvation and no candy bars would be the end of me.....