Things Are Not Always How I Think They Are...

I learned a really big lesson this past week.

I need to trust.

I need to trust myself, my family, my friends, and food.

I need to trust that food is not my worst enemy.

This past week was my first week on WeightWatchers for the 6th official time.

I followed the program 6 our of 7 days, I went to the gym 4 times, and I binged, too....

I binged all day on Saturday, but mostly on healthy things....but, still, it was emotional and mindless eating done in a frenzied and manic way.

I moped around all day on Sunday.  Felt so blah.  Blamed everyone (mostly Crush) for my stress and then spent a long time at the gym watching Shallow Hal on the elliptical (it was on Fox Family) and realized a lot of messages from that stupid silly movie.

Yes, Shallow Hal reminded me that it is what is on the inside that counts.  Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

I tossed and turned all Sunday night in a state of despair.  Should I weigh in on Monday or not?  Because I thought for sure I was way up in the pounds department and last Monday when I reported in, I discovered that I was 10 pounds heavier than the last time I attempted WeightWatchers mere months ago.  I didn't want to face being perhaps 15 pounds heavier this week.  Could I take it?  I love having a bit of a pity party for myself these days.....

But, I thought.....well, Rome wasn't built in a day and I promised myself last week at WW, that I would mentally commit to the program for 1 year.  That's all.  I will ride this out for 1 year.  The downs, the ups, the sames...I will at least try.

Last week my awesome WW leader shared something that a member told her upon her 10th time attempting to lose weight with WW and FINALLY doing it:

"I lost 60 pounds because I stopped trying to fight the plan.  I stopped trying to make excuses for something not working because I didn't want it to work.  I let myself go along with what I signed up to do and all of a sudden it worked."

So, I did something I hate doing before a weigh-in.  I peaked at the scale on Monday morning at the gym before I went to my meeting.  I wanted to prepare myself if their was a huge gain.  Because I didn't want to cry.  But, I didn't want to skip out because I binged.  I wanted to face the scale.

And........

I was down 5.4 pounds.

That is right.  5.4 pounds gone.

I got on and off the scale 10 times.  Just to check.

And when I got on the scale 45 minutes later at WeightWatchers for my official weigh-in, I was still down 5.4 pounds.

The lesson:

I sometimes do not see my own reality.  Because I have failed sometimes, I set myself up to fail always.  I do not always believe I am capable, so then I become incapable.  The fear is in my mind. 

Overall, I did well at WeightWatchers regardless of the loss because I tracked 6 out of 7 days and that is WAY better than normal procedure for me.

I am feeling ready to do this.

1 day at a time.