It's time I share a little story about why I do believe things may be working out for me.
It is also the time that some of the people that are reading and don't know me may officially conclude that I am crazy....hell, some of the people who actually know me think I am crazy....so, no worries there.
Now, I am going to tell you things that are going to blow your mind. I know many of you may never believe me. I wouldn't believe you if you told me the things I am going to share, but I promise you, they happened!!!!!
Here we go:
As I have shared, 2012 was the BEST and WORST year of my life all at the same time. It was great because I met Crush, found myself, and realized that I have a food addiction that has held me back for years. It was the terrible, because dealing with the sentence above SUCKS.......a lemon.
Here we go back to 2012 before I met Crush and started a blog....I was (and still am) living at home and every day was it's own roller coaster of emotions. Some days, I felt on top of the world and others....well, I could barely get out of bed to use the potty. Awful was still berating me with texts and emails off and on and that only stopped when I blocked him from my phone.....
SIDENOTE: If anyone is bugging anyone reading from moving on, block them from contacting you. Seriously, this decision helped me mentally move on, so I was ready for Crush when he came my way.
One day in March of 2012, I was chatting with Smartie Best Friend on the phone and she told me that she had a very strong feeling that I needed to talk to a clairvoyant. We both feel things (like our deceased grandparents) around us sometimes and she has gone to a clairvoyant a few times to help her through tough or uncertain times. Smartie Best Friend told me something that I will always thank her for when I was hemming and hawing about going....she said, "Just go. Stop fighting it. If anything, it will give you hope." And hope was exactly what I needed at the time....
Smartie Best Friend had also just recently seen her clairvoyant (someone she has gone to a few times in her life and who lives in her hometown) a few months before and SBF showed her clairvoyant my photo and asked her if I would ever marry and her clairvoyant said...."Of course. Tell her not to worry." and giggled and said it so matter of fact that it gave me the confidence to go see someone because the last thing I wanted was to be told I would never marry, like Charlotte was told in that episode of Sex and the City.
So....SBF went on Yelp and started looking up clairvoyants in my neighborhood and suggested 2 that I should call. 1 mostly, but, she had a feeling about the other one, too. So, I listened to SBF, because it was what I knew I should do and because living at home for the rest of my life was not what I wanted.....and so I called the 2 clairvoyants, June (SBF's 2nd choice)* and DeeDee (SBF 1st choice)*, and waited nervously for weeks (both VERY busy ladies) for my appointments.....first one up was June.
I had my appointment with June one afternoon in April and she sees clients at her house. When I entered, I immediately felt at peace....it was clean and calm, even though there was a cat there...you know how I feel about cats......oddly enough, this was the only time, a cat's presence did not bother me.
June reads your angels. Angels are pretty much your protectors. Everyone has a few and they act as your inner voice and conscious. My angels told June everything at the reading....little gossipers they are....they told her about my breakup with Awful, my eating issues, and my recent successes and failures with owning my own business. June told me everything.....down to me being sent by Smartie Best Friend....it was the coolest.
June let me know that my grandfather, who I feel all the time around me, is very close to Earth and was trying to help me and was bugging my angels a bit, trying to get messages to me. She told me that I needed to stay true to myself, to not let negative influences in (at this time, I was dealing with a lot of pressure from my mom to get online and get out there and date and I wasn't ready yet), and to get my eating under control....she suggested protein which really does work for me when I eat it.
We discussed some exercises to keep negatives out and she assured me that my angels were looking out for me and wanted me to have the best life possible. It was all very hopeful.
The thing that resonated with me most from my session with June was that she had me close my eyes and identify my safe place....which is and always will be, the beach. She then described the exact scene to me.....the waves, the sand, the solitude (I see vacant beaches, not ones in Miami beach), the rocking chairs on the porch. It was AMAZING. She then told me, "you will be at that VERY beach in 6 months - 2 years. You will meet someone who has a connection to that stretch of beach" and I laughed. She assured me that I was seeing a premonition, a place of my future. I really wrote it off, as nice as it would be and called SBF up and told her EVERYTHING including the fact that I would have a beach house....and we giggled.
Flashforward to 2013....BUT....well....Crush's folks have a beautiful beach house. The first time Crush ever took me there, we arrived very late at night, looked at the stars, and went straight to bed. It is in such a remote location, that at night it is EXTREMELY dark. In the morning, when I woke up, I went to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast and OMFG.....the view was MY VISION of the beach that June saw....down to the rocking chairs. I immediately ran out the back of the house to the beach in my nightie (it was cold and this wasn't a good idea) and started sobbing....it was all very full circle and the beach comes in more soon....so take note.....
Be back soon tomorrow with Part 2. Trust me, the best is yet to come with this little novela.
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED
Sunday, April 14, 2013
10 Things To Share About ME
1. Pizza is my favorite food. I only like cheese on it. A side of ranch dressing completes this yum.
2. Haagen Daas vanilla ice cream is my favorite dessert.
3. I miss my paternal grandfather very much. I think about him all of the time. I feel him around me often. I think he found Crush for me and sent him my way. For that I will always be grateful.
4. I had braces. I got them on at age 11 and off at age 13 and I STILL wear my retainer when I sleep.
5. I couldn't wear a bikini until I was 20. I can only wear high bottoms now because I have stretch marks on my lower tummy. I am scared about stretch marks when I get pregnant (hopefully...cause you never know......). Now, that I am a very high weight for me.......I thought, let's look on the positive?! You don't have any new stretch marks and it made me happy because even pregnant, I hope to not get over the weight I am now.
6. I used to only have psoriasis on my elbows OR knees. Now, I have it on my elbows AND knees plus my upper arms, calves, scalp, wrists, tush, and upper thighs. Often, when I lose weight, it goes away in every place, but my elbows OR knees. I hope this will happen again when I get back down to my goal weight.
7. When I was dating Awful, who was 5'6, I dreamed of all of my high heels. I hated wearing flats all the time. I LOVE wearing heels with Crush. It makes me feel so much sexier.
8. I love wearing lingerie, pearls, and red lipstick. Not all at once, but sometimes I have done that, too.
9. If smoking didn't smell or kill you, I would do it. I love the ritual, how it helped control my appetite, and the sensual nature of it. The same can be said about pot for different reasons and especially minus the controlling of my appetite....
10. I am too self conscious to show my arms lately because of my psoriasis and weight gain. I really miss my arms as I used to love them, so I hope they can come out to play again soon. And....off to the gym for real!
2. Haagen Daas vanilla ice cream is my favorite dessert.
3. I miss my paternal grandfather very much. I think about him all of the time. I feel him around me often. I think he found Crush for me and sent him my way. For that I will always be grateful.
4. I had braces. I got them on at age 11 and off at age 13 and I STILL wear my retainer when I sleep.
5. I couldn't wear a bikini until I was 20. I can only wear high bottoms now because I have stretch marks on my lower tummy. I am scared about stretch marks when I get pregnant (hopefully...cause you never know......). Now, that I am a very high weight for me.......I thought, let's look on the positive?! You don't have any new stretch marks and it made me happy because even pregnant, I hope to not get over the weight I am now.
6. I used to only have psoriasis on my elbows OR knees. Now, I have it on my elbows AND knees plus my upper arms, calves, scalp, wrists, tush, and upper thighs. Often, when I lose weight, it goes away in every place, but my elbows OR knees. I hope this will happen again when I get back down to my goal weight.
7. When I was dating Awful, who was 5'6, I dreamed of all of my high heels. I hated wearing flats all the time. I LOVE wearing heels with Crush. It makes me feel so much sexier.
8. I love wearing lingerie, pearls, and red lipstick. Not all at once, but sometimes I have done that, too.
9. If smoking didn't smell or kill you, I would do it. I love the ritual, how it helped control my appetite, and the sensual nature of it. The same can be said about pot for different reasons and especially minus the controlling of my appetite....
10. I am too self conscious to show my arms lately because of my psoriasis and weight gain. I really miss my arms as I used to love them, so I hope they can come out to play again soon. And....off to the gym for real!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Book Review Time: Annie Begins (Review #2)
Annie Begins by Michelle Toth is one of the best books that I have read in a long time. Sissy told me about it and I always trust her book recs as she was an English major in college, has awesome taste in books AND music, and doesn't like bad chick lit. She only likes "sophisticated" chick lit.
Also, Anna Begins is my favorite Counting Crows song EVER. And Counting Crows is my favorite band ever. And, if you play the live version of Anna Begins (#9 on Across a Wire: Live in New York City, Counting Crow's VH1 Storytellers CD, blue disc, not the red one AND my favorite CD of ALL time), well, then, you can have me anyway you want me....often naked.
Annie Begins....Anna Begins....close, I just had to give the book a chance!
Back to the book......Annie Begins is a wonderful quick read. Here is Amazon's summary:
At almost 29, Annie Thompson is as brilliant in business as she is disastrous in relationships. It's the dawn of the dot-com boom, and Annie is determined to make it big. But her single-minded focus on work is put to the test when the man of her dreams announces that his wife is divorcing him, and designates Annie "the best listener he knows." Suddenly she's juggling his mixed signals and her entrepreneurial ambitions--not to mention a complicated friendship with her new supervixen of a roommate.
Annie's pursuit of Mr. Tall, Dark and Barely Available takes a turn for the unexpected when her young, terminally ill cousin, April, makes it her mission to find Annie a husband. But the fiancé April picks is definitely not the kind of man Annie would have chosen. Now, Annie has to ask herself what exactly she wants and values most deeply in a man--and in herself.
This book is pretty much a text book love story....with many bumps along the road of course. It is beautifully written, completely descriptive (you feel like you are in an episode of Friends or The Real World from the 90's...but, in a good way), and very interesting as it is set around an Internet start-up and the first concept of online dating.......had to start somewhere....!
Check it out and get if for your next quick read, beach vacay, or lazy weekend.
PS: I do not get paid for anything I ever suggest or read......you should all know that.....I don't even know how that works. So, everything I like, I really like. Not saying you will, but you may, so that's why I am sharing!
XXXXX,
R & F
Also, Anna Begins is my favorite Counting Crows song EVER. And Counting Crows is my favorite band ever. And, if you play the live version of Anna Begins (#9 on Across a Wire: Live in New York City, Counting Crow's VH1 Storytellers CD, blue disc, not the red one AND my favorite CD of ALL time), well, then, you can have me anyway you want me....often naked.
Annie Begins....Anna Begins....close, I just had to give the book a chance!
Back to the book......Annie Begins is a wonderful quick read. Here is Amazon's summary:
At almost 29, Annie Thompson is as brilliant in business as she is disastrous in relationships. It's the dawn of the dot-com boom, and Annie is determined to make it big. But her single-minded focus on work is put to the test when the man of her dreams announces that his wife is divorcing him, and designates Annie "the best listener he knows." Suddenly she's juggling his mixed signals and her entrepreneurial ambitions--not to mention a complicated friendship with her new supervixen of a roommate.
Annie's pursuit of Mr. Tall, Dark and Barely Available takes a turn for the unexpected when her young, terminally ill cousin, April, makes it her mission to find Annie a husband. But the fiancé April picks is definitely not the kind of man Annie would have chosen. Now, Annie has to ask herself what exactly she wants and values most deeply in a man--and in herself.
This book is pretty much a text book love story....with many bumps along the road of course. It is beautifully written, completely descriptive (you feel like you are in an episode of Friends or The Real World from the 90's...but, in a good way), and very interesting as it is set around an Internet start-up and the first concept of online dating.......had to start somewhere....!
Check it out and get if for your next quick read, beach vacay, or lazy weekend.
PS: I do not get paid for anything I ever suggest or read......you should all know that.....I don't even know how that works. So, everything I like, I really like. Not saying you will, but you may, so that's why I am sharing!
XXXXX,
R & F
Product Review: Vaseline Spray & Go Moisturizer
I picked this little gem up, Vaseline Spray & Go, at Target today while I was buying things to make myself feel better about my weight......since, you cannot try lotion on, it is always a perfect fit!
I bought the Cocoa Radiant scent and it smells yummy....like suntan lotion and Queen Helene Cocoa Butter (another old fave of mine) mixed together. Can't go wrong with that!
It isn't super moisturizing, but is does soak right in and is super easy to use as promised. The packaging offers a continuous spray, so you can get the back of your legs and upper back pretty easily.
I will use this in the summer for some additional moisture for my arms and legs after I am dressed or when I am in a super hurry. My oils take FOREVER to soak in, in warmer months, so this will be perfect.
ENJOY!
I bought the Cocoa Radiant scent and it smells yummy....like suntan lotion and Queen Helene Cocoa Butter (another old fave of mine) mixed together. Can't go wrong with that!
It isn't super moisturizing, but is does soak right in and is super easy to use as promised. The packaging offers a continuous spray, so you can get the back of your legs and upper back pretty easily.
I will use this in the summer for some additional moisture for my arms and legs after I am dressed or when I am in a super hurry. My oils take FOREVER to soak in, in warmer months, so this will be perfect.
ENJOY!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Weighing My Options
Back to my favorite subject I hate to address.....my weight. Oy oy oy!
So......I had to take the bull by the horns. Houston, we do have a problem.
I tried counting calories, I tried intuitive eating, I am in therapy for it.....BUT, well, the scale is going up up and up and I just can't handle it any longer.
So, I am back in the saddle. I resigned up for WeightWatchers.
I know....been there, done that.
This time, I really do feel ready.
You see, this will seriously be my 6th time back to WW. I have failed so many times before. BUT, well, but, I have never really followed the program correctly. I played with the plan. I binged some days, I starved others and when I knew I gained, I missed my meetings....not exactly the way you are supposed to follow it. I never drank all my water, ate my recommended points, or fulfilled my nutritional requirements.
Yet, I had the nerve to complain that WeightWatchers never worked for me and that it was a crock of sh*t and all that.....but, I NEVER followed the program. I made up my own rules and weighed in only when I knew I was down weight and called it WeightWatchers.....so, I decided that I am going to try one last time and actually follow the rules and see what happens.......it is the best solution I can come up with if I want to keep the big gain from becoming monumental.
Yes, I anticipate ups and downs and tough weeks....but even if on average, I lose .5 pounds a week....that is still 25 pounds a year and I would be VERY happy with that.
As I cannot stop yapping about.....I think I will be engaged this year. Well, I want to enjoy it when it happens. I want to smile proudly in photos, wear sleeveless dresses, and feel all around excited to do all the things next year may require...like trying on dresses....so, the time to start being the best me is now.
I don't know how much I will chat about WW, but I will keep you posted about my status....hopefully on the weigh down!
So......I had to take the bull by the horns. Houston, we do have a problem.
I tried counting calories, I tried intuitive eating, I am in therapy for it.....BUT, well, the scale is going up up and up and I just can't handle it any longer.
So, I am back in the saddle. I resigned up for WeightWatchers.
I know....been there, done that.
This time, I really do feel ready.
You see, this will seriously be my 6th time back to WW. I have failed so many times before. BUT, well, but, I have never really followed the program correctly. I played with the plan. I binged some days, I starved others and when I knew I gained, I missed my meetings....not exactly the way you are supposed to follow it. I never drank all my water, ate my recommended points, or fulfilled my nutritional requirements.
Yet, I had the nerve to complain that WeightWatchers never worked for me and that it was a crock of sh*t and all that.....but, I NEVER followed the program. I made up my own rules and weighed in only when I knew I was down weight and called it WeightWatchers.....so, I decided that I am going to try one last time and actually follow the rules and see what happens.......it is the best solution I can come up with if I want to keep the big gain from becoming monumental.
Yes, I anticipate ups and downs and tough weeks....but even if on average, I lose .5 pounds a week....that is still 25 pounds a year and I would be VERY happy with that.
As I cannot stop yapping about.....I think I will be engaged this year. Well, I want to enjoy it when it happens. I want to smile proudly in photos, wear sleeveless dresses, and feel all around excited to do all the things next year may require...like trying on dresses....so, the time to start being the best me is now.
I don't know how much I will chat about WW, but I will keep you posted about my status....hopefully on the weigh down!
Where Oh Where Has My Little Car Gone?
Crush parked his car last night and forget where it was. He found it 4 hours later. I stayed calmed and helped him retrace his steps (even though, inside, I fought the mean demons down who were urging me to question his basic level of intelligence)......Eventually, he found it.....on a street he walked up and down no less than 8 times.
I hope he has a better memory when it comes to some things........like a baby, perhaps.........
PS: I have lost my car in Target's parking lot for 30 minutes and routinely drive off with my coffee cup on the hood of my car, so as much as I want to poke tons of fun.....I can't........
I hope he has a better memory when it comes to some things........like a baby, perhaps.........
PS: I have lost my car in Target's parking lot for 30 minutes and routinely drive off with my coffee cup on the hood of my car, so as much as I want to poke tons of fun.....I can't........
A Man WITH A Plan
I am a planner.
It is my job.
I feel safe with plans.
I like to know where I stand.
One of the things I hated about Awful was that he couldn't give me a plan. He couldn't tell me if he was going to convert, when I could expect (I am not talking months here....I am talking years....like, can I expect to be engaged before 2013) to move things forward, his plans for relocating (there was talk about moving to another state), and just in general what the future would hold for us as a couple.
Awful lived in the present moment and I will admit, I admire him for that. I am too uptight to live in anything but fear of everything...
Crush lives in the past, present, and future. I LOVE HIM FOR THIS. I know our plan. We talk about the future confidently and realistically. I know where I stand. It helps me sleep at night. It helps me be good to him. It helps my family feel like I am not going to move 1,400 miles away for nothing.
I will be engaged this year. I know, it is a bold statement. I just know it. Crush told me and I believe and trust him. He doesn't say anything he doesn't mean. 2013 is the year I will become someone's fiance. Then, I will become a bride in 2014 g-dwilling. I will be 33.......EXACTLY the age the clarivoyant who told me I would marry my soul mate told me I would be. She drew 2 wedding rings and the number 33 next to them....I was 30 when I saw her and I felt a bit miffed at the time because I wanted my husband NOW NOW NOW! How was she SO right?
Crush and I will have a good life. We will live in the city next year, but we won't live together until we are married. When we get married, we will move to his hometown, where he will join the family business and I will have some babies, again, g-dwilling. I plan to work a bit here and there, but he is old fashioned and being a mother is very respected in his family, so I will be home at least when we have little ones and I am excited about this, too. I will work to become a teacher during this time.....we plan to start trying to get pregnant soon after we marry.....we want to make sure we have time to have more than 2, just in case we decide to.
These plans excite me! They motivate me, too. I want to be my best self. My true self. My happy and confidant self. I think this year, 2013, may be the best year of my life thus far and I want to savor every single second of it. I AM SO EXCITED!
I have been sleeping much better these days and it is really helping my anxiety, restlessness, and overall uncertainty. There are many things to do, but they are doable. Also and most importantly, I will be focusing on eating better and working out. More for health than vanity. This a huge change for me. I am at the point where I just want to be healthy and not just thin. I want to focus on my insides first.....right now, I am willing myself not to eat pizza. It is hard, but there are so many other things to enjoy.
Hope all is well out there in Cyberland.
Happy Friday!!!!!
R & F
It is my job.
I feel safe with plans.
I like to know where I stand.
One of the things I hated about Awful was that he couldn't give me a plan. He couldn't tell me if he was going to convert, when I could expect (I am not talking months here....I am talking years....like, can I expect to be engaged before 2013) to move things forward, his plans for relocating (there was talk about moving to another state), and just in general what the future would hold for us as a couple.
Awful lived in the present moment and I will admit, I admire him for that. I am too uptight to live in anything but fear of everything...
Crush lives in the past, present, and future. I LOVE HIM FOR THIS. I know our plan. We talk about the future confidently and realistically. I know where I stand. It helps me sleep at night. It helps me be good to him. It helps my family feel like I am not going to move 1,400 miles away for nothing.
I will be engaged this year. I know, it is a bold statement. I just know it. Crush told me and I believe and trust him. He doesn't say anything he doesn't mean. 2013 is the year I will become someone's fiance. Then, I will become a bride in 2014 g-dwilling. I will be 33.......EXACTLY the age the clarivoyant who told me I would marry my soul mate told me I would be. She drew 2 wedding rings and the number 33 next to them....I was 30 when I saw her and I felt a bit miffed at the time because I wanted my husband NOW NOW NOW! How was she SO right?
Crush and I will have a good life. We will live in the city next year, but we won't live together until we are married. When we get married, we will move to his hometown, where he will join the family business and I will have some babies, again, g-dwilling. I plan to work a bit here and there, but he is old fashioned and being a mother is very respected in his family, so I will be home at least when we have little ones and I am excited about this, too. I will work to become a teacher during this time.....we plan to start trying to get pregnant soon after we marry.....we want to make sure we have time to have more than 2, just in case we decide to.
These plans excite me! They motivate me, too. I want to be my best self. My true self. My happy and confidant self. I think this year, 2013, may be the best year of my life thus far and I want to savor every single second of it. I AM SO EXCITED!
I have been sleeping much better these days and it is really helping my anxiety, restlessness, and overall uncertainty. There are many things to do, but they are doable. Also and most importantly, I will be focusing on eating better and working out. More for health than vanity. This a huge change for me. I am at the point where I just want to be healthy and not just thin. I want to focus on my insides first.....right now, I am willing myself not to eat pizza. It is hard, but there are so many other things to enjoy.
Hope all is well out there in Cyberland.
Happy Friday!!!!!
R & F
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